Suicide thoughts, anorexy

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by luso, May 25, 2008.

  1. luso

    luso Active Member

    I´m writting here because I don´t know what to do... I´m completely lost and I can´t see the light in the end of the tunnel.
    My girlfriend has nervous anorexy, I´m trying to help her, but she always say´s she´+s going to get better and there is no need to tell her mother and make her go to a shrink... She´s getting thinner, and she still hates her body, she hates herself. Sometimes she just wants to mutilate herself. Right now she has suicide thoughts, she es thinking in taking pills, calming pills,don´t know how to write it..she is thinking in taking many, i dont know if she still thinks in doing that....

    She also thinks I don´t love her, she says I´m obsessed with her, and that herts a lot, to me and to her....

    Can you please give me some advices? I just don´t know what to do anymore:sad:
  2. Choma

    Choma Member

    Be stronger. Tell her you are really worried about her and you feel she has developed a jaded perception due to her illness, and that in fact she is in real trouble and she needs to let you find her help. You two can seek help together without involving her mother if that prospect really upsets her.
    Don't worry about her thinking you don't love her. If you really love her, just help her.
  3. luso

    luso Active Member

    Thanks a lot...I´ll do my best to make her go to some kind of doctor so she can get better..
    If nothing I tell her makes her come with me to a doctor do you think I should just talk to her mother so she´ll really has to go to a doctor without a choice?
  4. Depends if you want her to get better or to trust you.

    That sounds horrible. But I found this too when a close friend was diagnosed with anorexia. As much as I could joke and help trying to encourage her to eat when she was with me/us, it never worked because at home she would just stop eating. What seemed to work in the end was counseling. But it's important to remember that anorexics see counselors, doctors, anyone like that, as enemies. They are people who seem to want to make them fatter, their bodies worse. However, as you know sometimes they are necessary.

    If you tell and cause her to have to go, then she might stop trusting you. You have 'betrayed' her in some way. If, however, you hold out then... well, you know. At least she will trust you?

    If you make her get help, and it works, then she will look back and thank you. If you can live with the fact she might lose trust in you for... well, a long time, then I would probably recommend this. And you will have done something. Which is better than nothing.

    Good luck, you have my thoughts :smile:
  5. luso

    luso Active Member

    Thank you for your opinion... its really good to have someone to talk about this, without being her..

    Honestly? this is a real hard situation... Wanna know a "funny" thing? my best friend has bulimia!and has already been in a hospital being taken care because of that...he´s trying to recover.. You know, I just have panic my girlfriend ever gets to the same situation he is!:sad:

    I´m and always be right by her side trying to "save" her..but I already told her that if she ever gets worse I´ll tell her mother and make her look for help. I hope that day never arrives, because that will mean she recovered. I´m always trying to make her feel good about her body, and make her realise that her feelings about she being fat are only on her "sick mind"...

    oh, one thing I forgot to mention... She used to be abused by a guy, he liked to touch her without her letting... that used to happen before we get toghether...
  6. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    I'd go straight for that and deal with that. She is saying something huge there. She's actually telling you some of the problem.

    If she thinks you're 'obsessed' with her rather than love, perhaps it has to do with that abusive guy you mention? Maybe you're bringing up a lot of memories?

    I'd also get in touch with a psychiatrist or at least a medical doctor to keep an eye on her physical health at least, even if she's not willing to do therapy at the moment. If you feel her mental health is declining- self harm-suicide- I'd contact psychiatrists soon.....

    You can only do so much for her.

    You can't save her. Her eating again will NOT make her recovered. She's dealing with PTSD trauma with that abusive guy and sounds like she's in a lot of pain.

    She does not have a sick mind. Please don't tell that to her. That will just reinforce self loathing. She's coping with a lot, perhaps a lot of abuse and memories. Her body and food isn't the issue. She's told you the issue, it's about love and about the relationship she's having with you and about people.

    Threatening treatment for anorexia again isn't the answer. Especially when you don't know the relationship she has with her mother which could contribute to her eating problems at this moment and make her feel very trapped. Why don't you just go straight to mental health services and have a chat with them as to what you could do? Or open up the communication with your GF, talk about feelings, abuse, love, your relationship and gently say that you'll come with her to appointments, they won't make her fat they will just monitor her physical health, her care will be in her own hands, she won't feel out of control. Things like that.

    Seeing as her mental health is deterioating anyway- suicidal thoughts- I'd get into contact with psychiatrists sooner rather than later.
  7. luso

    luso Active Member

    She´s afraid oh fhisical contact... because of what happened in the past.. Maybe evertime i touch her, she feels bad, I don´t know anymore what I shoud or shoudn´t do..
    Should I tell someone of her famaly that she trust to help me in this situation?
    Should I talk with her mother so we can find her help?
    Should I just try to make her feel good?How??

    I just don´t know anymore...It´s taking me and her to the limit, and I´m afraid, something happens in a close future, like she kills herself with pills, and I kill myself when I know what she has done to her self...
    Right know, I´m in my limits. My depression is coming back again, and i`m close to the end of the black hole.
  8. Choma

    Choma Member

    I completely agree gg456. Her past abuse is most likely the source of all this. You should speak to a professional. Tell him/her *everything*.
  9. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    if she really is at rock bottom now, like you mention the only option then is to go ahead and contact emergency services and psychiatrists now.
  10. luso

    luso Active Member

    Do you think that her talking with a friend of mine that has anorexy/bulimy can help her recovering from her anorexy/bulimy?

    Right now, she eats less than 800cal for day, and sometimes she has a compulsion and she eats everything she cans in half an hour and then she she goes to the bathroon and she vomits it all... She even writes a list of everything she eats in that half an hour, so she knows when to stop vomiting... she crosses out of the list what she has already vomited...

    Her diet is green stuff(vegetables and that kind of stuff, fruits) and cooked/grilled meat and fish.

    Oh and thank you all for all the answers...I´m really touched for having someone helping me to know what to do. I´m lost, but with your help I think I´m having less trouble to find a way out for her...
  11. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    From my experience, if her friend is in the midst of an eating disorder themselves, they might not be the best people to be around to help her. It depends on what she wants....personally, I wouldn't get her in contact with someone who has an eating disorder under the assumption they'd make her recover or help her, as they might just help maintain/perpetuate her current feelings and behaviours.

    I'd go for professionals, at least a physical medical doctor to keep an eye on her, at the very least. And a mental health professional too for her mental health- suicidal feelings etc.