suicide urges creeping back...Not in crisis, but bummed out.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jameslyons, Dec 18, 2008.

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  1. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    So my current break from depression was mid-november to mid-december. with major cutting in between. i can't handle this constant ping pong affect, anymore. the cutting urges continue, the binge drinking urges, the laying in the road urge, and of course the bloody suicide urge.

    but i'm not suicidal....just inundated with destructive urges. i can't talk with my family because they think i emotionally manipulate them for money; that i blackmail them with suicide if they don't give me money. suicide isn't an option, but damn if i don't feel blue.

    i hate that everyone on this board is in one stage of a crisis. i don't know what i'd do if anyone here killed themselves this month.

    just writing to prevent any stupid behavior right now.

    i have about 8 pounds in my bank account, no credit card, and bills are due in two weeks with no job. that's annoying. i was turned down by a temporary staffing agency wtf? that annoys me and stresses me out.

    we suffer through depressive moods to screw us over, then when coming out of depression we see the devastating effects of it and feel blue again. shitty cycle.

    i hate myself right now.

    :depressed

    -James.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi James...just wanted to let you know that you are cared for here and I am so sorry you are feeling this way...J
     
  3. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    But arn't you in America, does that mean you have about $20?
     
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