Hi all, This is my very first post here. I am 45 years now and during my life I have committed suicide 8 times. And each time I was saved against my will because I ended in the hospital oo:. Obviously family and friends were happy to have "saved" me but they simply do not understand that I wasn't looking for help, for their help, or for anyone's help. In fact their saving me this time - placed me in a horror story beyond imagination. What I did was <Mod Edit, WildCherry; Methods> about 30 minutes before a sceduled surgery. They had already sedated me and, than my heart stopped beating. They tried with electro shocks, and when it did not work, they shot an injection in my heart. Than my heart started beating again, and they continued with the surgery. When I woke up I was hurting and aching so much, that I would of screamed continuously but couldn't, because my heart and lung area were hurting so very much that I wasn't able to take a breath, and had to breath with very short breaths just to keep it bearable for 7 days or so. I am not going to talk about every single suicide that I attempted. What I came to understand from the fact that I am still among the living is that all of us have their destiny. And no suicide attempt will ever work if it goes against your destiny. But I am still trying to find out what the hell it is that I am supposed to do, so that I can be free and ready to depart. And while I am absolutely sure that I will be re-born, I can only hope that in my next life, I will not be this unhappy and depressed creature with the continuous headaches and migraines that I am coping with the most part of my life.