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Suicide soon

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Talia862, Sep 7, 2016.

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  1. Talia862

    Talia862 Well-Known Member

    I have been planning a suicide. I don't have the thing I'm thinking of using to kill myself right now, but will get it in the next couple of days. I was working on a long term project, and I sent all my notes to my boss. I told him I wanted him to back them up. But I really wanted somoeone else to have them in case someone wanted to complete my research after I die.

    I also spent a lot of money on an expensive seafood dinner and also an expensive dinner for tomorrow and Italina patries. I figured I might as well spend all my money because I won't need it. I wanted to enjoy the last few days of my life as much as possible.

    I have incredible, excruciating physical pain. I am not really depresed, but the physical pain is so bad I have barely slept in four nights.

    The only worry is my friends. I have friends who love me. Will they be hurt? I mean, I konw they will be- but they will go on and forget about me, right? They will be sorry for a little while, then they will get over it. They will be fine in a few months and live will go on. Is that true? I don't want to hurt them, but I'm only one unmportant person and their lives will go on.
  2. Talia862

    Talia862 Well-Known Member

    The thing is, I"m starting to have second thoughts.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Talia, please reach out and get some professional help. Of course your friends would be hurt if you went through with it, it would devastate them. Are you able to talk to any of them about how you are feeling? Life does go on but the pain and feelings of guilt will always be there.

    Can you tell us more about your physical issues? What is causing so much pain? Have you been diagnosed with something?

    I wish you well and if you ever need to talk please just send me a message, we do care here even about strangers, we care about anyone that is hurting.

    Tell us more about your situation and why you think suicide is the best solution, I assure you that it most definitely is not.
  4. outlander

    outlander Banned Member

    Hi Talia

    Have you asked a doctor for main medication? There are some excellent ones which might help.
    Mel2 likes this.
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Please stay with us. We can help YOU. Life is important and that also means YOU. Keep Talking.
  6. Talia862

    Talia862 Well-Known Member

    Well, I haven't done it yet, even though I have the method sitting in my kitchen. I am considering it. I feel alone, and that no one cares. I talked about suicide, then left social media, and no one has reached out to me. I don't think anyone even notices I'm gone.

    To answer some questions, I have Rheumatoid arthritis, a painful degenerative disease where your immune system attacks your joints. I'ts very painful and makes me tired and weak. I have only had it for about 6 years but already I walk witha walker and someetimes have to use a wheelchair. I dont' know what Ill be like ten years from now, maybe I'll need someone to feed me. It's awful living with that hanging over your head. The reason for the extreme pain was a cyst burst in my leg, its a little better now. But I'm still in pain.

    I am taking medication for pain but it only helps so much. I do have a referral to pain management doctor, so that may be a ray of hope, if I can make the appointment. Maybe he/she will find a way to help me.

    I have to say though that I just want to give up. Suicide is against what I believe in, the sacredness of human life. I feel like a hypocrite for wanting to do it. But I just want peace ,and eternal end to the pain both physical and mental. I also have OCD and bipolar disorder.

    I am so tempted. It's really hard. I don't know how I'm even holding off. Please write.
  7. Mel2

    Mel2 New Member

    Hi Talia. I just joined. This is my first post. I know very little about the site so far. Haven't read the welcome or any articles.

    I am really sorry you are feeling this way. I can so relate to physical problems making our mental health challenges worse. Please don't leave us.
  8. Talia862

    Talia862 Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Mel. It is nice of you to say that. I hope your physical problems improve.
  9. IamTetsuo

    IamTetsuo Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear that you are dealing with so much pain at the moment, I can't imagine what it's like to live with physical pain, it must be very difficult. I just wanted to say that RA is heavily linked to diet and lifestyle. I expect that you've looked into it, but there is a thing called 'The Anti Inflammatory' diet which is beneficial for everyone to follow but especially for RA sufferers. The most important thing is to cut out processed foods (sugar, bread, biscuits, cereals etc) as these are inflammatory foods, here is a link but there is so much info about this


    Also the immune system is linked to stress so any relaxation methods will be beneficial (meditation, yoga, spending time in nature).


    Just some thoughts, I hope things improve for you.
  10. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    I'm sorry to hear that you're in pain daily and that it's physical.

    And your friends will miss you and they'll always remember you. Yes, life goes on, but they'll still remember you even after their grieving process.
    I hope it doesn't sound like I mean it in a bad way, but I know how it is to feel like "If they'll be sad, it'll just be for a short period and they'll forget me and live on", but people will miss you, always remember you.
    So you might feel and think you are unimportant, but you aren't. You are loved and people care.
    So try and talk with your friends about how you feel.
  11. Talia862

    Talia862 Well-Known Member

    Thanks. Even though I do deal with physical pain on a daily basis the really bad pain I was experiencing turned out to be temporary. I had a cyst burst in my leg. I am still real depressed but didn't take the pills. I am now trying to live.
  12. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Sorry to hear you're still really depressed. Are you taking your pills now or?
    And I'm really glad to hear you want to live.
  13. Talia862

    Talia862 Well-Known Member

    Oh- I'm sorry. Let me clarify.I found out I missed a few pych meds because I was so depressed and in so much pain. I forgot to mention that. That is what I was talking about. I also am taking painkillers for the chronic pain and its been better. I did not attempt suicide like I planned to. Even when I had the means, I struggled with the temptation, but chose not to. I am still down, and struggling, but I'm leaning on friends who care and trying to feel better. I actually wrote two articles for work today which is a very productive day,and is good because I did no work last week (my boss was understanding when I told him I couldn't due to the pain and depression. My boss is really good about that when I have a hard time and can't work he is always understanding, he knows I have a mental illness and a physical one too. I'm grateful to have a boss who is so nice about it) I also talked to one of my best friends today,who was really kind and supportive.

    So even though I still feel real down, things are a little better. I'm talking to my counselor tomorrow. I still feel crummy but at least I can say I did some work today, and I hope tomorrow is a better day. Hoping I feel better soon once I get back on track with the medicine (BTW, I have bipolar disorder and OCD) I wish I felt less depressed now, but I know it takes a while.
  14. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    Aw, I'm glad to hear that. And it's nice to hear that your boss is understanding. That you have your friends to lean on.

    Aw, but well it's all good to hear, at least in the way that it is better.
    And I too have OCD, so.
    Hope tomorrow is a good day, if not better too :)
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