suicide is hard work

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by LostMyMind, Jun 2, 2007.

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  1. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    It's hard to find a quick and painless method that evades others. They don't allow us to order the appropriate drugs or chemicals for the task, therapists and doctors want to put you in isolation, friends and family give you "things will get better" and "you know what that would do to us" stories.

    I'm schizophrenic, extremely depressed and just want to leave this pathetic existence; whats so hard to accept about that? Why does it have to be so difficult to do? It's not like the world would be effected. One less mouth to feed in our overpopulated, fat and greedy ass society.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It is true that it seems the whole reason for staying alive tends to revolve around the needs of someone else. I have no real answers for you LostMyMind. I do know from talking with several suicide survivors, some are glad their attempts failed. Not always right away because the pain and hurt is still there coupled with the anger of failing or being helped. There are some that say they would have missed out on the good things that did happen to them later. Things did improve, did get better, and they are actually content with their lives.Of course this does not hold true for everyone. I guess maybe we should take the chance in the hopes that we are the one it does change for. Who knows what we might have missed out on, or whose life we may have had an influence on. There are so many unknowns in it all. I know you have tried, but I will ask that you keep trying. Maybe, just maybe, the time will come for you too.
  3. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your response. You're one of the most helpful people on this site; hope you know that.

    Because of my mental problems I live a mostly sedentary life in front of the computer monitor. I've had my mind set on carrying out suicide for a good four months now. I hate that it's such a difficult endeavor. I feel so trapped. :sad:

    I haven't really lived yet and If I could somehow find happiness in this fucked up life of mine I would be alright. Don't see it happening tho since I'm so messed up in the head. Wish I weren't me.. I hate everything about myself.

    Excuse me for whining.
  4. Erika

    Erika Account Closed

    Poor you and i think we are like these innocent beings that have to suffer as though everything is passed on from our parents and their parent etc etc. I mean schitzophrenia, that is passed on from really messed up family issues isnt it?

    I feel suicidal as well, in 23 f. But have no ideas whether <Mod Edit: Abacus21 - do not post methods here>
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 3, 2007
  5. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    I'm isolated too, and I wonder why I'm alive. My parents are dead. I have no family. I have a couple good friends, but I don't talk to them everyday.

    I can't tell you whether life is worth living or not. The fact is, there will be pain to balance out any pleasures. And without pain, we wouldn't enjoy our pleasures as much.

    Everyone must realize that life is not a long, smooth, trouble-free road. Nobody can be happy all the time.
  6. KKaye

    KKaye Member

    I understand that whole ' living for others ' issue.
    I find it so difficult to 1. take that as a reason yet 2. find any other reason.

    I also find it hard to have my own existence be reason enough.
    I hope you find some peace.
  7. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    There is no known cause of schizophrenia. Sometimes it runs in families but that isn't the case with me. I think mine was triggered when I lost my girlfriend, job, home, belongings, started having fucked up dreams and ended up living on the streets for a week.
  8. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean LMM why can't us people who are just too tired of it all be able to sleep forever.It seems like we have to go on for other's,when people say it get's better they have no idea.
  9. Bostonensis

    Bostonensis Guest

    LLM you are not suffering it alone. The very basic core of suicide is our control over any suffering we are or have to endure that I now understand from Dr. Kevorkian; if we can live & be able to think that we have an option to an incurable pain that is available to us when we needed it the mostthen we can all live in peace. What really haunts me the most is the agony of pain on my way to death. And I do believed that it is our main issue here. Given the choice to die without the agony of pain is very comforting. Howevr the moralistic view of the society is imposed on everybody & this I believed is a deprivation of the individuals will ;which is in itself a treason to the people committed by the government.

    You may watch the interview & the process on 60 minutes on youtube.It was shown last night. The assistive pain free death is on the video.
  10. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    My bother deals with his schizophrenia. He is 40 now and more stable than ever in his life. Everyones symptoms are unique to them. I applaud you for coping as best you can. My aunt says "life is a card game, you have to play the hand you're dealt". I have a terrible hand, but ????

    From reading, being around mental health....I question that the above events would be the exact cause. The illness may have been dormat/silent. As you aged and had the crisis, your brain was affected.

    I had many traumas occur in my younger years. Does that cause bipolar or the chemicals to be off in my brain. I think: family, life, envirnomental.

    Personally, it does not matter what illness you are stuck with, we all have crap in our face. Your questioning has been posted on here at SF many times. Gentlelady is right, maybe meds or situations will change. I am glad my past attempts were nil. But, I messed it up and am still back here again.
    BUT, give yourself a little credit, you lived this long.....?
  11. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    Around the time the aforementioned took place is when I started hearing voices; so it is what my therapist believes to be the cause. I can't be sure exactly, but I know it doesn't run in my family.

    It's very true that life is like a card game. That's a good metaphor.
  12. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    What would I look up in order to view this video?
    Damn I hate being on dial-up. :mad:
  13. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean, but what if ones life is void of all happiness? To me, that's when it seems not worth living.
  14. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    I know the feeling, dial-up sux. But, at least you're online somehow.
    I had to suffer w/out broadband for a few months last year...drove me crazy!!
    :type: Though I MUST have the internet somehow, without is death.
  15. LostMyMind

    LostMyMind Well-Known Member

    I don't know what I would do without any internet at all. Go completely insane for sure.
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