Suicide or not suicide

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by essl, Apr 29, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. essl

    essl New Member

    I hope my English skills are good enough to explain myself.

    I'm thinking of committing suicide. Yeah yeah, I'm already hearing shouts, "don't do it", "life is worth living" and all that usual crap I saw in a million posts I read in past two days.
    It is not a cry for help. I don't need attention. I only need opinions. (and may be I need to write it down, to get a little further from where I'm stuck now).
    So please if you are a humanitarian who wishes good to all living things and especially to me - do not reply.

    So, here it is:
    I have a good life, I'm an (almost) successful programmer, I'm a partner in a start-up and a freelancer, I have money. And even when I don't I know I can earn enough for living only by working 2-3 hours a day.

    I'm looking good enough (didn't know that till recently :) ), I have no problems with the ladies, I'm getting enough looks on the street to get myself one.

    I have no medical problems (except smoking, but it's not a problem yet). I have OCD, but not that nasty kind (for now at least), almost doesn't bother me.

    I have nice family, didn't have any problems in childhood, I was pretty much independent and did whatever I liked that was inside my moral boundaries . We are not that close but I'm not that social anyway.

    I have some friends, not that close too, from the same reasons, that doesn't bother me too much too.

    And I have my wife... Had...
    What happened – my wife's mother died, cancer, she lived with us almost a year, and my wife was really attached to her. So in this time she was very stressed out (me too of course), and we drifted apart a little. We always had problems, but we fought for it, and succeeded in staying together for 7 years. We loved each other to craziness.
    We married 3 months ago, after almost 7 years that was pretty straight forward decision, and also that made her mother a little happier before she died. When she died, two months ago, my wife had trauma, and stopped feeling for me anything. I don't blame her, there is nothing to blame for. Shit happens.
    So we broke up.
    The problem is, that she is the only one for me. I know how it sounds, but it's true. There is no way I can find somebody that at least 1/10 of her, in my taste of course. I won't mention all her good/bad sides, she has plenty of them (no, she's not fat, personality sides + amazing body :) ). That's not important, I know there is many fish in the sea, but I am very choosy fisher. And she was very special, and that's not only my opinion, everyone who meets her thinks so.

    She left, and now I don't see anything to live for.
    I don't care for work.
    Family is better without seeing me suffering, it's better seeing me dead, I know I wouldn't want see my sister suffer this much.
    Friends will manage somehow.
    What's left is sex and other luxuries of life – don't care for that too, sex is nothing without love for me (may be for very short times it can be fun), and other women will be no good if all what I will think of is how are they comparing to my wife...
    I know it's a good idea to talk to somebody, but the only real friend I had I could talk to, was my wife.
    I don't want psychologists, I don't like them and I don't like brain washing (even minor) of any kind. And once again I'm not social, so I don't talk to people much, especially about personal stuff.

    The only reason I'm still here, is that I'm trying to find something to live for, and I can't find it. I gave myself a month (I'm trying to be reasonable). So, please, if you have any ideas for reasons to stick around please write.

    <Mod edit: Abacus21 - methods are not allowed here>
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 29, 2009
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    You say you only want opinions: I believe that given time, your good looks, job, could find another woman with great looks, personality and a bond that you'd be happy with.
  3. essl

    essl New Member

    Yes, usually it's true, but not in this case. She is one of a kind. And I'm not exhadurating.
    I WON'T find anyone like her.
  4. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Why do you need to find someone like her?

    If you spend all your time trying to recreate your wife in another woman you're not likely going to find happiness.

    If she has moved on and doesn't feel for you anymore there isn't much you can do other than move on too.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.