suicide seems logical...I'm done

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by joetomasulo, Jun 21, 2014.

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  1. joetomasulo

    joetomasulo Member

    I've read all I could find on the "afterlife" and souls who 'self cross over' (that's a better why of saying 'suicide) and, from what I've read, they're not really treated any different from any other soul. there'll be a life's review and then we get on with the afterlife stuff. I had to post here, who else can I tell this to? <Mod Edit: Petal: Method>, because, I feel I'm done and there's not only no reason to stay alive but also no means to stay alive. I'm 55 years old, for the last few years life has been steadily going down-hill. There's no jobs, I got laid off from my career almost 4 years ago, there's no income, California is the worst place to find a job, I've been homeless, couch surfing, begging strangers to let me stay in their house for a night, staying in places rats wouldn't even go in. I've been alone most of my life. When I see a couple holding hands I burst into tears because all's I ever wanted was to be a good guy to a good woman, well that ain't gonna happen. it's like the Universe is telling me I must experience suicide for this incarnation. so, I'm trying to make sense, please bare with me, so I think ending it all is better than starving to death in the streets. I'm currently some one's room mate, I can't pay rent with no income and a few dollars to my name I can count the days I have left. I will NOT live in the streets. there's no one in my life to say good bye to, only to YOU if you're reading this. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm beyond hope, praying, crying, yelling at God, ya know,, and the only logical next thing to do is to put an end to this existence. Sure, I'd rather have a good life, but that ain't gonna happen either, so, here we are, huh?
    thank you.. had to share
    Joe...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 21, 2014
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Joe.

    Appreciate life is currently tough for you. Please do not do anything now but please speak to someone. Phone someone. You are not alone my dear friend. Life can be cruel but trust me you are not alone tonight. We are all here for you to support you. You are NOT alone. I might be stranger but you just need to keep posting your feelings. It took a lot of courage to post here. Trust me, you can survive whatever you currently feeling. Please just go for a walk, feel the fresh air. Do not sit on your own as it does NOT help you. We are here for you. Overthinking does you no good...

    Keep posting my dear friend.. I might be miles away but you are NOT alone... Take care my friend..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 21, 2014
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there Joe, I do not live in the USA so I have no clue how the social housing or welfare system works there but I can tell you this, suicide is not the answer, you say you have a roommate, so.. isn't he/she someone that cares enough about you to let you stay there? You say what you are thinking is logical but I don't believe in rational suicide. I work as a volunteer, I am living at home, I am 25, don't drive. I know you have it much worse than I do but I do believe you can get through this. Perhaps keep and keep searching for a job using your roommates address (which is legal of course, as you're staying there) and obviously you have access to the internet which is great...I would like to hear more about how social welfare/assistance works in california as i do not have a clue.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 21, 2014
  4. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Keep posting Joe..
     
  5. joetomasulo

    joetomasulo Member

    thank you Petal. the welfare system in California don't offer a lot for a white, 55 y/o man. I know suicide is not rational, but I just can't stop thinking about it. it's what happens when one is completely hopeless. and my room mate don't care about me personally, he just wants the rent money.
    thank you for asking.
    Joe...
     
  6. joetomasulo

    joetomasulo Member

    I don't want to die. but trying to continue to live seems futile.
     
  7. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    No Joe, we are here for you... There is a purpose in living as you a deserving human being, you are NOT alone my dear friend...
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Thanks for answering :) How long is he going to allow you to stay there? Do you have your own room or sleep on the couch?

    You do not have to fight this battle alone and it does not have to be a losing battle.
     
  9. joetomasulo

    joetomasulo Member

    well, rent is due July 1st and I don't have it. yes, I have my own room. all's I need is an income, ya know, a job, but no one will hire an old dude like me, even if there was any jobs to be had. ya know, I can't believe I'm in this situation, it's like so un-real
     
  10. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You should not worry... You are a deserving person, is there anywhere else you can go...?? Do not feel alone my dear friend... Cannot you seek from a charity organisation .?
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I was just thinking the same incrisis99, there must be some charity based organisation able to assist, have you searched everywhere..the net?
     
  12. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi Joe, am sorry that life is so hard for you - it is not right in a civilised society for suicide to be the logical option, and you do not want to die, you want and deserve for things to be better for you. There must be some sort of provision in California regarding a night shelter and means for people to get back on their feet in these situations? We will bare/bear with you Joe, please know that people at SF are here to listen to your story and help you any way we can. A massive infusion of hope is sent to you via cyberspace and screen :) We know that life can be unfair and unkind, and we are finding ways to integrate by telling ourselves we can do this.

    As far as your first sentence is, concerning the afterlife, no one living can absolutely say for sure how it will be for another soul. There have been people who have had after death experiences and have come back to tell & publish their story, if you're interested I could post the details. Both of them met 'the intelligent Presence' (higher power), and there is nothing in all of Scripture which says that suicides consequently and automatically have no hope - that I believe is uncompassionate man-made assuming church tradition. You are in our thoughts and prayers Joe, Blessings and strength, YRP
     
  13. joetomasulo

    joetomasulo Member

    I'm sorry to sound so stupid, but "alone" is all I've ever felt. and no, there's no charity that will help a middle age white male. if I was an illegal immigrant or black or Hispanic there's be no end to the charity flow, but I just don't rate
     
  14. joetomasulo

    joetomasulo Member

    I hate feeling like this. I don't want to die. I'm just....lost.... I can't tell you how much I appreciate your kindness. that's the most love, and hope, I've felt in a long time. thank you.... really.. thank you..
     
  15. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Joe, you are welcome. DO NOT FEEL ALONE, you are a deserving person who needs the kindness like others need. You just need to keep posting here. We are here for you. So keep posting. Trust me it helps others reading your post that people from different walks of life can help each other.. Best kind of human love and kindness.

    YOU just need to believe us...
     
  16. joetomasulo

    joetomasulo Member

    I believe you, really, but I still can't pay the rent and no one wants to hire me. well, I was hoping to have sex at least one more time before I die. I don't know where that came from but you said I could post my feelings, so I did.. thank you
     
  17. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Keep posting my friend... The sex bit ... Funny gave me a big chuckle and big smile... Trust me, I would not want to get banned. I'm sure sex discussions are not allowed as a forum buddy..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 21, 2014
  18. Buster82

    Buster82 New Member

    HI JOE! do you have friends or family in another state? do you have drug or alcohol problems? Im not sure what is offered where you are, but I know here where I live they have halfway houses, that help you with your problems, help you find work, and get an apartment that you can afford. A friend of mine was jobless, and he was a major drinker and smoked pot all the time, he was arrested for DUI and sent to jail for a short period, and was released to a halfway house that kept a roof over his head and food in his stomach. They helped him find work, and after a few months in the halfway house, they found him an apartment that HE could afford, I think he was paying less than 100 per month! I dont know if this info helps but just wanted you to know they DO exist. Never lose hope, this is YOUR life, you gotta fight to get out of the rut you are in. believe in yourself, I know all of us here believe in you! you are 55, you made it this far! keep posting joe!
     
  19. joetomasulo

    joetomasulo Member

    just saying...
     
  20. joetomasulo

    joetomasulo Member

    thank you Buster. I'll check into it, but I'm not very hopefull
     
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