Suicide Pact

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by fromthatshow, Aug 3, 2008.

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  1. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Lately I've been looking for someone to go out with. I don't want to die alone. I want to go out with a really pretty girl. I joined this site There are a lot of hott girls there, some suicidal I think. I also posted on a couple of other sites that randomly had talks of suicide pact's. I got one message on MySpace but I don't know, the girl wasn't that pretty.
    I want my last day to be perfect, and then I won't wake up.

    Anyone else ever have one of these, or think about?
  2. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member


    I am really really sorry you are going through this.
    That last day is going to be perfect, regardless, and so is the next.
    Every day is beautiful and life is worth waking up.

    I know it's hard,
    But try to take the romance out of suicide.
    It's not romantic, & There's beauty to true love. A real friendship woudn't be like that, like a friendship is about looking after each-other...and there are such deep personal associations with love that we make...put them before death.

    And I care a lot about you,
    Please don't do this...I want to be your true friend.
  3. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I don't know if I can ever take the romance out of suicide. It seems to be the most romantic thing I could imagine.
    When I heard in that message, "I Will Die With You." It was like. I felt a little closer to complete. It is I will be with you forever. It is never being alone again.
  4. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Hey, I'm just going to be honest here, I think you've got some sort of issue with suicide ideation. Like you've got this kind of romantic, beautiful notion. Suicide is an extremely grim and desperate act.
    I'm sorry, I know this isn't what you asked for, I just wanted to say it.
  5. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I don't feel safe in the world. I told my therapist how I imagined my perfect day and I died at the end of it. Death = safe it almost feels like, because I have no other safe place.
    I think it could be beautiful though. With the right person. In each other's arms. Crying. Everything fading away.
    I know I have issues with suicide ideation, but in spite of all the horrible pictures I've seen of how it can end up, it still plays out like a movie in my head. With beautiful music playing in the background and everything. God, darkness, wherever I came from, welcoming me home.
  6. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    I know how it is. When I am sometimes feeling intensely absent or feeling sick, I fantasize about that perfect moment of letting go. I think of the funeral, the happiness, embracing the life after if there was...and if I think about it hard seems peaceful, but also it hurts. It seems like life is one big test, always testing us, but there is no real failure in my mind.
    I think there is still joy, and success...and the success of not being suicidal, and coming over that hill, or that place that makes you feel this way.

    Think of all the opportunities you will have in life.
  7. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    I agree, no one should tell you it's wrong to fantasize. But there's a point where the fantasy becomes the reality, it creates a whole new you...and although you think you can lose yourself, you really need to just loosen up.
    Life isn't all that bad, and death is not the final answer...or end.
    There's more to life and there's more to death.

    Hang in there~ Please.
  8. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    There is absolutely nothing romantic about suicide. And in my opinion, suicide pacts are very unethical, because you are feeding into another person's desire to end their life.

    Cut the drama and realize that suicide is a messy affair. You will most likely survive and wake up with 10x the problems you previously had. If you die, it will be painful and messy. You will probably lose all control of your bladder and bowels and possibly your stomach, leaving yourself to be found in a pool of vomit, urine and feces.

    Sound romantic?
  9. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I don't feel like a failure.
    That's not it.
    It's kind of funny. I'm scared of dying. I've lived with pain my whole life, and to give up the pain, is to die. To completely loose my old self.
    I'd rather die than "die." It's scary.

    Anyway, I have been looking. Maybe I'll find the right person. Keeping my options open. If I did decide to leave it would be with someone else.

