Suicide for me isn't an option, but I could go for some advice...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dazedandconfused, Apr 2, 2010.

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  1. I met a girl online, and we soon grew close.

    She was married young, had a husband in the military, moved to Germany, but had divorced years ago. Finally we got close enough to the point where she moved back to the United States and lived with her parents in Virginia while getting back on her feet.

    I live in South Carolina, and we had met on on a couple of occasions. She had recently gone back to finish up her college degree and had one year left, after which we planned on moving in together (I currently own a condo).

    A couple of weeks ago I found out that she was pregnant. Not only was she pregnant, but she had just had the baby and never told me either of these things.

    I feel so crushed and have no idea what to do. Obviously things are over between us. Being 33, I feel as if my time is running out in the dating scene as far as being able to have a wife and children go. She's 28, and I encourage her to marry the father of her baby (I'm traditional like that).

    I just feel so disappointed, and can't seem to get over it. I thought she was the perfect girl for me. She had all of my interests and was very beautiful. It sucks so bad, and I never knew what I had until I lost her.

    I recently lost both grandparents on my mom's side of the family, so I see what death does, and suicide is no option for me. I will embrace any advice anyone has out there though. I just don't know what to do. Obviously I can't weep over it for the rest of my life and need to move on.
  2. I just read a very informative article on the internet which says the best way to get over this is to completely cut off that person from your life.

    It's hard, because I still want to support her and be there for her, but I need to do it. I told her that I wish her the best, but that I had to go. She is now off of my phone, MySpace, Facebook, myYearBook, AIM and the pictures are deleted.

    I feel a little like a burden is lifted off of my shoulders, but I still can't help feeling depressed about how I thought things were going to be with us. Ugh. During the funeral of both of my grandparents I couldn't help but to get all weepy. In this case, I'm so far beyond that -- I feel like I want to, but my body just won't do it.
  3. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I am sorry you heart has been hurt but I think you are doing the right thing at this point I really do. YOu are to be commended for your strength and resolve, stick to it!

    Well welcome to SF and we are here if you need to vent or talk things out.
  4. Thank you for being so understanding, venting is what I really need to do. I've never experienced something like this before.

    I've lost 5 people in the last year (one suicide) that were close to me, and this is the first time I've ever experienced death head on (let alone 5 at once). It's just so much to deal with and then this happens.

    I'm the kind of guy that has no problems attracting and keeping women. I'm the guy that leaves the girl, not the guy that gets dumped. It's almost like my body just doesn't know how to deal with it and I've had this ongoing sickness. I know I'll get over it though - I have no other choice. I think it's time to give up the long distance crap and just stay local no matter how good something looks on paper. I've just heard of so much success with it that I decided to give it a shot.

    It would be easier if she didn't want to be with me anymore, but the fact that she still wants me makes it hard. I know deep down that it needs to end however, no matter how apologetic she is. It's an integrity thing.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 3, 2010
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Wow you are strong! And you have a good head on your shoulders too. Like I said before you are doing the right thing and you are standing up to protect your heart which I admire.

    Do you feel better that you talked about it a bit? I am here for awhile to listen and to reply.

    I too was the one that left the other and then I got dumped and oh man did that trigger a bout of depression!!! Like you I found comfort in coming to SF and talking about my issues.

    BTW I don't think you are too old to have the life you seek, I really don't. I ask couples that found each other "later" in life and they say it was worth the wait, so we both have cause for hope (I am 43). My sister in law was 40 when she had her first child so you still have plenty of times and bet you still can attract the ladies :]

    Hope to hear from you
  6. I really don't feel much better, maybe a little, but not by much. If anything it gives me something to do. It's currently 3:24 AM where I live, and still can't sleep.

    I won't lie, it's tough. I've never had a relationship last a couple months short of two years just to see it go away in a series of MySpace updates. Maybe I was just too mature for her.

    I'm very much a monogamous guy, and am described as classic marriage material by many. When I'm with a girl, at least I have the decency to tell her straight up when I realize that things aren't going to work. I try to give everyone the same respect -- I may not tell a girl that I love her all the time, but I show her that I care by doing and remembering the little things.

