Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by guardian, Sep 11, 2006.

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  1. guardian

    guardian Member

    ... When i think of taking my own life i feel bad, i feel it will only cause more harm than good... not cause im special or feel i do anything good... but because i have a family that loves me... but still this life feels empty.. ive been alone alot lately... i dont want to see other people, i just wanna be myself.. closed, away from world.. this world has no meaning.. its all about, work, sleep, and eat.... i dont feel like i fit in... -

    - so even though my family loves me, (dad is manio depressive, mom keeps to herself, a sister on drugs, another sister i see every 6 month, and a brother who keeps to himself and his wife)

    -sometimes i think of the ways i can end it all.. just jump off a bridge or jump infront of a train...

    maybe im just not taking my own life cause im scared.. maybe the family thing is just an excuse... i dont know...

    I like how i look, i like the people i know.. i love my family... but still...???????

    its wierd... i read some of the threads in here.. i cant really find any that tells my story...

    an ordinary boy, 19 years old, bored of life... and everything it contains!..

    all i want to do is.....???? im torn between the side of me that loves life, and embrase it, and the one who hate life, hate u, hate the capitalistic society, hate my family for being as they are, but still love them..

    i miss words.. i dont know how to explain all this... its just the empty feeling inside... empty...
  2. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Hey, I'm in just about the same situation as you, I'm also 19, feeling miserable, I think about suicide a lot but then also think that my family would also miss me very much. I have no friends, no body to care about me, just my family really. I am very anti-social, don't like to be around people but then get so depressed when everyone else around me has all these friends, girlfriends, etc. I don't know what to do, I wish I could start my pathetic life all over again, my life feels very empty and pathetic.
  3. guardian

    guardian Member

    [ Srry for my spelling... im not english so bare with me... ]

    yea... lately ive been all by myself, i have one friend who keeps calling me though, and as much as i like him, i dont feel like saying "yes" when he ask if i wanna go somewhere or go to a party and get drunk... theres no point... cause i hate it... i used to like it.. i dont know how all this happened...

    ... i used to take drugs in the past and party 6 days a week... (ecstasy and coke) that was all i had... it took my pain away... made me happy, shine like the happiest boy in the whole white world... but in the end, the drugs take control and it almost made me go to phsyc. house.. (or whatever its called in english)

    so i stopped... it was hard but i did it, and it was a very big step for me... and great to feel the feeling of succes...

    now its back... and the worst part is i dont know whats causing this emptyness, and depression...

    And the last thing im going to do is take any drugs again.. i'd rather shot myself than eat another pill.... =/
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Meds are not necessarily a bad thing if taken under control. I know how you feel about them though. Maybe you could try going to a therapist and see if it might possibly help. You don't have to necessarily be put on meds to fight depression. It is worth a try. Sorry I am really not much help at the moment. take care. :hug:
  5. guardian

    guardian Member 19 years old, almost ended up psycotic of the drugs...

    stopped the drugs and had 2 years of therapy once a week... it did help... but as i was saying now its back to bite me again... and i cant keep on going to therapist the rest of my life...

    am i weak??? for not just telling myself to get a grib and move on?!?

    i feel like rippin everything and everyone to pieces... i just wanna live alone and die alone...
  6. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    You weak? Far from it, I think you are very strong and I respect you for all the pain you are going through and still gritting your teeth. Many of us go through so much emotional pain that others around us could never ever comprehend and probably not be able to handle it at all, yet we don't get any kudos or praise for us acting and being so brave in face of our depression.
  7. Lux5

    Lux5 Member

    19-year-old? You still have so many options in front of you. I am 30 and my options are so limited now I don't know what to do anymore. Please don't give up.
  8. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Its funny because I too am 19 years old but already feel that my options are gone and that I HAVE to kill myself, there's no way out of my predicament. :sad:
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