    And.. it will not necessarily be painful. That would be one thing I would definitely make sure to avoid as much as possible.
  10. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    You need to get some help for this, talking to your therapist is good. I really hope you realise that life can be beautiful as well. I think people who really love eachother and hold hands on the street are beautiful. Or sunsets or art or music that makes your spine tingle. Or just when someone you love reaches over and touches your face. Sorry that was cheesy as hell. Yeah lol. But depending on how you die, your body's going to be all mesed up or you might go through terrible pain. And then your family will have to identify you and live with that darkness hanging over them for the rest of their lives. Why can't you live like it's your last day every day? You really seem like a person who could do that.
  11. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I have tried to do that. I've spent nights with my friends. Apologized to people. I've lived for the moment, for the day. Then I wake up, and there's nothing. It's like I woke up in a movie after the credits were done rolling. There's nothing left. Movie's over, what am I still doing here?
  12. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    Why does the girl you want to die with have to be 'hottt.' To me, it sounds like you turn this women into objects- to fuck psychologically or physically (need to be 'hottt' right?) and kill. The importance you place on this girl's looks sounds like a way to escape the harsh reality that death is death, dying is messy, suicide is difficult and involves a lot of thinking to do it right- that if this goes wrong, not only are you risking the life of a complete stranger on the internet who might end up with organ damage and on life support, but you might hold all that responsibility all your life if your attempt fails or goes wrong too.

    Wake up. Real life isn't the internet. Real life is very very unpleasant where things go horribly wrong and involve girls with horrific histories who will come to you out of sheer self destruction. If you do this, you are risking psychologically hurting another woman- and physically encouraging her to die with you for your own reasons because you are 'scared to die alone.' Don't you think this is selfish?

    How can you think you have the right to help another die just because you're scared to die alone? You don't know anything about this potential girl.

    Look at what you're fantasising about and think. This will involve another human being. Other people aren't there for you to use so you can not die alone.

    Suicide isn't pretty. Life isn't a movie. Life is not a movie, a video game.

    When she cries, all her make up will rub off, she'll look shit. When you're about to die, you will look at each other with such terror in your eyes you have no idea. And when you attempt you will not know if the other survives, is permenantly damaged or will have the other's blood on their hands for the rest of their life.

    Yeah, this post is harsh. Life is harsh and full of unpleasant realities that aren't a movie played out with pretty soundtracks and credits rolling...
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 3, 2008
  13. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    That just sounds like depression, that emptiness. Why don't you just hold out for a little longer, try and get better, don't forget that depression is an illness which can be recovered from. Just try for a while longer. I'm really sorry you feel this way.
  14. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    This is dramatic..... :laugh:

    I have thought of suicide pacts in the past and I have attempted locating people, but it has never really worked out. Either people live too far away or I can't get there without being noticed. To be honest I would die with anyone as long as they had a good plan. I don't want to get started and end up failing because I placed to much trust in some stranger. I just want someone I can trust.... someone that knows what they're doing and has plans.
  15. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I know that I use women. I use them for protection from the world and my own responsibility. I don't generally even hang out with guys, unless I'm playing music with them. I feel like the only words I've ever wanted to hear out of my ex-girlfriends are "I will die with you." Never realized it until I got that message on MySpace. There will be terror maybe but at least we won't be alone :(
  16. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    I think to me, the guilt of pushing someone else further over the edge would be too much weight or a burden to hold on me.
  17. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I do hear you. I am hearing you.

    You know you use women.


    Now read my post and think about this woman. This woman has a life that is not yours.

    You need to take responsibility for your life fromthatshow. You are alone. Everyone is alone. If you die with another, you might be looking for some kind of other like your mother, to merge with but believe it or not, when you're under a lot of stress to do something right- in this case, taking your life and another's, you most probably will feel just that, alone, terrifyingly alone.

    I encourage you to talk about these thoughts with a counsellor because I'm worried. Not for only you, but you're at risk of hurting another person here...
  18. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I do have a counselor. That is exactly what I wish for. Some kind of merge :(.
    I wouldn't be taking her life. I am not planning on convincing some vulnerable girl. It would obviously be a mutual desire.
  19. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    I'm a bit surprised this thread passes muster with the terms of service. :unsure:

    I'm not reporting it, and if it is acceptable I'll file that away for future reference.

    Anyway, I personally consider suicide pacts another variant on "suicide by cop" or getting hit by a train or truck. By going this route you're using somebody else to help you go, when you cannot be sure of their actual motivations or state of mind as they do it. Seems like dirty pool to me, since the only person who's motivation you're able to discern to any real degree is your own.

    Weird that I don't feel I can say any more, given that it sure looks to me like FTS is advertising here on this site for some female to form a pact with.
  20. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    I didn't mean for it to be that. I just wanted to talk about it somewhere. That I had been considering it.
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