im a 17 year old guy and suicide has been on my mind for awhile now, its really starting to scare me. since i was a young boy i never fitted in at home or school - i never was able to talk to people easily (my own age or adults, even my parents). and i still cant, i even find it impossibe to keep eye contact with anyone. i dont really have any friends ( never really have, just people i know.) i have been told by afew people that i am hard to have a real conversation with, and yes i clearly see that is true which just brings my self exsteem down. i have been very depressed for afew years now, and for the past year i have started to have suicidle thoughts often ( not all the time, they only trigger if im really bored, or get angry about something, or someone asks where my life is going in the future.) so im stuck, i hate life and want to end it, but i cant because i have a string of hope that makes me think one day thing may be alright, but i doubt it. also the thought of what effects it may have on my family cause me to not want to do it, purley cause i would rather suffer myself than make them suffer. part of me really does want to live, but i have no idea of how to overcome these suicidle thoughts and feelings of worthlessness and disapointment in myself. any advice would be greatly helpful. thank you.