Suicide is just death to me

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ansdr, Aug 12, 2008.

  1. ansdr

    ansdr Well-Known Member

    Life is just progress to me, death is normal. Suicide seems normal, why would anyone want to live in a world where no one loved them, what point is living life when you can't find love. Suicide is a good thing to me, because it's a way out of all this, all this meaningless school business, all this respect this or that religon, all this girls only like pretty boys business. I seriously have nothing to live for, no family no friends. I besides i like sex and my mom scewed my head up over it and almost made me lose my attraction because of her beliefs. Everyone is so sexually repressed though, i think i'd rather just take death and pass up on it, i heard it wasn't that great anyways. :rolleyes:. I'm glad because im tired of tasting the bitterness of life, the stink of it, the sad and confusing feelings it brings, and while it may be good to some it is not good to everyone. Every minute of my life is a question, false hope, a love not returned. And i ruined the one relationship that meant the most to me, it's not too late to fix it, but it's too much work and then again it may just be better to let it go. I can't say that i will miss anyone or anything about life. Suicide is death, sometimes it may be a symbol of dark death, or a symbol of something bad as people like to see it, a symbol of something wrong, but it is death all the same. Death just like being hit by a car, or dying in a fire, or dying at the end of your life. When your young people fill your head with bedtimes stories and disney movies telling everything will be alright, then you grow and you see none of it exist, people are cruel, and picky and at many times annoying, some may hit you, be cruel for no reason other than entertainment. But it does not mean they pay for it. Life is random, no good guys, no bad guys, no right, no wrong, just is. And i'm glad to be through with it. Altough i do wish i found someone to love before my life was over, it's too much work, and doesn't seem worht it in the end. Death doesn't know suicide, death is just death, the end of biological function.
  2. shotmillions

    shotmillions Member

    Agree on some points altough to be honest i have slept with alot of people and usually do and it doesnt make me feel better or loved or whatever. Least after it anyway and i think what was the point of that. And girls dont just like pretty boys duno where u got that from :p haha Are you still in school i take it?
  3. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    "I can't say that i will miss anyone or anything about life." ~ I feel exactly the same way. Suicide is just another word for death.... People just call it suicide so they can feel justice.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Death is a natural progression of life. All life eventually does come to an end, but the key word is natural. Suicide does not fall into that category. I do not feel school is meaningless. You gain the basic knowledge you need to survive both academically and socially. We all have benchmarks to reach and hoops to climb through, but in the end we are better people for it. I am sorry you find everything so meaningless. Try an experiment. For everything you find no meaning in try to find what the meaning is. See if you can come up with it and then believe in it. Some things you may be able to do this easily and others may be nealy imopossible, but the meaning is there. Look outside the box if you need to. See where that takes your frame of mind.
  5. acitone

    acitone New Member

    When you die - that's it - you just die! I don't believe in any ghosts or spirits nor souls and angels. I think it's all fake. I have strangled myself before and when I started to lose conscienceness I didn't see any damn light at the end of no tunnel or none of that horse shit, it just simply felt like I was gonna DIE and rot! I think we're just organic beings, too smart for our own understanding.

    I have tried to kill myself many many times and have always failed - I love who I am too much and also, the thought about "how bad is this gonna hurt?" keeps me from actually doing it. My mom was the same way, she was like Bobby Bouche's mom from Water Boy (watch it if ya haven't) and told me everything was "the devil" and all that crap. I couldn't go anywhere, friends couldn't come over, girls were certainly off limits, and I couldn't even watch Batman cause "God was the only hero!!" :laugh: Horseshit.

    Sex is very important to people, especially Americans - everythings about frigiin' sex here. It's all bout women. To be honest, women annoy me. They are irrational and impulsive, hardly logical and you cannot depend on them - they are quite selfish and will only please you IF they think you are a hell of a guy, basically if you make their pussy smile lol. So i dislike women as beings but I AM attracted to them. I became addicted to porn since girls were a "no no" and still am a little. It's very tough. I also have a certain look that gets so much attention it has literally driven me mad - everyone thinks I'm gay and CANNOT for the life of them stop talking about it!

