My story is a crazy one some dont believe or just dont want to. My note that people find will be much more real. I plan to off myself soon. Its just lately ive felt so depressed. I moved myself into a apartment I cant afford, have problems ive never dealt with as a child, I cant keep a job, and before meth I had dreams. Now I cant think of what I want to do the next day, I feel alone and am gettin so frustrated to where all I can think about is murder and suicide. Im stuck with the feeling that nothin will ever get better. Im disapointed because I use to feel like I was someone special, someone destined for greatness, like god had a plan for me. Now I wonder if there is even a god, or a plan. Im a 19 year old drop out, a fucked up family, no real friends, and a place ill soon loose. I have no dreams amd walk around losr, trying to find my center. To proud to admit thoughts of suicide or to talk about everything, so I bug my girlfriend in the middle of the night because I know shell turn me down. All I want is a hug and someone who understands without me saying anything. I dream of drugs and murder now. No longer the dreams of me saving the world or great battles, just me hitting a pilo with my life spinning out of control. I want to do meth once more...feel the rush of my old friend. Then do it, then get rid of me. I am a waist of skin. A liar, a cheater, a manipulator, and I dont deserve to be here.