Suicide Scherzo

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Suicide Scherzo, Jul 12, 2010.

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  1. Believe it or not I read the site guidelines, and even though what I am about to type i'm sure will sound like a suicide note, it's not, but who knows. Not me, I don't know a goddamn thing at all!

    A scherzo is a piece of music, often a movement from a larger piece such as a symphony or a sonata. The word "scherzo" means "joke" in Italian.

    That seams about right to me. Thoughts of suicide grip many of us, and they go, and our life (the main piece of music) goes on. However my scherzo has no end. And it's a joke.

    I have been crying off and on for a few hours now in front of my computer. I really have no clue what the hell I'm doing right now.

    I have had more than enough. I cannot keep going on like this. I'm a good person. But I have done so many things, and so many things have been done to me. And my life has been turned into a Frankenstein Monster by me and by forces I could not (seamingly?) control.

    Everything in my life seams so enchancted, events intertwine with what I am doing with such serendipity. I seam to be some magical being yet cursed. I have (seriously) psychic abilities. They are totally worthless, I watch a movie I own for no reason like 8 times in a row, and a few days later the main actor in it dies (this has happened numerous times), I pick random numbers correct at useless times, I say something for no reason and a person near me tells me that they were just thinking of that thought. SOOOO many random things like that, all magical, yet ultimately out of my control and meaningless (since I have no control or channeling power to ever summon it, it just occurs every now and then).

    I don't know what the fuck I am. Everything just seams to happen, I am an observer with little power to influence anything, just tune in. I cannot get out of this terrible trench I have dug (and that has been dug for me?). When one has things to live for or possibly reclaim, I can see going on. But not when one has nothing, and I have nothing.

    Nothing.

    Life is truly wonderous, and also the most viscious thing ever devised.

    I cannot even imagine responding to this letter (or if I will even be here to read it), but wow. What shit I have wrote (all true).

    Sweet Jesus. What the fuck is going on.


    I cannot, there is nothing, no going on. It has to end, I mean what the fuck can be done, can you even do. I mean who ARE YOU, I don't even know you.

    This makes.......... NO SENSE!!!!! I truly want to have my fucking head blown off right now.

    The only thing stopping me right this instance is my worthless psychic powers. I mean human minds are just transmitters (like a radio) so it makes sense some can receive thoughts, waves, impulses. But I don't know for certain that's all it is. If I die could DEATH somehow be worse than this life. I cannot imagine it would be, nothing could be. But I just don't know. That's is really the only thing stopping me right this second.

    I'm having a psychic thought right now ***this confession is meaningless*****


    Yours truly,
    Please send a cyanide laced sugar cube
     
  2. Robin

    Robin Guest

  3. mandyj101

    mandyj101 Well-Known Member

    Hi there..

    Firstly welcome to SF..
    To me.. your post doesnt sound like a suicide note.. and it doesnt sound meaningless either.. im glad you found us here.. and were able to post :hug:
    Have you told anyone else about how your feeling right now? Sometimes helps if we talk in person.. as well as on here.. Could you call a crisis line..A friend or family member you trust?
    I know we dont know each other.. but i really do hope you get through this..
    There are lots of people on this site who have been/ or are going through what you are right now.. and trying to find meaning and purpose in their lives..

    Take care x

     

  4. Thank you...
     
  5. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    I'm someone that cares. I'm someone that hopes that's not a suicide note. Unfortunately, I'm also someone that doesn't know what else to say right now. What you said makes sense to me, though.
     
  6. Nothing makes sense to me.
     
  7. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Hi,

    If you have gifts why not train them and use them to help people. You may be a very specail person and sometimes life is tough for people like that. But the reward can be amazing if you work and realize your potential. STAY HERE AND LET US HELP AND BE YOUR FRIENDS. I am praying for you!!!!

    Marty
     
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Scherzo. I believe that humans are capable of having psychic abilities, but the majority of us aren't in tune with them. Certain people (like you) are in tune with your spiritual abilities and are able to receive information from the devine source (God). It sucks though, because you cannot use these powers for material gain (like winning the lottery), as this just isn't allowed by nature.

    I have been trying to become more in-tune with my spiritual side, but I haven't been very successful. You seem to be having many 'synchronicities' at random times, which is a good indication that your psychic abilities are getting stronger. Why not stick around some more and see if you can gain better control over your spiritual gifts? :hug:
     
  9. Thank you Marty, but I really don't think I can go on much longer.

    To top it all off, every dream I have nowadays is a nightmare.

    There is no sanctuary.
     
  10. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    There is always a way out. I promise. You just need to have faith and try again. Get help in as many different ways as possible. Have you tried EVERYTHING? EMDR, Tapping, Meds, Grup therapy, 12 step programs. Individual therapy of all schools. YOu have to try everything!!!! PLEASE . We are here for you and will offer love and support!!!! TRY Everything!!!! Maybe even meatphysical apporaches past life regression and other forms of therapy. Exhuast everything.
     
  11. Exhaust everything, lol. Everything in my life right now (what little there is) is definately exhausted.

    To top all the normal crap off, my really good friend of 5 years just recently stopped talking with me for no reason (that I am aware of). And since they refuse to talk to me there is no way I can find anything out.

    And this is not the first time this has happened, it's like I have the plague or something.

    So many time my heart has been just ripped out and torn apart.

    No one said life is fair, and it is not, but there is such a thing as too unfair and just too much. I think I am finally at that point and I just cannot come back.

    I still haven't decided to kill myself, but I can see no point in going on.

    no point....
     
  12. Helping

    Helping New Member

    How old are you?
     
  13. This post, would indicate...

    that I am still alive....

    But in that assumption...

    you would be...

    mistaken.....

    Everyone, everything, is meaningless.....

    and in that utter desolation...

    is the magic of eternity......

    but even that is truly worthless.....

    I hate every single one of you and myself so much....

    and with that comes the deepest love.....

    I will be erased from exsistence and memory...

    But I will live on......................
     
  14. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Let the love win.
     
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