Suicide?? New View on it...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Brad, Jun 15, 2012.

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  1. Brad

    Brad Member

    Today was a shitty day. I come home from work to find out one of my brothers good friends killed himself, he was 16. I barely knew the kid, but have seen him at my house a lot and always say hello, he seemed like the nicest kid on earth, and he was. Not one person has anything bad to say about him, and I know fake people say that but this is serious, he was nice, kind friendly to EVERYONE. He was a little shy, but his good friends knew how good of a kid he was. We live in an affluent suburb of New York City and he has the nicest family you could possibly imagine. He siblings all love him and post pics of them having so much fun together on facebook, his parents are extremely nice and they are all very involved with the church, with him being in a very close knit youth group. I just wondered "why" --- he has a great life, lives in a great community, has so many friends, such a supporting family....why? At first i was in shock....then i broke down, started crying, looking through his pics and what everyone was writing on facebook, it was so sad. People i guess dont really realize how many people actually do care about you. I dropped my brother off at his house and there were so many people and flowers in his house, it was spilling out into the front and back yard. Our town is hurt right now, all because he felt it was his only out... he was mistaken, and now there is no going back.

    I joined this site because I was curious about suicide. I have been dealing with great depression while away at school this past year and i hit my lowest of lows when I was standing on top of a parking garage in the middle of the night, 9 stories up, with a suicide letter in my pocket looking over the edge thinking to myself "I could do it right now". I didnt, because of my mom...she wouldn't know how to live with herself im sure. She started crying today telling me i could tell her anything and asking how someone could ever get to this point...i just kept my mouth shut and agreed. In reality, i knew exactly what this kid was feeling, no where to turn, feels like it'll only get worse, thinking 'whats the point of living if you hate life you live and see no way of changing it'...

    I guess this shows how much suicide hurts..not only your family but your community, even people that don't even know you. If your reading this and suicidal, think about this, seriously. My town, school, family, friends are torn apart over this..its bigger than you would think.

    But even after this, i still feel like i could commit suicide if my life doesnt get better within the next couple of years, i know thats a terrible thought, but its just how i feel i guess.

    Thanks for reading i know it was long..

    RIP W 6/14/12
     
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Brad I'm so sorry for the loss of your brothers friend
    You're right about the 'ripple effect' suicide has and it affects way more people than we think it will
    it's always a shame it's too late to see who cares once we're gone

    i lost my son this way and can relate to your post..
    i hope anyone reading this will re consider their options and get help
    and you're so right about how your mother would cope without you
    her life will cease the day yours does..

    i hope you hold on for that couple more years because you never know what's around the corner :hug:
     
  3. Baldr

    Baldr Moderator Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry too :hug:
    but I just want to say that looks can de decieving.
    No one knows about my family situation apart from my family members themselves and people here, so to other people the situation looks normal but it isn't at all.
    You can also look happy in pictures while really you just aren't.
    That's all I wanted to say, I do hope it's not wrong of me to say this.. :unsure:
     
  4. EisNayk

    EisNayk Well-Known Member

    death normally occurs when methods of coping < the pain you feel. when you hit this point you begin to realize no matter how hard you try the pain only increases. I know I have plenty of people who care for me but that really is not enough I have been through many methods of coping all of which have lost the effectiveness they once had. been through lots of meds all of which made things worse rather than better and seen many therapists. all of which for me has = a dead end. my pain has gotten so bad I have began to refuse to eat.
     
  5. nessa456

    nessa456 Active Member

    I know how you feel.

    I've been on anti-depressants throughout my adult life on and off and whenever I've come off them I've become suicidally depressed.
    It's like there's no escape from it and I'm worn out from trying. I haven't even got the energy to get into the shower at the moment.
    I feel terrible.
     
  6. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Brad, I'm sorry to hear your bad news. I lost my 18 year old son to this as well. I have sent you a PM private message relating to how we cope.
     
  7. Kim Novak

    Kim Novak Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry about your brother's friend. It is possible he knew how much he was loved. Maybe the pain he was feeling overshadowed thoughts about how others would be affected.

    My family loves me, and would be deeply hurt by my death, but I may not be able to focus on this at the time.
     
  8. bottleneck

    bottleneck Member

    I think though, we get to a point where we've tried hard for so long, and nothing has ever gotten better. I've wanted to kill myself since I was 9. That was 30-years ago. I kept going because people kept saying it would get better. I believed them. But it hasn't. And now I'm expected to be a responsible adult who can handle life. People are tired of helping me. I'm tired of not knowing how to rely on myself.

    It doesn't get better for some people.
     
  9. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I know when I kill myself, people will ask why. He had so much potential, he had a great job, he could support himself, he was so smart. All those things will be asked. However, despite all these things I only want to die. The only difference with me is that my funeral, memorial, whatever, will only be attended by family. Then no one will know what to say, because there is nothing to say. I do not have any of the things that this kid did. Sorry I will be dead soon enoughand forgotten
     
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