Ok so here is the deal and I am going to try and make this as short as possible. In fact I am just going to make a list as opposed to going into extreme detail about everything. Here goes: 1.For some reason I can't get a job and it has been two months I am down to applying to fast food resturants and I am 24 year old who used to manage one of the busiest bars in the city. I don't get it. 2. I have been so poor lately I have gone to selling myself. Not on street corners but by going through craigslist and finding men willing to pay for sex. Which turns out to be harder than you think because... 3.I am fat and that actually doesnt bother me THAT much ony when people use it as their basis to judge my entire being. (I actually think I am rather pretty though) 4. I am still living at home because for some reason I can't settle down 5. I finally stopped using drugs but it is all I EVER want to do and I have been clean off of coke and heroin for a year ( I still drink but socially) 6.I have histrionic personality disorder and EVErY symptom that goes along with it. 7. My mom and i cant be in the same room without wanting to kill each other and she has schizophrenia 8. No one has ever loved me in a non plutonic way. I have only ever had 3 boyfriends 2 for 1 month 1 for 6months and other than that no one is interested or ever has been. 9. I am however the girl ever guy wants to make the other woman 10. I have slept around so much its a miracle I am clean (71 people and counting and that is since I was 20) 11. I mess everything up that I touch. 12. I am too trusting and so eager to be loved I always get hurt (see symptoms of histrionic disorder) I dunno i could go on and on but we can start with these I suppose. I think about suicide CONSTANTLY about 49503948592834 times a day. It seems like the only thing i have that could fix everything all at once and put some power back into my hands. Plus a girl I knew from school elementary and all the way up just committed suicide if she can do it why can't i?