suicide tonight

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by engeldamon, Jan 3, 2008.

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  1. engeldamon

    engeldamon New Member

    ive never posted on one of thoses sites before but i dont know what to do right now. i am scared im going to kill myself tonight, the voices are telling me to kill myself. i dont even know what theyre saying, i just know that they'r there right now because im feelnig their wants. like im automatic or something. i dont even know how to explain how i feel because i dont even know how i feel. i usually feel, when theyre telling me to do this, that i want them to shut up, i can ignore them, but now its like theyre camouflaging themselves into my head and making me feel what they feel, that i "DO" want to kill myself and that i "WILL". why wont anybody lsiten to me? i dont know what to do to make them stop. im trying not to be graphic here. but the compulsion i getting right now is to remove the cause from my head. i dont even know why im posting here. my last grasp on life? my last chance to trust someone. please i would be grateful if i could recieve some advice on how to stop the inevitable from happeining.
  2. ithuriel

    ithuriel Well-Known Member

    to be honest i do not know how i got through last week.
    i guess i just found something to live for and concentrated on it.
    i listened to music almost constantly , stayed on the p.c. and when i found the courage spoke to a friend on the phone.
  3. Pitt Bull

    Pitt Bull Member

    I to hear voices that tell me to do things that I do not want to do. Here are somethings that I do to get through the voices. I find something to distract me and my mind. I play cards, watch videos, talk to someone. My voice is an internal voice and I try to rationalize the demand I hear. The voice I hear is associated with my dad and mom and how critical they are. So I usually tell myself that the voice is not real and I do not want to hurt my family. My voice tells me to hurt my wife and kids and then kill myself. The love I have for my family out weights the voice and I get through it. i suggest trying to get help in finding out what is triggering the voice through a therapist. If you are real scared of the voice go to the hospital and get help started there. Do something to help yourself first and then work on where the voice is coming from. I am close too going back to the hospital myself because the voice is getting to be stronger than I am. i want to be safe and keep my family safe also. Please keep your self safe and keep on posting and reading post this site really helps.:cool:
  4. engeldamon

    engeldamon New Member

    tthey are usually in my head but sometimes in my ear or behind me. i cant rationalize but i can ignore them but most of the time end up lstening to them. if they want to kill me then they will not shut up until i go through with or at least do violent things to myself, they will be queit then for a few minutes and return to their noramal conversation and turn to joking and then make me feel happy again, because they have control of my moods you see. but the are not satisfied with harming me, they want to kill me this time, im trying to ignore them by distracting my own mind and taking it out of their control but nothing is changing this and im starting to think that i already feel how they want me to feel and its too late to change that
  5. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

  6. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    it is NEVER too late. if their control or persuasion power outweight your capacity to cope or maintain control of yourself, go to the nearest hospital and seek help there. they will instantly give you something to stop the voices which is the first and most important step in reabilitation and dealing with the problem.

    do not delay hun, go to the hospital, emergency room and you will be safe and much better in no time. as you can see both pit bull and I give you the same advice so there is a reason for it..... we do know from experience how it goes and how outside help is important.

    stay safe dear
  7. engeldamon

    engeldamon New Member

    i try to take my mind out of their reach by coming online but i cant distract by music or tv books nintendo anymore,its so much worse than them andm akes me feel anxious and like its getting further into my head than they are do you know what i mean? i cant really concentrate on books or tv anymore, time is going so slow, like movies are playing for 6 hours on and on so i stay away from the tv set. i dont know what to do.
    i would go to the hospital like you suggested but i fear they will think im lying, people dont believe anythign that they dont SEE themselves, or hear themselves. etc. and whenever i go to my doctor he laughs at me and then tells everyone else who works their everything about me that are personal. so i really have no trust in them anymore. if i cant trust my own gp i dont know how i can trust doctors in a hospital who i dont nkow. i mean, its like, my own gp turned on me when i grew up.

    i am probably stupid for even posting here because i never listen to anything anybody tells me to do, its like the voices/ghosts/demons whatever they are are controlling how *I* feel myself, putting their feelings inside of me, and making my decisions for me
  8. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    from the way you describe your family doctor, i would strongly advize you to change doctor as soon as you can. you can and should report him to the medical board as it is agains ethics he sword to in order to become doctor and he can be sued for doing it. i've had one of those and i agree, it does destroy the trust we have in the medical field and often we double pay the price as we dont seek medical help so we suffer and suffer and suffer yet NOT all doctors are like your family doctor. some are doing this as a profession which means with love and dedication where as others, like your doctor, is doing is as a job.... get paid for a service and care little of his patients.

    those working in the hospital settings are 95% doing it as a profession my friend and can be trusted. their dedication cant be discussed... so please give them a chance in helping you as they deal and see patients having problems as you, pitbull, I and so many here have so they know, they KNOW and are aware of how devastating and harmful those voices can be and will provide for help without delay.

    i encourage you in going to the hospital and getting the help and care you do need and this without delay.

    if you are still not convinced let me ask you what you have to loose in going to the hospital? but if what i am telling you has any percentage of truth in it, wouldn't it be worth finding out and getting benefits from it? you are hurting, anxious and peace has left you..... let them, give them a chance at helping you.

    for once, give a chance to someone suffering from same problems as you do to give you an advice and to trust those words. if i hadnt going for help myself i would have died as more than once those voices have tried to convince me that i was unworth of living and they did help me and the voice have shut up for a long time and when they come back, i go back to them and they give me back the cure needed to make them stop so i can have a decent and peaceful mind and life.

    please go and be confident

  9. engeldamon

    engeldamon New Member

    i know, i tried to do something about it but i was under 18 at the time, my mum wouldn't do anything about it because she told me i was imagining it all and that he wasnt laughing or stareing at me because she was in the room with me at the time and then of course you get accused of being paranoid.
    its all a smokescreen to cover up what they're doing, deliberately changing things to make me feel like im imagining it all when im not. i cant trust anybody here and don't, which is why im here on this site right now, i like the anonymity.
    i never feel safe from the demons or whatever they are, they never say, and its like, i dont think a doctor can help with that? if there are things tapping into your brain and sending messages and controlling you, they cant help because it's supernatural, and doctors dont believe in that. i cant even sleep to get away from the voice/s anymore, like i used to.
    i want them to shut up but the times that they do i still feel impulses like they are brainwashing me to do stuff, but silently, and controlling me, without telling me they are.

    anyway thanks for your help, i do appreciate it wholeheartedly. i just dont think that i am sick at all, but more of a case of being psychic and picking up signals of bad beings, who want to control my thoughts and emotions. you know? so its hard to think about going to the doctors or hospital about it, when i know they wont believe me in that.

    thankyou xx
  10. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    hun i know how u feel!
    but ive got 1 really good freind i talk to her im going ti tell u something she told me!

    its ur choice hun! i know how it feels , u feel so locked up, insecoure! well voices keep coming? tell ur self they are not real, its like a tennis game or what ever the ball gets passed to u, like the voices ! and u dont have to accept them throw it back! tell them to take the thoughs in ur head back!
  11. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    sound advice blade. if i was a bit more myself at the moment i'd try to explain what the voices really are and coming from. perhaps tomorrow
    but if someone is more 'together' i'd invite them to explain it to our friend

    granny :hug:
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