Suicidle thoughts haunting me again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Mar 6, 2012.

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  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Been a while since ive visited this sight but i guess talking to the walls every night aint working.Seem to be loosing the plot again.Had alot of shit put on me in the last 7 months anxiety is sky high locking myself indoors again not sleeping and suicide thghts getting stronger.Dont know how much more i can fght ive basically had a gut full of the shit tht gets thrown at me.I d admit i saw a glimmer of hope there for a little while but thts gone i feel like shit again and just cant cope being this low again had enough of fighting this shitty arse mental illness.Ive done all therapies councilling yet still end up at this point i give up.
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Spidy I am sorry that you feel so awful but I am glad that you have come back here - we may not always be great in the way of advice but we definitely do supoort better than walls do :hug:
    Do you want to talk a bit about the "shit" that has been thrown at you? Maybe someone here can help, or maybe talking about it with people rather than walls might help you get it into perspective in your head a little?
    If you need to talk please feel free to PM me any time :)
  3. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Thanx just dealing with lots people who keep messing with my head and im having too deal with the crap they keep dishing out.Seems when i started to get well it was time to make my life hard again.Guess im just over it all cant sleep fghting these thghts im physically and mentally drained and just cant keep this up i just cant Try to keep occupied but cant stop this low being going on for months longer than ever everyday and nght reoccuring thghts of self harm i cant beat it not this time fghting this and all the other stuff im going thrgh i just cant im drained ive had enough i was hoping writing here mght help but my head is just racing sorry im rambling now cant thnk
  4. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    didnt want to start a new thread but all i have to say is fuck everyone(that aint aimed at you guys here) everyone can go to fucking hell
  5. suzy

    suzy Well-Known Member

    hi Gav

    i remember you from before and i know your words were not aimed at anyone here.... its just you want to be alone when people bug you

    as for the things that got better then now all this hitting you

    Gav, can this time you hang on and attempt to reach people here again or make new friends here... cause i do remember how special you were and how you were then... i also remember worrying a lot because what you go through does not reflect who you were then or who you are now

    if you can express yourself here then i know not to recommend anywhere else for you at the moment then just here at the site

    i think for me it would be sad if anything happened to you this far along since we met
    i will keep you in my thoughts (as i want so much more for you; then to ever have to go through what happened before or anything similiar today)
  6. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Christ im going thrgh hell help i dont want to go bck to hospital not even drinking anymore and ive come down worse what the hell am i meant to do to rid these thghts and to get rid of this fcking downer help im not kidding i cant keep doing this getting harder everyday falling apart worse than ever
  7. suzy

    suzy Well-Known Member


    i just think its better for you to try as you have been trying... but i read your reply to someone else and you said what was good in that post

    but in this post you said many times you are trying and that you cant go further... my reasoning is valid as it was the only chance for you to meet people other than having this fear of the hospital coming up each time you think

    your mind is there because its a reality that you are aware of with your experiences.... and as a fear as well seeing what you are writing of the hospital a lot

    you are alone now but i do want each day for you a chance to meet people and talk to them til you come away from feeling this bad and feel supported

    for you have support from around you though i wish you felt my support was more

    but you're in forum posting and i am in forum answering... which is slow but direct... my support is in writing back... and hoping you explain more of your feelings not matter how bad you feel
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I remember you. :hug: I know you're tired, and you're going through a lot again. But you CAN keep fighting. You pushed your way out of this before, and you can do it again.

    Always here if you want to talk or need a friend.
  9. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Thanx guys all different this time um have real good reasons im like this will elaborate bit later all i know i have never been as bad as what i am now was so close to succeeding just before xmas havnt recovered mentally just dont know what too do trying to talk here as much as i can trying everthing just cant seem to get around rhese dangerous thghts and this big bloody low body have to shut down soon not eating or sleeping and these racing thghts crap just wish it never came bck well not as bad as this
  10. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    ive come too the conclusion im not wanted in this life im checking out fck this
  11. suzy

    suzy Well-Known Member

    hi gav

    its taking to long to reach you... over time things have gotten worse as i write you here in forum

    please stay safe and dont harm yourself within this moment you're feeling

    its important that you are now responsible for your safety and health.. since things have changed so quickly and you cant explain from your other post

  12. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please don't let go, come back and talk to us! :hug: Just want you to know you're cared about. Always here if you want to talk.
  13. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Thnx guys im fgting best i can its just draining me.Just trying to deal with the ex at moment as for 7 months she has withheld my kids from me without any orders.Since she got remarried she became a bitch.Also inbtween dealing with legal aid and her shit im dealing with my lifes crap thrgh therapy.I also see 2 councillers make tht 3 and guess im just drained. i dont sleep anymore as much as i try so body running on empty.Want to get some work as im on the bones of my arse of course when lost my share care of kids money went rght down but not being able to sleep i look like shit and of course real bad depression.Started to lock myself away from world as i cant deal with ppl and anxiety has sky rocketed.These fcking thghts should dissappear but they dont and i feel im loosing it real bad.To be honest im really scared of my state of mind at moment not in very good spot.I feel as thgh maybe im not meant to have any happieness or im just here for ppls punching bag.I had one arsehole abusing me in more ways than one when i was 16 fors years guess he emotionally killed me along with my own dignighty and selfworth.Now im got another who likes to fck with my head yay.Lost all me friends and really have knowhere else to turn too.Sorry ive just dribbled so much crap i ll leave it there for now.
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Don't ever be sorry for posting, I'm glad you told us what's going on with you! :hug:

    Is there any legal way you can get your kids back? I don't know how things work there, and I have no idea how much it would cost. But I really hope you can get them back. They deserve to be with you.

    I know you're going through a lot, and it feels like total overload. Just try not to give up. I can tell you're still fighting, and that takes a lot. You can always come here and reach out when you feel like you can't take anymore. We'll help you get through. You can fight all this bad stuff that's happening, one day at a time.
  15. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    If only i could sleep head rght now going fcking awol christ dont know what to do thing hosp is starting to look choice im even in tears rght now and hence being a male hard to admit i dont know how im going to get thrgh all this dont even know what fcking help i need
  16. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Hospital might be a good idea. It's worth it, to keep yourself safe.

    Just want you to know I care, and I'm here. Please keep trying to hold on.
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