suicide

I've not ever really thought about it, once or twice...but here lately it's been on my mind. My mother is arriving in the country today to visit for a month and I've thought that maybe now is the best time, then she wouldn't have to travel again...i just don't want to fail if I should ever try...

 

Why do you think it's the best solution? What problems are you facing that seem so daunting that require such a final and drastic solution? How do you think your friends and mother would feel if you were no longer around?

There must be a better way for you...

 

i'm worried i'm going to lose my job, right now i'm just a burden on my friends....I complicated things with my best fiends so I miss them terribly. I just don't see the point, for every day of happiness there's a month of pain, and what's the point to that?

 

I understand how it feels to fuck things up with close friends. I know that only too well. But does that mean they would welcome your departure from this world? I'd take a guess to say they would miss you incredibly and regret not being able to resolve the rift that had kept you apart

As for the friends that you have now that you think you are a burden for, if they actually think that then they're not your friends. But it's more likely than not that they want to help you and just might not know how. People get scared when they hear their friends are depressed or suicidal, most just simply don't know what to say. But I can tell you they probably don't want you to leave.

I understand what you mean about "every day of happiness there's a month of pain". I've been so happy before and then a month later I'm back where I started and I'm thinking about how shitty my life can be. I've worked so hard to make sure those times of depression and despair become less and less likely to happen, and I like to think I'm doing ok at it.

There is hope. Just try to hang on until these feelings pass. Things will get better.

 

You need to find something to do with your spare time. It sounds like you need the distraction to be able to keep your thoughts from turning negative on you. Does that make any since. I know what i'm trying to say it is just tuff putting into words.
Have you sat down and talked to your friends that driffted away? You should tell them how much or how little you deem they need to know.
The main thing is you need to try to patch things up. It sort of gives you closier to the mistake you made that caused all this. I think once your friends see that you are trying that they will drift back your direction. Stay Strong and Stay Safe::chopper:

 

I think you can work through the situation you are in. I know it isn't easy when you lose your job and feel you are burdening someone else. But you can find other work. It may take time and effort on your part, but it is possible. You can also talk with your friends and try to patch up anything that needs to be worked out. If they truly are friends they will understand and want your friendshiop back. Taking your life, although always an option, should only be an option when all others have been tried and exhausted. I think you have plenty of options yet to explore. Don't give up. Keep searching for other answers. :hug:

 

*sigh*

 

It's been a rough couple of months...been thinkign alot lately...not always good thoughts...maybe it'll get better one day

 

Sometimes people go through phases where it'll be on their mind alot. Try to, if you cant quash those thoughts completely, give them a time limit, sometimes this helps me, and say right, 3 mins then im moving on to thinking about what i'm going to do tomorrow? Don't know if this will work for you but it helps me realize i can't dwell on it.