Suicide is needlessly complicated

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by billya1476, Oct 8, 2007.

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  1. billya1476

    billya1476 New Member

    I have been thinking about committing suicide for about a year and a half. I think about it daily. Usually first thing in the morning and in bed before I go to sleep.

    The actual act in my honest opinion is something that is over thought and made needlessly difficult for someone whose day to day life is more or less painful and a state of panic.

    I just don't want to be alive any more . . . for the most part. I would never do some crazy quick and brutal suicide . . . and leave a room all messy.

    I don't want anyone to have to deal with anything . . . be it psychological or in terms of disposal of my body.

    I have thought that it would be more beneficial to people I care about to just disappear. To go to a remote location where I won't be found and just take care of it there.

    I would probably liquidate all of my assetts . . . clear all of my debt and get completely square with everyone before doing so. Settle every penny I owe. And for what it's worth. If I were to do that . . . I would pretty much be on the street. It would take everything I own to settle my debts.

    I have thought that making it look like a murder would be less painful to people close to me than making it an apparent suicide. But I don't want a big mess to clean up.

    I basically wish I could just do it in a kind way . . . though that is impossible. Let everyone know it is no fault of theirs. That I just don't enjoy life. And I don't want to be around . . . and if it's because I am a bad person . . . well, it's evident I don't want to be around any more.

    And I think for the most part it would end up being a relief to some of the people I know. Especially my Dad.
  2. Ronnoc3

    Ronnoc3 Active Member

    I can sorta relate to this. When i get to worst the only reason i don't commit suicide is because of the reasons you have listed above, i wish there were someway round it, but there isnt.
  3. billya1476

    billya1476 New Member

    I agree . . . it is really probably the worst thing you can do . . . not even to your self. To someone else.

    I had a reasonably normal childhood. My Dad beat the shit out of me . . . and was not around alot.

    But I am not a crazy psycho . . . or anything close. I am for the most part normal. I don't have kids to beat . . . I am just not someone that would ever end up on the six o'clock news.

    My Dad could/would care less . . . just one less person to have to worry about. And I don't mean to sound insensitive when I say that. He was for the most part fairly cruel. I don't think he would loose a single nights sleep over it . . .

    My Mom on the other hand would be totally crushed. The two were polar opposites. If I had to live with just my Dad growing up. I probably would have left before High School was out . . . or he may have eventually stepped over the line.

    I wish I could make a select group of people understand it has nothing to do with them at all . . .

    That it is my decision. And in my mind it is associated with relief. More or less joy . . . to say the least.
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