I hate that I dont want to live. I wish I could experience life as it is meant to be. I dont remember a day that I wasnt in this horrible state of mind. I have lived like this for the last 9 years. I want my life back. I want the life I should have had. I want to feel alive...feel life for all its worth. I dont wanna sit by and watch it pass, I want to take part. I want to be the real me again. I want to be free again, and unfortunately the only way I can be free is by only one way..the only way I can think of...suicide.