suicide note

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by gchicklet, Sep 1, 2014.

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  1. gchicklet

    gchicklet Well-Known Member

    So I wrote a note for my therapist. He's the only one that would really care anyway. Does that make me weird?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No not weird at all and your therapist should know how you are feeling so i hope you show your therapist the note now so he or she can help you ok
     
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    not at all...for a while I would leave messages for my therapist all the time, I think I would leave messages after messages on her phone, because of what was happening at home.

    sometimes writing a note and giving it to someone who cares is the only solution. It's good that you feel he cares and would try and help you...I hope you talk with him soon
     
  4. gchicklet

    gchicklet Well-Known Member

    I never had the intention of showing it to him. Just to have it ready if I need to hit send. It's sitting in my email draft folder.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 1, 2014
  5. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    ever keep a diary or think of updating the note?
     
  6. Send the email to your therapist. Let him know how you feel so that he can help you better. :hug:
     
  7. gchicklet

    gchicklet Well-Known Member

    He knows I go back and forth emotionally. And up and down on the suicidal scale.

    I do keep two journals. One that I'm willing to share with him, and one that's completely private. There have been times that I've walked into his office and just handed it to him.

    I just have it for two reasons. 1. I don't want him to think there was something he didn't do. 2. I don't want to just randomly not show up for an appointment and have him wonder what happened.

    So yeah, no intent to send it if I don't have to. Besides, I don't want him to think I'm being manipulative or anything.
     
  8. sadcat

    sadcat Well-Known Member

    hi

    I do not know you. But it makes me very sad that you feel so bad that you wnat to leave this world.
    I want you to know that I am here often and am willing to talk to you , if it will help you.

    sending healing thoughts , sadcat
     
  9. lexiektaylor

    lexiektaylor New Member

    no not weird, not even a little. your therapist is there to help you through everything and he/she needs to know what your feeling to do so. very good job for doing that
     
  10. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Perhaps one day you might consider showing the real trust in your therapist by taking in both journals and letting him peruse them with you and discuss why the differences and find some strategies for making the private one more in line with the one you share which is I am guessing a little more optimistic and a little closer to what you would like to be feeling rather than what you are feeling. If he/she knew the difference they could be a lot more effective in helping you get to the point where you want to be.
     
  11. gchicklet

    gchicklet Well-Known Member

    It isn't so much a trust issue. More like the fact that the one journal is one that I specifically started to share with him because I knew there was stuff I would have a hard time taliking about otherwise. Stuff in the private journal is stuff we've talked about without needing it.

    The biggest difference in the way the two are written is the language. I try to avoid using 4 letter words in the one I share with him, just because it's a religious counseling office and it feels like swearing in church.

    I don't use that kind of language often, only when I'm feeling completely worked over by life. I have used it in his office at times and he didn't bat an eye. So he knows about that too.

    Granted the are a few choice words in the email.
     
  12. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I can understand the language vs religious atmosphere. You get bonus points for being sensitive and respectful to the environment and others in that environment. So far as the note, maybe instead of hit send and send them in a panic mention it in the journal you do share and see where it goes from that. You then have informed them of what you did and where your mind went or goes to on occasion while at the same time maintaining control of if you want to share the actual contents of the note or not.
     
  13. gchicklet

    gchicklet Well-Known Member

    Not an option. If he knows it exists he'll want to see it and he'll give me that look that I can't say no to. Then he'll read it while I'm sitting there and it will all be just super awkward.

    He knows how down I can get on myself. And he knows how suicidal I can get. I'm just not up to that at this point.
     
  14. James12

    James12 Member

    Morning gchicklet, I don't think your writing the note for your therapist makes you weird either. Trust is very helpful in a therapist patient relationship, and your having written a note for him/her is a sign that you trust that person. I hope your doing well today ; )
     
  15. DMBMom

    DMBMom Member

    Not weird. After all, this is the person to whom you've been sharing your deepest emotions. It's basically like telling a doctor about your symptoms.

    I have a rather nosy question. Feel free not to answer. Therapists have a duty to protect their patients. If they think you're likely to hurt yourself or someone else, privacy goes out the window and they're supposed to call for help. Has this therapist ever done that?

    Don't save the note for the possibility that you may have a bad enough day to send it. Give it to him as soon as you can. Otherwise, it's like sending critical lab results to a doctor after a patient has expired. The only good it could do would be that, perhaps, he'd learn something to help him treat his other patients. But that doesn't help you.

    Take care.
     
  16. gchicklet

    gchicklet Well-Known Member

    No, he hasn't. But only after we talked about it a lot. Maybe because I've come so close so many times and haven't done it. IDK.

    We've already talked about everything in the note. I've had it for a while. Just something about having it in that format I'm not comfortable giving him right now.
     
  17. gchicklet

    gchicklet Well-Known Member

    To add to that, he knows I was hospitalized as a kid and it was a lousy experience I'm really not comfortable repeating. That may be enough to keep me from going through with anything.....blah.
     
  18. Pooklet

    Pooklet New Member

    I recently opened up to my therapist and told him the "non sugar coated" version. He's told me that he is not equipped to deal with me in that place and that he can refer me to someone who is. Back to hiding I go. If he can't help me then there is no hope.

    He is the one person that I've told almost everything to.
     
  19. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN


    Sounds like he just told you somebody that can help you... might want to give that person a call....
     
  20. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    Please give that person a call. You have made the big step to tell him the non sugar coated version. Now the next big step is to pick up the phone.
     
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