I've been thinking about this for a while now but I haven't made a decision yet. I stumbled across this forum looking for a reason not to kill myself before I decide to go through with it. I mean really, why not kill myself? I honestly can't think of anything. Hi. My name is James. On the night of my 17th birthday I sat right here, in front of the computer, with about half a bottle of IB Profin spilled out in front of me and a glass of water. I was pretty close to just downing them. That was a few weeks ago now, and I've taken the bottle out a few times since to see if I could go through with it. Unfortunatley, I'm still here. I just want to end everything, just give up. I don't hate life, I just hate my life. I'm so sick of it. I don't remember when I first started feeling depressed all the time. A few years, probably. At first it wasn't that bad, but its gotten worse as time went on up until around now where I'm seriously considering suicide as an option. Drugs don't help. I know. Alcohol doesn't really make me feel any better. Maybe I should see a psychologist. Maybe I should be on some kind of meds. I don't know. All I know is that I'm hating life right now. I've hated life for a long time. I don't like where I am or where I'm going and I don't see anywhere else to go but down. What I'm trying to say is this. I've been on a downward spiral for a long time now. And I'm about to hit the bottom. Very, very soon. Maybe in a few weeks. Maybe tomorrow. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live more. I can't stand waking up every morning knowing that I'm going to have to get through the whole day before I can sleep again. I don't see why I should wake up and live anymore. If I kill myself tonight I don't think that anyone would really care. People I know would probably be shocked. Maybe a little confused. But they wouldn't really miss me. Why should I go on? Why not kill myself? I was thinking maybe someone here might know, since a few of you have probably been through the same kind of thoughts and feelings.