Believe it or not I read the site guidelines, and even though what I am about to type i'm sure will sound like a suicide note, it's not, but who knows. Not me, I don't know a goddamn thing at all!
A scherzo is a piece of music, often a movement from a larger piece such as a symphony or a sonata. The word "scherzo" means "joke" in Italian.
That seams about right to me. Thoughts of suicide grip many of us, and they go, and our life (the main piece of music) goes on. However my scherzo has no end. And it's a joke.
I have been crying off and on for a few hours now in front of my computer. I really have no clue what the hell I'm doing right now.
I have had more than enough. I cannot keep going on like this. I'm a good person. But I have done so many things, and so many things have been done to me. And my life has been turned into a Frankenstein Monster by me and by forces I could not (seamingly?) control.
Everything in my life seams so enchancted, events intertwine with what I am doing with such serendipity. I seam to be some magical being yet cursed. I have (seriously) psychic abilities. They are totally worthless, I watch a movie I own for no reason like 8 times in a row, and a few days later the main actor in it dies (this has happened numerous times), I pick random numbers correct at useless times, I say something for no reason and a person near me tells me that they were just thinking of that thought. SOOOO many random things like that, all magical, yet ultimately out of my control and meaningless (since I have no control or channeling power to ever summon it, it just occurs every now and then).
I don't know what the fuck I am. Everything just seams to happen, I am an observer with little power to influence anything, just tune in. I cannot get out of this terrible trench I have dug (and that has been dug for me?). When one has things to live for or possibly reclaim, I can see going on. But not when one has nothing, and I have nothing.
Nothing.
Life is truly wonderous, and also the most viscious thing ever devised.
I cannot even imagine responding to this letter (or if I will even be here to read it), but wow. What shit I have wrote (all true).
Sweet Jesus. What the fuck is going on.
I cannot, there is nothing, no going on. It has to end, I mean what the fuck can be done, can you even do. I mean who ARE YOU, I don't even know you.
This makes.......... NO SENSE!!!!! I truly want to have my fucking head blown off right now.
The only thing stopping me right this instance is my worthless psychic powers. I mean human minds are just transmitters (like a radio) so it makes sense some can receive thoughts, waves, impulses. But I don't know for certain that's all it is. If I die could DEATH somehow be worse than this life. I cannot imagine it would be, nothing could be. But I just don't know. That's is really the only thing stopping me right this second.
I'm having a psychic thought right now ***this confession is meaningless*****
Yours truly,
Please send a cyanide laced sugar cube
A scherzo is a piece of music, often a movement from a larger piece such as a symphony or a sonata. The word "scherzo" means "joke" in Italian.
That seams about right to me. Thoughts of suicide grip many of us, and they go, and our life (the main piece of music) goes on. However my scherzo has no end. And it's a joke.
I have been crying off and on for a few hours now in front of my computer. I really have no clue what the hell I'm doing right now.
I have had more than enough. I cannot keep going on like this. I'm a good person. But I have done so many things, and so many things have been done to me. And my life has been turned into a Frankenstein Monster by me and by forces I could not (seamingly?) control.
Everything in my life seams so enchancted, events intertwine with what I am doing with such serendipity. I seam to be some magical being yet cursed. I have (seriously) psychic abilities. They are totally worthless, I watch a movie I own for no reason like 8 times in a row, and a few days later the main actor in it dies (this has happened numerous times), I pick random numbers correct at useless times, I say something for no reason and a person near me tells me that they were just thinking of that thought. SOOOO many random things like that, all magical, yet ultimately out of my control and meaningless (since I have no control or channeling power to ever summon it, it just occurs every now and then).
I don't know what the fuck I am. Everything just seams to happen, I am an observer with little power to influence anything, just tune in. I cannot get out of this terrible trench I have dug (and that has been dug for me?). When one has things to live for or possibly reclaim, I can see going on. But not when one has nothing, and I have nothing.
Nothing.
Life is truly wonderous, and also the most viscious thing ever devised.
I cannot even imagine responding to this letter (or if I will even be here to read it), but wow. What shit I have wrote (all true).
Sweet Jesus. What the fuck is going on.
I cannot, there is nothing, no going on. It has to end, I mean what the fuck can be done, can you even do. I mean who ARE YOU, I don't even know you.
This makes.......... NO SENSE!!!!! I truly want to have my fucking head blown off right now.
The only thing stopping me right this instance is my worthless psychic powers. I mean human minds are just transmitters (like a radio) so it makes sense some can receive thoughts, waves, impulses. But I don't know for certain that's all it is. If I die could DEATH somehow be worse than this life. I cannot imagine it would be, nothing could be. But I just don't know. That's is really the only thing stopping me right this second.
I'm having a psychic thought right now ***this confession is meaningless*****
Yours truly,
Please send a cyanide laced sugar cube