suicide over and over again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ugu56, Sep 14, 2009.

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  1. ugu56

    ugu56 New Member

    Hi all,

    This is my very first post here.
    I am 45 years now and during my life I have committed suicide 8 times.
    And each time I was saved against my will because I ended in the hospital :poo:.

    Obviously family and friends were happy to have "saved" me but they
    simply do not understand that I wasn't looking for help, for their help,
    or for anyone's help.

    In fact their saving me this time - placed me in a horror story beyond imagination. What I did was <Mod Edit, WildCherry; Methods> about 30
    minutes before a sceduled surgery.
    They had already sedated me and, than my heart stopped beating. They tried with electro shocks, and when it did not work, they shot an
    injection in my heart. Than my heart started beating again, and they continued with the surgery. When I woke up I was hurting and aching
    so much, that I would of screamed continuously but couldn't, because my heart and lung area
    were hurting so very much that I wasn't able to take a breath, and had to breath with very short breaths just to keep it bearable for 7 days or so.

    I am not going to talk about every single suicide that I attempted. What I came to understand from the fact that I am still among the living
    is that all of us have their destiny. And no suicide attempt will ever work if it goes against your destiny. But I am still trying to find out what
    the hell it is that I am supposed to do, so that I can be free and ready to depart.

    And while I am absolutely sure that I will be re-born, I can only hope that in my next life, I will not be this unhappy and depressed creature
    with the continuous headaches and migraines that I am coping with the most part of my life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 14, 2009
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I'm really sorry for what you've been through. I get migraines ... not on a daily basis, but too often. I know how horrible they are.

    I had to edit your post to remove the methods you mentioned; but I hope you find that part of your destiny is to live. I hope things get better for you, and that you'll stay here and talk.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Maybe your destiny is to help others that suffer through the same pain you are having. I hope you stay here as well to get strength from others who are in pain to get support from people who do understand.
  4. ugu56

    ugu56 New Member

    nice to meet you WildCherry and Violet,

    Destiny goes beyond living. The meaning of it is TO DO something,
    and I've been struggling until now to find out what it is exactly.

    I've been to various clairvoyants and it was remarcable that all
    of them told me the same thing - they received a mesasage from
    my guardian angel and he was saying that I had to go on until I had
    written and published a very important message...
    And I've been thinking and pondering, over and over again about
    what could be that important to write about and publish it.

    Besides I am not much of a writer, and what would be the point to
    publish something that will not be read by anyone, or maybe by
    just a few?
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hey ugu.

    I am sorry to hear you've been suffering so bad.

    Sounds like you at least have one foot in the right door. How cool that all these psychics have let you know the same thing. And maybe you were kept alive to communicate this message whatever it may be.

    Either way... glad you're alive and here with us :hug:
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