I can't sleep. It's amost 5 am, and I've been up since 3. I just grabbed about an hour of sleep before. I have a lot on my mind. I tried suicide in May. <mod edit: resistance - methods> Ended up in the hospital when I told my clinician about it. (i was going to group therapy that was totally useless at the time- I told the group leader about the attempt) I went in voluntarily to the pcych unit but then made a suicide attempt on the unit and got caught (< mod edit-methods> they found me, I was barely concious at that point.) But anyway, they sent me up to the committed floor, and that was scary. There were chairs bolted down to the floor, and people screaming all hours of the day and night.... Well, I was on a really big manic high last week, flying, feeling great. Then I crashed a few days ago. I have been feeling really depressed. Today,<mod edit: resistance - methods > I stopped in time (obviouslly) But I just noticed that I have bruises on my throat. I'm seeing my parents tomorrow and will have to hide those with make-up.... I told a friend, he made me promise I wouldn't kill myself without calling him first. Problem is, he hardly ever answers his phone. So I found this forum and I thought I'd post. I'm sorry if I seem flippant.It's covering up some very real fear. A big part of me doesn't want to die. Another part of me does. Deep down, I want to fight this. I'm just afraid I'll end up in a body bag. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated- feel free to e-mail me or pm.