suicide my only option?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lucy1234, Jun 13, 2015.

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  1. lucy1234

    lucy1234 New Member

    Ive made terrible mistakes in my life,feeling like a massive failure right now, I have cheated on my wife (yes im gay) and after some poaching from her it has been found out, I cant even describe the amount of hatred and guilt im feeling right now, i am discusting and worthless and no matter what i do, i always fuck it up... i work in retail, surrounded by lots of people and i have never ever felt so alone in all my life, I have no friends that i trust enough, and all ican think about now is killing myself, i have nothing and no-one to be strong for anymore. knowing i have put my wife through so much pain is killing me deep inside, i cant function but i have to work, if i had it my way, id just walk out and go die in a hole somewhere, i see no way out, i cant see anything worth living for in the future.... i need some serious help and i have no idea where to begin :( :(
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there lucky and welcome to the forum.

    I realise you have made some mistakes, we've all made some mistakes some small some big but at the end of the day it's up to us on how we cope with them.
    You are not alone here on this forum. Be strong for yourself. She may forgive you, I think you should look through all your options with suicide not being one of them. I hope you continue to post here and share your feelings :hugs:
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    The thing about mistakes, we can either learn from them or continue to make the same ones over and over again.
    Be the person who learns from them and puts as many right as they can and then moves on from them.
    Massive amounts of guilt, while understandable, and in a way the right way of thinking, if wallowed in for too long become self defeating.
    At some point you need to say and think, "ok that was a shitty thing to do, I'm never doing that again" and stick to it.

    Is everything irrevocably over between you and your partner, or this there a door left open?
    If there is any hope, tell her just how sorry you are and that you will never do this again....and MEAN IT!
    She may need time to think things through and if she does give her the space.
    If it's completely over, learn from it and never risk a relationship in this way again.
    Then take every day one minute at a time, I know work can feel crushing at a time like this, but it at least gives you something else to concentrate on.
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