    Do you think I made the right decision by cutting her out of my life? It's harsh, but it seemed like my only option. I tried to think of it from another person's perspective, and I would definitely tell the guy the leave the girl. I realize that I had a lot invested, but once a cheater always a cheater and I deserve better no doubt.

    It just sucks so bad that I can't even describe it. I'm supposed to hang out with some friends tomorrow but I'm still feeling sick (literally). I'm not puking or anything, but I still have that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I think I'll go anyway and try to enjoy myself -- it will remind me of the things I truly value in life.

    I really don't have much trouble attracting the ladies per se -- she was the one that kept reminding me that any girl would be crazy not to want to be with me. It takes me a while to get really attached, and I've never been attached to someone like this before. I'm sure there will be others, and better ones for that matter. Right now it kind of seems like the end of the world and that nothing better will come, but it definitely will. It just sucks so bad right now that it's hard to see beyond it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 3, 2010
  7. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I do believe you made the right decision for sure!
    Like you said she can not be trusted and more importantly you deserve better.

    You sound like quite a catch too bad I am so men like the older ladies they all want young but I still hope.

    sorry to hear talking didn't help much but part of this is about your heart healing which takes time...I am glad you are going out with your friends, you deserve to have a good time and if it gets too rough on ya you can always come home early.

    I would not go near Facebook nor Myspace simply because of what i have heard of situations like what you much potential for hurt..I suggest you stay away and well I am not sure how mature all that really is...I don't know maybe I just don't get all that ...idk

    Sure hope you don't have to get up early tomorrow you must be on the East Coast ...West coast California right here!
  8. It feels better knowing that someone else thinks I made the right decision for sure.

    Don't get me wrong on that thing about picking up the ladies. I used to be the insecure geeky kid in high school until one day I realized that if I keep doing what I've always done I'll keep getting what I've always got. At that point I had enough. I read several studies and books on the subject, and finally built up my confidence and character enough to where people appreciated me. So if anyone is reading this thread, and is here because they have issues with the opposite sex, I suggest that you do your research because you too can turn your life around. I have since been very interested in the science of human attraction and the way the sexes think differently, and what causes attraction, is amazing. Of course I never tell this history to anyone, but talking about psychology and attraction always makes for good conversation.

    I have family all over the country, so MySpace and Facebook is way I keep in touch with a lot of people. I might try avoiding these things for a while, but I don't think it is much of an issue for me. Fortunately none of my network connections are friends with her, so by removing her, there are no traces or anyone that would care to question her demise. I also leave my relationship status blank, so no one would be questioning that either.

    Writing doesn't seem to be helping as much as you agreeing that I made the right decision. I waited a week to do it, but I'm a man of my word and once I do something, I don't go back. She's gone now, and I think maybe there was a little bit inside of me asking if I did the right thing. I don't think I realized how much we talked until I cut her off. I'm going to try and pick up a new hobby to fill my new void.

    And no, fortunately I don't need to be anywhere tomorrow morning. =]
  9. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Sent you a PM..

    Hey just wanted to send you a quick note saying I read your post but am in instant message right now with someone in bad crisis so can not give a good reply.
    I admire your strength and would love to hear about those readings you did to build your confidence.

    Nice meeting you BTW.
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I agree ith you once they cheat they will do it again..My ex fiance' cheated on her husband with me, and after six years to gether she started cheating on me..Three months after we split she married some guy old enough to be her dad..Just be carefull where you meet these women..I met all mine in bars and they all cheated when I told them I wanted to settle down and live a normal life..Take care!!
  11. I understand this, even though it's a really hard concept for me to wrap my brain around.

    When analyzing my situation, I tried to look at it as if I was someone else. Looking at it from my own perspective I see that she's a great girl, everything I want and that I have a lot invested. From someone else I see the deception and that by being honest, I deserve better. I'm going with the latter.
  12. How do you deal with weight loss?

    I have eaten very little, and I'm starting to get worried about my weight. I've been drinking a lot more to try and compensate for lost nutrition. I've lost a little over 6% of my total body weight. Any ideas? Yikes.
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