Suicide Kit?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by downunder, Jul 19, 2008.

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  1. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    Just wondering if anybody carries around or has around the house or in their bag something to do themselves in with.

    I seem to, I just seem to feel happier to have it, sort of become my security blanket.

    I also had something else hidden up in the roof that my husband found and he didn't tell me but told my counsellor.:eek:hmy:

    My husband found something in my bag the other day, :blink: but he didn't tell me that he found it, he says we have to talk but he can't bring the topic up, and I don't like to worry him.

    Sorry about the strange topics, but I can't exactly say to anyone else the things I do, I would totally flip them out. I know that it is not normal and also a very dangerous thing to do.

    Since seeing the counsellor on Friday I have a strong urge to go to the shops and buy more stuff.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Well to start with are you honest with your counseler. You need to open up and learn to trust. I realize that is a big step. I have major trust issues. That is one thing that has not changed since I have been in therapy. I do tell my therapist everything so she is aware of my issues. We are working on it, Right now I am still working on trusting myself. She says the issues with other people will be easier to deal with once I learn to be intimate with myself. I live with my sister and she knows very little about what is happening with me because I don't talk. Maybe one day but not now!! Keep up with your counselor because they do make a difference!! Good Luck!!:chopper:!!
  3. Event_Horizon

    Event_Horizon SF Supporter

    There is an odd security in having the means at your disposal but there is also an inherent risk of hasty action. Your feeling are in no way strange, there is a sense of relief of possible escape by having the means so close by. But the dangers are real and you have to ask yourself is the security it affords you worth it? What are you like with out having any means at your disposal? What is the driving thought behind the urge to have the means available to you? Try and be aware of the thoughts behind your actions. Analyse them and discuss them with your therapist if you have a good enough rapport with them.
  4. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    yep, for a long time i carried sleeping pills with me. it was not a healthy thing. the immediate problem was that i had a method easily to hand, so every time i started to feel overwhelmed or in a meltdown i'd start fantasizing about od'ing - in the park, in the toilet at the bus station, down an alley. i learned that to survive these suicidal feelings i needed to put as many obstacles as possible between me and my methods. for a while than meant leaving the pills at home. last week i finally gave all my extra pills back to the pharmacist so that she could safely get rid of them. it wasn't easy. i cried for 2 days straight. like you, suicide was my safety blanket for a long time, for me, since i was 13. what helped was writing a letter to my (younger) self promising that i would take care of her, that she didn't need suicide as an option anymore, and that i would never leave her alone. that really helped. i hope the day will come that you can give up your 'kit'...
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I don't carry it with me anymore, but it is in a place where I can access it easily. When I know things are going bad, I make sure I put it where there are obstacles so I have that built in time delay for a safety measure. I hope the day soon comes for you that you no longer need to have anything put together. :hug:
  6. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I use to, yes, but I don't anymore, I also had a SH kit, a bag of ointment, bandages, peroxide, gauze and alcohol to sterilize my SH tool. Though I no longer have my suicide kit and I keep my SH stuff away where it is difficult to get, though I write in my venting thread or write poetry or mess with photo manipulation and photography and crafts now to distract myself. I hope one day you'll do a bit better and won't feel the need to have one. Maybe you should talk to your counselor more often. Take care and stay safe, Hun. :hug:
  7. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    Dazzle, I also had the sleeping tablets thing happening, then I used them but am still here. Afterwards had such a sense of relief. I think because I no longer have them now and can't get any more unless I go to a doctor for a script, and I also know that one packet is not enough.
  8. DrowningInTears

    DrowningInTears Well-Known Member

    I do have stuff to * myself with but thats not too effective. I've thought of putting one together with more reliable methods so that when i am overcome with emotion i will use it. because it is hard to follow through and really kill yourself. but if i had it there ready and easy to access i could do it when i am overwhelmed and acting on pure emotion.
  9. downunder

    downunder Well-Known Member

    I went out and bought more stuff, and my husband found it!! :mad:

    I know I am stressing him out but I can't help it. I have finished with my counsellor too.
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