    I don't go out unless I have to and I have absolutely 0 friends. I confronted them one-by-one because they were all saying negative things about me. I'm one of those guys that makes people feel jealous but intimidated at the same time. It makes them (I guess) feel as though they HAVE to talk about me in order to make themselves feel better. People do not approach me about anything. If I was laying on the street corner with fresh blood leaking out after both my legs and arms had been reently chooped off not a SINGLE American person would offer a helping hand or an "are you alright". Nope. They notice me and they watch me, but that's all they wanna do, is watch and talk crap. That's it. If one person likes me then others wanna be on my dick as well - people are followers and pathetic.

    I have lost my respect for people as a result of these experiences. They don;t care about important things - only the petty crap. I cannot step foot out of my house without at least ONE human saying something about me, it's ridiculous. I have had so many confrontations and I've become anti-social. I mean how the hell can anyone enjoy himself when EACH and EVERY person in ANY given social setting is CONSTANTLY talking negative about him? Calling him a "fag" and what not. It's the most horrible thing ever. I have experienced homelessness, broken bones, bankruptcy, and all that pathetic crap people call "real problems'",...but nothing compares to everyone hating you just for having an intriguing appearance. AND HELL NO, I AM NOT FULL OF MYSELF, it's just that after people have been treating you this way, you get a little down and have to find a way to build your self esteem back up. And my way of doing that is acknowledging the fact that I stand out. People have constantly told me I look liek Will Smith and crap. I don't even like compliments anymore. What's the point of being an attractive person if it makes people HATE you? Then they say I need "help", THEY need help in order to control and put a leash on their jealousy. It's pathetic. And women act scared, so I just leave them alone. All they wanna do is play games with a guy like me anyway because I'm nice. And I don't like that because I am one of VERY FEW fully honest people in this country and I am a man of my word. Women seem to like the assholes and I am just not that asshole. They like a certain brand of asshole that I just am NOT and refuse to be. So screw women. If people wanna think I'm gay let em. Heck, these are the same people that believe in a "god" and a "heaven" of all things so for them ti believe that I'm gay is actually not too surprising.

    It just really tickles me in a Heath Ledger's Joker kind of way how I am so bent and twisted with my life because of the way I look. Do you think people would terat me tha same way at a party with everyone wearing a ninja costume? No way. Jealousy is their poison and I cannot defeat it. I will kill myself. The thing is I want to punish at least a few people and kill them as well before taking my own life.

    If I was but-ugly no one would care if I was "gay" or "straight" or anything like that. All people wnt to do is laugh at someone like me. No sympathy at all because I look kind of intimidating and a bit attractive. I am so unfortunate. I don't know what they expect. White women talk about me just like black, spanish, and every other type of woman - what the hell do they want from me????What do they expect? Just cause I'm an ok looking black guy i have to BANG everyone of them or something???? I will never stick my penis into another female ever. I don't want anything to do with humanity, they disgust me. So much potential and it's all wasted on bullshit thoughts and nonsense. I'm all for a mass population cut. The larger a soceity gets the DUMBER it gets - believe it. In the year 1901 there were less than 2 billion folks on the planet and now we have over 6, that's a major problem. Everyone acts like they don;t have time for anyone and people are so selfish.

    Let me tell you somehting my friend, I hated high school, but not NEARLY as much as I hate the real world. But you never know cause some people get out of high school, where they were teased and tormented and then enter the real world to enjoy a great life. I just know that this pathetic world is not meant for me.

    My main struggle is controlling my thoughts and it is something I will have to master in order to avoid killing anyone else. But it is something I greatly desire to do before ending my own life. I just feel like at leasrt SOMEBODY has got to be punished for the way they treat those like me! I haven't done anything to anyone. All I do is go out and try to mind my buiness and these fools talk so much shit about me that it makes me want to snap my own neck and die. It makes me misrable. And then I hate people but then again, like you said, life alone is not worth living. And girls are tricky. I personally am going to leave them alone, heck, I'm headed for the deathbed anyway but if you want to live a good life you will probably have to embrace women at some point. They are annoying but nature has programmed you to feel as though you need them. I , personally, will ignore that programming and do my own thing until I die. I feel as though how you live your life doesn'y matter in the end any damn way because we all end up dead. No one has the last laugh.