I have been thinking about committing suicide for about a year and a half. I think about it daily. Usually first thing in the morning and in bed before I go to sleep. The actual act in my honest opinion is something that is over thought and made needlessly difficult for someone whose day to day life is more or less painful and a state of panic. I just don't want to be alive any more . . . for the most part. I would never do some crazy quick and brutal suicide . . . and leave a room all messy. I don't want anyone to have to deal with anything . . . be it psychological or in terms of disposal of my body. I have thought that it would be more beneficial to people I care about to just disappear. To go to a remote location where I won't be found and just take care of it there. I would probably liquidate all of my assetts . . . clear all of my debt and get completely square with everyone before doing so. Settle every penny I owe. And for what it's worth. If I were to do that . . . I would pretty much be on the street. It would take everything I own to settle my debts. I have thought that making it look like a murder would be less painful to people close to me than making it an apparent suicide. But I don't want a big mess to clean up. I basically wish I could just do it in a kind way . . . though that is impossible. Let everyone know it is no fault of theirs. That I just don't enjoy life. And I don't want to be around . . . and if it's because I am a bad person . . . well, it's evident I don't want to be around any more. And I think for the most part it would end up being a relief to some of the people I know. Especially my Dad.