suicide without depression

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by roze, Feb 11, 2007.

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  1. roze

    roze Active Member

    Ok, so i tend to be suicidal, but the thing is, i don't feel depressed.

    I've been through shitholes, but i've also been lucky to find extreme happyness. Somehow, i feel that my life was already worth it. I feel that it's almost impossible to be as nearly as happy as i once were. Nothing tastes the same for me. What's the point of staying in this planet if you can't live your life as you want? Why should i just keep on working and making money so i can pretend to be happy to my friends?

    I don't know if there's someone here that understands what i mean. I must say that i'm not putting all the cards on the table, and i don't expect to, so i can't expect you to understand neither.

    It's often discussed the morallity and dignity of suicide. I really don't care about that. I don't feel like i'm running away from anything. I feel trapped inside this body, inside this shitty body, so why stay here?

    We can't live just for the sake of others. If i'd come out and said i wanted to kill myself to my friends, i bet they'd be all over me and cheering me up, but then what? After a day or two everything would go back to the same old routine. It's not about attention either.

    Is there anybody out there that's just empty? Anyone looking to be set free?
     
  2. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    You know, you say you're not depressed but you quite succinctly sum up some of the main tenets of depression, which many people here feel too... the sense of purposeless, emptiness and feeling alone, even if surrounded by friends or family. I wonder if you have talked to any professional about your feelings (not that they're the magic solution, as many here, myself included, can testify). But yes, much that you describe definitely rings bells for me... particularly that nothing excites or interests me any more for example.
     
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Sending you hugs and good vibes! :wink: :hug: :hug: :hug:
     
  4. roze

    roze Active Member

    To answer your question.. no... i have never seeked professional support, cause i don't believe they can help me. As much as someone may know about psychology, it does not compare to someone that has been through the same. I've also got other reasons for not seeking professional help, but i'd rather keep it for me for now.

    I don't feel alone, despite not being in a relationship atm. I'm aware that it's a matter of time if i open myself to that possibility. The other senses you described: purposeless and emptiness, are definitly there. But still, i wake up with a smile on my face and full of energy, got a pretty active social life, and don't got any financial or family problems atm. I find no reason for being depressed, and i certainly don't feel like i'm depressed :p
     
  5. dreamer1

    dreamer1 Member

    i know exactly what you mean. i hate being imprisoned in this damn body. but i think im here to learn some stuff, so im trying to do the best i can. which often isn't very good!! i feel often that i don't belong here, death looks so attractive to me, i really want to be dead. i want to get the fuck out of here. but i can't. i've sealed my tie to this body by having offspring who need me. i don't know what the hell i was thinking. my kids are the best thing that's EVER happened to me, but i still want to die. in fact, the interest in dying gets stronger as i get older. at least i can say that if i do live a long and fruitful life by the time i get to the end of it im going to be so, so happy. and relieved!!
     
  6. ealdc

    ealdc Guest

    roze, you say you feel extreme happiness at times. isn't that what people with bipolar experience? could you be bipolar? there are different extremes of it and everyone experiences it differently. some are worse than others.

    from what i have learned, people with bipolar are more likely to attempt and commit suicide because of the radical fluctuations. what i mean is their hi's are high and their low's are low and when they get in between they tend to do things that are more drastic than those who are always depressed.

    This is similar to those of us who are just starting antidepressants. we begin feeling more up to doing something with our life, but are still just as sad and depressed- so we think "okay, i'm ready to do something about how shi**y I feel, I'm gonna end it once and for all"
     
  7. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni


    Good question! :hug: :yes:
     
  8. roze

    roze Active Member

    That somehow fits with what i experience ealdc. You might just be right... Thanks.

    When i'm feeling down, it's like i got a conscious side of me that knows why i'm feeling like that, and knows that i shouldn't feel down cause there are answers and solutions to deal with my feelings, but i still can't help feeling down. Does that make any sense?
     
  9. Atiri

    Atiri Active Member

    Bi Polar disorder is extremly common, get yourself checked out at a pshycologists. Also try getting done for SAD , its where light levels effect your mood.
     
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmm I believe that suicide is not tide to depression directly. More to negative feelings, such as self-hatred.

    :tongue: We cannot all live like we want. If I was living the way I wanted I would be a vigilant who walks on the line of good and evil :laugh: but I am not. Not to make fun of you of course.

    Look, you just have to make use of what you have. If you are not happy with your friends then make new ones. If you hate your job get a new one. If you hate the system become a leeching hippee XP sorry. The point is just make the best of what you got.

    Me all my closets friends live over 200 miles away, the closest one is 220 miles away from me. The rest live 400+ miles away. I would love nothing more than to be a part of their life and love and support them like they have supported me. I want to hold them and speak to them, and show them how much I love and trust them....:dry: it is complicated to explain... and I would rather not explain here. But that is not the point the point is that we are only linked by the net. And while it hurts to be physically alone all the time I know that somewhere in the world they are there and that helps me live my life.
     
  11. Stylez

    Stylez Well-Known Member

    Man i feel this thread is everything I was looking for in my feelings about myself. Suicide without Depression. Genius topic man. I think it relates to my thread on the after effects forum... http://suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=23341
     
  12. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    I won't comment on the rest of your post at this point, but there's actually a discussion of suicidality without depression in The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, that gives a lot of information on this topic.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 12, 2007
  13. roze

    roze Active Member

    Thanks for the links and threads. I'll read them before posting more bout this.
     
  14. Old_Man_Kensey

    Old_Man_Kensey Well-Known Member

    i think i relate a bit...I m concerned about the purpose of my life and i definately get that empty feeling

    I m young, i m qualified, i "happy", "social", maybe funny too, i m not depressed, no more at least...But thing is i keep thinking i m a waste of life...The idea of the years passing, me hanging out with the same people at the same places, laughing at the same jokes, living routine, day after day is obscene to me.I hate that.I always wanted to do sth inspiring, sth outstanding, sth that the others can look at and admire.But that s not on the cards coz i m an average normal person...

    I don t wanna die...But i don t mind either...and the fact that noone understands how much the above mean to me is making me feel so lonely inside, somewhere in a dark corner of my mind.
     
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