• Apologies for the issue with a bizarre redirect on the site earlier today. There was a large server update and an error in an IP address had the traffic routing wrongly. No hacking or anything nefarious and nothing to worry about. Sorry for any stress/anxiety caused. Very best wishes - SF Admin

Suisidal hate life to the core

Angel777

Well-Known Member
#1
Defiantly thinking of suiside a lot latley ,been looking at ways to end it . I’m getting older, and the future just looks bleak , ive Suffered so much with my mental health , breakdowns , serious depression , anxiety. When I think of everything I’ve been threw , I know I should not be here , I should of gone to heaven years ago , feel like it’s becoming a joke now. Sometimes I wonder what ths point , you get old , your career will go, your car will go . I think when You want to die more than you want to live then there is somthing seriously wrong with this f++++++ up world . Most nights before I go to sleep I pray for god to take me home . How bad is that?
 

Kolisar

SF Supporter
#2
@Angel777 I am sorry you are struggling so much right now. I certainly can understand dealing with the perceived futility of life, combined with aging. And, I also spend a LOT of time worrying about the state of the world. It absolutely seems "f++++++ up".

What you are suggesting though it a permanent (suicide) to a temporary problem (the state of the world, society, and your depression). I've been there. I've tried to end it all, and I've been close to another attempt more times than I care to admit. Life is worth living. It may not seem like it right now, but there will be good moments, you will meet good people, and those things will make life worth continuing.
 

Nick

☆☆Admin-tastic ☆☆
Admin
SF Social Media
SF Artist
SF Supporter
#3
Hi @Angel777
It's hard when life keeps throwing things at you and you can't seem to feel like you ever reach that point of stable. That thought of why I am I even here? Creeping in, and why wouldn't it? It's a question so many people ponder and struggle with. I don't have all the answers, and I can't promise life works out. I can say that life is always changing. I hope you can find that thing that allows you to hang on.
 

Angel777

Well-Known Member
#4
Thankyou for your help, I apprechiate that good times will always be their to grab , but like I said im so tired , everything I tried for years to get , are not worth much now , my age just stops me from pursuing some jobs, plus I just don’t have the energy anymore , i tried So hard to pass my driving test in a manual car , and now cars are all going automatic, and i hate automatic driving ,it’s just boring . Just tired of trying for things , that eventually don’t last , things change they just go . I agree life changes , but I hate change , I’d be very happy to live life the way I want it , but life doesent work like that . My son of 26 , has left home now , he has a top job ,his own place ,and i just feel like the house is empty , I still see him a lot , but it’s still a big change . For someone who hates change . And can’t adjust well . I find it difricult to carry on , I’m just not happy anymore with life . Nothing is lifting my self esteem , now and it’s like hell evey day
 

Kolisar

SF Supporter
#5
@Angel777 We have a lot in common.

my age just stops me from pursuing some jobs, plus I just don’t have the energy anymore
Welcome to aging/entropy. There is hardly a day that passes where I don't feel old and yearn for the energy I had just ten years ago. I believe it was for us older folk the phrase "Work smarter not harder" was invented. We lose some energy, but we gain experience and wisdom. That is the trade-off. Sure, we may not have the energy of our younger co-workers, but we also have seen a LOT more than they have and, usually, can solve the problems faster due to our experience. Unless the new job you are considering pursuing requires serious physical effort, your age may be more of an asset than you think.

i hate automatic driving ,it’s just boring
Agreed. When I had to switch to a standard (was young, just had a kid, wife couldn't drive a stick, I felt that I lost all control over the car. The automatic shifting still doesn't feel like it shifts right, certainly not when I would shift.

My son of 26 , has left home now , he has a top job ,his own place ,and i just feel like the house is empty , I still see him a lot , but it’s still a big change
That is a big one, but you knew that day was going to come. And it could have been earlier. The fact that he moved out and is doing well means that you did well raising him. You prepared him to do live on his own, to be responsible and to be an adult. Clearly the example you set was a good one. And hang in there, grandchildren may be in your future and your house will, once again, have some noise!

but it’s still a big change . For someone who hates change . And can’t adjust well .
I believe it was Heraclitus who said "The only constant in life is change". Nothing stays the same. But I do agree that change can be stressful. I don't like change either but since I have no control over it most of the time I have resigned myself to the fact that it is going to happen and try to find the good in the change. Even if it is a negative change I try to find some positive that can come from it, even if it is my learning to cope with negative outcome caused by the change.

I find it difricult to carry on , I’m just not happy anymore with life . Nothing is lifting my self esteem , now and it’s like hell evey day
Try to hang in there. Things will get better. Happiness with life, and one's self, often ebbs and flows. It will get better.
 

Jezah81

Well-Known Member
#6
Defiantly thinking of suiside a lot latley ,been looking at ways to end it . I’m getting older, and the future just looks bleak , ive Suffered so much with my mental health , breakdowns , serious depression , anxiety. When I think of everything I’ve been threw , I know I should not be here , I should of gone to heaven years ago , feel like it’s becoming a joke now. Sometimes I wonder what ths point , you get old , your career will go, your car will go . I think when You want to die more than you want to live then there is somthing seriously wrong with this f++++++ up world . Most nights before I go to sleep I pray for god to take me home . How bad is that?
Sorry you're feeling this way. Your situation sounds similar to mine. Getting older, crap job, more physically disabled as every year goes by, nothing to look forward to. I also wish I wouldn't wake up in the morning. The only thing that helps me get by are distractions as small as they are. I hope you find a way to distract your mind from your bad thoughts.
 

Angel777

Well-Known Member
#7
Thanks again for all your advice , I think I’m going threw a mid life crises , it’s like life is moving to fast , changing , and I can’t keep up .I’m drowning from it all. It doesent help that I’m isolated at home due to corona virus , my depression is so bad most days , that I can’t even function. i feel like i havent lived for a year , sometimes a week can feel like forever . I could do with some counseling, but it’s all online , and I’m old fashioned , and would prefer to see a counselor face to face . I just want this lockdown to end , because Going out to places ,lifts me up from depression a bit , so I have the energy , to clean the house . Really cried today from it all , I just want a better day so bad
 

Kolisar

SF Supporter
#8
I could do with some counseling, but it’s all online , and I’m old fashioned , and would prefer to see a counselor face to face .
The online thing isn't as bad as you may think. I had to switch because of the pandemic and my doctor uses video for sessions (Zoom, with the sessions managed through something called "SecureVideo"). It's not as good as being there in person, but it is much better than nothing, or even a phone call.

I'm "Old Fashioned" as well, and am looking forward to being able to have interactions with people without needing a computer to do so. But, please give video-baswed therapy a try. The therapy will help and, although not the ideal setting, it is much better than waiting until things return to "normal".
 

Angel777

Well-Known Member
#9
I’m going to wait , and meet the counselor in person , I tried zoom once ,when I did a self esteem course and I didn’t like it all. I’m just hoping I can cope till I get support .
 

Please Donate to Help Keep SF Running

Total amount
$185.00
Goal
$255.00
Top