Suicide is a option

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Anydaynow, May 11, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. Anydaynow

    Anydaynow New Member

    I really am on my last legs at 19 & being the only child I'm feeling more & more depressed & lonely day by day.

    My situation is very different I have no job since I left running a retail bussiness with my dad (who happens to be extremely rich) about six months ago. My Mum & dad divorced when I was 2 & I lived with my mum till 18 she's fully English & my dad is fully Turkish.

    I always visited my Turkish family in school holiday's & virtually every summer but I never felt comfortable it's a very big family & the language barrier makes it so hard. I didn't get good grades at school & when turned 18 moved with my dad to London to run a shop I left as I couldn't hack it & missed my mum, friends & the calmness of my hometown in Kent. I worked my ass off 7 days a week 12+ hours a day & couldn't stand my father, knowing the things he done to my mum in the past so i left & it wasn't easy. All my mother has left is me she's so generous & selfless the complete opposite of my father so I had to comeback. I live on a council estate with my mum she has no job but her boyfriend does he's a good man would never lay a finger on her unlike the other boyfriends she's had take the piss out of her & beat her up.

    More to the point my dad's been round twice saying he has other shops with other members of family you can join but I rejected he fumed out sayin I was stubborn but I simply can't stand him & most of the family. My father beat up my mum when they were together & lost her a baby after I was born a brother or sister I always wished for, since finding this out I've lost respect (I have two half brother's from my dad but it's not the same especially with that bitch of a step mom). I knew this before I joined him in London but said to myself I had to do it for my mum she needs a better life. Now I'm in Kent down to the last few pounds I kept from workingwith him. And with my Dad hopefully gone, as I told him I don't want anything to do with my Turkish family I risk the money he sends to my mum £50 not much considering he's s millionaire but £50 she desperately needs.

    I'm a lazy bastard but now I have to find a way to make money as I said I'm just about getting by, I always thought I was gonna do something special I mean I love sports especially 11 a side football & cricket but now I'm to old & put on excess weight, I realised I'm gonna have to work 9-5 like everyone else, I just want to prove him wrong & make something of myself but it's hard I had a lot of friends growing up & my close ones on my estate who I grew with turned to drugs & stole money from my house so I'm basiaclly inside all day. I still got friends I play football with but their not so close & I have to live in the same estate as the wankers who stole my money one of them is my next door neighboor I can't stand it.

    I don't know were to turn I'm a failure I've never had a girlfriend, Before I was 14 I had offers but even then I had no confidence & my self esteem couldn't be lower I panic about the smallest things I'm absolutely useless with girls. Tbh I reckon my Mum thinks Im gay but I couldn't be anymore straight it's just I'm a coward, I should of stood up to the Friends who stole my & my family's money (or should have starting smoking & taking drugs with them) & I should stand up for myself to my **** of a father I have never told him what I think of him. I've always been independant (being the only child) & in a way prefer my own company the only thing stopping me from killing myself is the thought of my selfless mum having to scrimp & scrape for the rest of her years. Whatever happens I'll be a failure so maybe killing myself is the only option maybe an overdose it'll be the first brave thing I've done in my entire life. Sorry it's so long but I need to get it out.:mellow:
  2. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Hi there & welcome to SF.

    Your post said that "your situation was very different", I guess I'm curious to know different to what?

    I'm sorry to read about the struggles you have had with your Dad. I think what you need at the moment is to concentrate on you getting where you want to be rather than proving a point to your Dad.

    Everyone has aspirations of where they want to be in life, these things do not happen overnight though. Sometimes it takes starting off with a mundane job & working your way up to where you want to be.

    At 19 there is still time for college/training.

    You have identified a lot of issues from your post, perhaps too many to tackle at one time. Have you thought about writing things down & figuring out what you would like to address first? Maybe then everything else will fall into place.

    Wishing you all the best :hug: xx
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You have nothing to prove to your dad..You are an adult now and have your own life.. You say you hate him so just cut off all communcations with him and focus your energy on yourself and your mum..I agree with Claire that you are still young enough to go back to school.. I don't know if you have trade schools there but that would be an option..Take it one step at a time and before long you will have put alot of those thoughts behind you..Good luck to you!!!
  4. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    Your dad sounds like a real asswhole. I wouldn't worry about him, in fact, you aren't going to be happy until you don't care anymore what he thinks. You must live your life now to make it look good for your father, but to better succeed for you and your mom.

    Just because you can't be a professional athelete doesn't mean you can
    t be a huge sucess. You could get a job, go to school save money and start a business. Whatever you do, education is the key, its the way up. Even a trade school, anything to give yourself an edge, by having skilled labor you are increasing your chances of suceeding.

    Its wierd, I'm from a middle-class family and the last thing I want it money. In fact the only thing I want is family. If you have a good mom, thats all you need, trust me thats what matters in life.

    Does you mom work, why does she have to rely on your dad for money? Mabye its best you sever all ties with your dad, that way you won't have to worry about "lookng good" to him.
  5. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    I say kick your dads ass, what a shit head.
  6. Crue-K

    Crue-K Well-Known Member

    Why don't you work for your dad and skim off some of the takings, if and when he finds out just storm and say you dont want to see him again.
  7. Anydaynow

    Anydaynow New Member

    I did towards the last few months I was there, could have done it in the thousands if I wanted the funny thing is I was only paid for 4 of the 8 months I worked & the money was very average.

    Thanks for everyone that has replyed I really do appreciate it & thank's to you guys I've realised I'm more fortunate then most, I may poorer then most but money's not everything.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.