Suicide! Why Not You feel like it is not worth it. The pain is so deep, so heartwrenchingly deep. life is never gonna be better again. People don't really care or maybe you just feel nothing. Years of pain have left a silent hell of almost nonexsistence that closes in on you like a shroud of darkness. You have done things that can never be undone or maybe they've been done to you. That horrible pain that is with you all the time. Will killling your self make it go away. I don't think so. It seems to me that we are put on this earth for a reason and if we don't find that reason we will never be at peace. If you let them, your thoughts can drag you down into a deep abyss your mind can trick you it is just another biological part of your body. There is help. Would you deny yourself treatment if you had cancer or some other thing. I know how you feel Ive been there. Your mind can trick you. Many very creative caring people are suicidal it comes with the package but they can also be some of the people that the world needs the most. They have a special gift and yea its so hard to live with this gift. It is a gift though. When you make that decision to take your life you take many others life too. It leads others down that path to darkness and puts them in a hell they can never escape from. Maybe that's what you want maybe they have hurt you so bad or maybe you think they won't really care or that they will get over,it never happens. Guess what there is someone who loves you and thinks your precious no matter what you have done.or have not done. No matter what you look like or what color your skin or eyes are. There is nothing anyone can do to stop him from loving them. He is not the God who many preach about he is only about love. Only love. He loves you with a greatness that is so magnificent that you can't even comprehend it. He is not up there waiting to drag us to hell. Like some cultures have taught us. The only person who can drag us to hell is our thoughts. The thoughs that you see through a very thick fog of sadness and pain. What if there is something wonderful on the other side of that fog. You are a wonderful child of God. He is part of you and you are part of him as "Wayne Dyer says God is the ocean, but we are a cup of water from that ocean." We are all part of each other. Be brave, Be courageous you are a chosen one. That is why you feel so intensely. I am not saying it is easy but you owe it to yourself and this world to find your purpose and I quarentee if you get through this one day one moment at a time you will find that purpose and fufill it you need to be just exactly who you are. God made us all diffrent and special for a reason. It ok to cry and scream its also ok to laugh and dance when you are ready give yourself a break. Show the world how unique you are. Never try to be someone you are not. The star that shines the brightest is the one who stands alone and show the world who they are you are never really alone. He is in you that is why you have a feeling somewhere down deep that what your thinking about is wrong. Please my beloved dare to believe that there is a someone who can take you by the hand out of the darkness into the life. Angels are all around you and so are my prayers to help you evil is just a thought process its either about fear or love. Fear only has power if you let it. It is like a headless horseman that can't see where its going unless you give it your eyes. It can confuse and convince us but it can never have power over us our eyes our thoughts. Love on the other hand is real power even in a dark dark world it can overcome. Maybe you have never had real love or don't have it now but you always have it inside you. Sometimes we have to trust and not fear to find it. Sometimes we have to give it away. I promise you and I have been there hold on tight to the light of God it will be so worth it and someday you will look back and see how all your troubles have made you a person who has total peace. Keep searching your answers are there. May your soul fill with peace and love and may you have a good cry for relief. Your fellow solider on this earthly place.