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Suicide or homelessness?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by alexander, Sep 22, 2010.

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  1. alexander

    alexander Active Member

    Things are getting pretty bad for me atm, I've been working in a crap unskilled job for nearly 20 years that pays barely minimum wage, haven't even held a woman's hand in as many years let alone been in a relationship, at the age of 34 I've only been in one 3 month relationship in my entire life, I've lived in one small room for the last 10 years paying 80% of what little wages I get to various landlords, my current place of residence is being sold so I have to move on, I have no money, I feel depressed and suicidal, just the thought of going into work makes me want to end it all.

    I don't have any grades, I'm basically stupid, I find very simple tasks hard to master, and I'm ugly to boot so even charming my way into a better life is out of the equation, so therefore doomed to crap jobs for the rest of my life.

    I don't know how to socialise with people, never have done, I even remember being in my first school not understanding how to interact with other children, I was always perplexed as to how they got along together so well as I stood on the sideline watching alone.

    All my friends have grown up and moved on, most have families and children of their own and I never really hear from them.

    I'm basically scared and alone, and honestly tired of this life, I have to move on but I don't know what direction to take, I'm thinking of plucking up the courage to finish it or I could move back to my home city but that will probably mean living on the streets, what's the point in going on if I don't have any prospects or any redeeming qualities?, part of me says 'well I've got nothing to lose living on the streets, at least give it a go' and another part of me keeps pushing me to end it.

    The way I see it it's simple science, I'm just bad DNA, an unfortunate calibration of genes from my parents, it's a case of survival of the fittest and unfortunately I'm far form being one of the fittest, why should I carry on when it's obvious that I'm not worthy of this existence?, what right do I have to be a burden to society?
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 22, 2010
  2. An0n

    An0n New Member

    The articulation of your post and grammar are proof enough that you're not stupid.

    Just sounds to me like you're lacking confidence and social skills. Take some leave time off work get out there and force yourself to socialise, contact friends, and try and go out, as hard as that may be.

    Grades don't mean toffee. I know as I've got next to sweet fa grades myself. Sounds like you could have had a learning disability (a mere possibility?), doesn't mean you're an idiot if so. Stop putting yourself down.

  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    As Tony said a stupid person would not have been able to write such a good post.

    I cannot socialize to save my life either. I would say I am trying to learn, but I have To say the definition of trying is pretty broad. You just need to get yourself out There. I know I am trying to get myself out there.

    To Nasser your question... hmmm I would choose homelessness. Become a traveler walking around the country. Work enough to feed yourself and just live a carefree life. That is what I would do if I became homeless.
  4. Ronny

    Ronny Banned Member

    I feel for you Alexander, i really do.
  5. Tome811

    Tome811 Member

    I can relate somewhat to your situation. I am about to lose everything, mainly my home. What am I to do? Walk out into the street, carrying my pet and become homeless? Leave everything my Mother and I have worked for all of our lives, for someone to come in here and pilfer everything they can get their hands on? Called a church looking for suggestions on what I can do and was told I should go to a shelter. I don't believe a shelter will allow me to be there with my pet. So, am I supposed to just give him away? He's the only link I have left to my Mother and the life I had that was worth living for.

    I don't have anyone I can call a friend. I have 2 people on my facebook list that write about twice a month. No matter what or when I write to them on hotmail or facebook, I don't get any replies for sometimes a week or more. And then, it's all the negative crap. I don't write negative to them, I try to write in general about things going on and possible positive things that might be happening, now or soon. Then nothing for a while, then the negative sh*t. Meanwhile, you can see on people's facebook walls what they write to others and it's happy days and bowls of cherries. I feel like why try writing if things you talk about or questions you ask is going to be ignored.

    Forget about relationships with females. If you don't have looks and/or cash, then that's three strikes rolled into two. You're out. When I was in Louisiana, I worked for a company that sold videotapes wholesale, plus worked in video rental stores. So I have a huge collection of movies as I'm a movie fanatic. If I did hear from or see anyone visit, it was for the movies. Seemed like I was only good for what I could provide for them.

    It sucks trying to go on every day. Nothing to look forward to, and only a fantasy land in my mind with some good times in my past to relive in my memories. And the fantasy of things improving and to be able to go out and buy another life to exist in. If the miracle of me being able to buy another life doesn't come through soon, I will have to leave. No two ways about it. When I decide to go, I will HAVE to go. If the first try with the pills doesn't do it, I'll have to take some more and chase it with some anti freeze. One way or another, I will be gone.
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