suicide gets me high

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wastedmylife, Feb 7, 2009.

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  1. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    Thanks to these health problems I can no longer live a life in denial, the only thing that makes me feel good is thinking about how good my life could have been then thinking about killing myself, I can't go on how I am

    I am living in a house share now and they pretty much said I can stay here as long as I get help and make progress

    I had a crappy life but found an inner peace and nirvana several years ago and realized how amazing life was, from there based on different reasons I began tormenting and torturing myself now I am dead

    How can I go on

    I reached nirvana now I am dead how can I live

    Smiley hugs and telling me false things like it will get better won't do me any good

    We are in this alone I guess, I wish I didn't have to worry about money and I could just find my inner peace and sanctuary and when the time came I would do the deed, I can't believe what I did to my life, 3 1/2 years ago I was pretty much the happiest most clearest headed thinking person on the planet, now I am essentially dead, a parasitic waste on humanity, just leeching along until my body actually dies
  2. subterranean

    subterranean Member

    gee.. you sound just like I feel..

    what happened? after the nirvana, I mean
  3. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    Lots of crap, mainly me having to move back home and breaking my ankle about a 4 days before I was going to move away from home and never return

    How can I go on how I am, I just want to hide away and fantasize about the life I never had then when my time came I would do the deed, now my housemates are home and I will have to be phony I just want to live in denial then accept it when it is my time to go, the only thing that will make me truly happy, I already found my nirvana now it is gone
  4. wastedmylife

    wastedmylife Well-Known Member

    A loaded pistol would sound so nice right now, I wouldn't do it in the place I am staying but god how that would be nice right now, a loaded pistol and a bunch of bullets
  5. subterranean

    subterranean Member

    hrm.. I agree... I wish I had one too.. but it gets pretty messy and nasty
    and not fun for the people who has to see after it is over.

    my best friend jumped into the sea. he would have been sixty last summer..
    pity I am so afraid of water and the sea
    I think drowning is pretty and not so bloody
  6. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    At the end we may be in this alone, but what we experience isn't unique to ourselves. Sorry to hear you're feeling upset. Am I sincere, sure.

    So :hugs: anyway :)
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Please don't do it. I understand what you mean by 'suicide gets you high',I have felt that way many times. Trust me, you can overcome those thoughts :hug:
  8. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    Hey wasted my life, I am glad you found somewhere to stay, you know I'm your friend and here if you ever want to talk and need someone to listen about things beyond the restrictions of a forum post.
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