summer, scars in public

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by MourningAngel, Mar 2, 2014.

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  1. MourningAngel

    MourningAngel Well-Known Member

    Hey together,

    I've been self harming all my life and since I changed my methods I have been adding scars on my lower arm, lower leg and thigh. Last year I didn't c*t my arm because of my job but I started again this winter. Last summer I lived together with 20 other young people (Christians). Among them were my 2 best friends, whom I found there. I wanted to start wearing skirts again last year. During summer I'm not that dependant on c*tting and can limit it to my thigh. I never show wounds. I'm fine with my scars, they are a part of me and I like to see them as battle wounds. To me they don't mean defeat, but that my depression and past try to bring me down again and again and I manage to beat them. I'm not ashamed of my scars at all. So last summer, thanks to the encouragement of my best friends, I wore skirts that showed the scars on my lower leg. I think no-one ever noticed them...

    Now I'm at university and my best friends live in other towns. I found 3 close friends here. They know that I harm myself and are fine with it. It doesn't bother them at all. All three of them said that they would stand by me if I decided to “out myself” and wear short clothes in summer. One of them even promised to defend me if anyone made negative comment about my scars. The four of us are part of a bigger group of 11 people in total. They're all really cool and I don't think that any of them will react in a bad way. Maybe need some time to get used to it, though, but that's perfectly fine.

    So I think I will go through with it this summer and finally publicly out myself for the first time.
    What I don't know is how to react, when people stare or ask me about my scars. I don't want to lie but at the same time I think strangers don't really need to know. I think it depends on the first impression the person makes, whether I tell them or not.
    I'm really worried that if one of the bigger group does react in a bad way I will lose my courage and hide again even with my friends there to support me.

    What I want to ask you: have you done this before and how have people reacted? How did you react to them/how could I react to others?

    I will update this when something interesting happens. I will keep you up to date on reactions and how things work out if you're interested.

    Thanks for taking the time to read this and for all answers :smile-new:
     
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. I am not a c****er. But I love people who are. So I wanted to answer. For what its worth. I am wondering if you might want to answer to anyone who asks "they are my battle scars". This is how I see them when I see it on someone else. I also think that for some they are their voice. although I never assume that I know what's what for any person. I can and do have respect for the scars. Dont know if my reply helps at all. :hug:
     
  3. MourningAngel

    MourningAngel Well-Known Member

    I really like your point of view. I was thinking about saying "they are battle scars" but I'm not sure if others would understand what I'm trying to say... thanks for your reply, it does help =)
     
  4. RESTurtles

    RESTurtles Well-Known Member

    Honestly, it takes its toll even if they dont ask, just thinking what they would ask or say to you about them is hard to think about. But I will do my best to answer your question

    I do have scars, new and old, in summer I will not be able to wear long sleeves like I am now. Everybody reacts different, some ask if everythings ok (I lie), what happened (lie), only one person asked me why I do it, and it was hard to lie, but I did in fear. Out of no where she asked me why I do that, I knew exactly what she meant, nothing came to mind at the time, except "What, ohh thats from working around in the yard", didnt work for her, but she forgot/didnt care.

    Its hard to say the right thing for this kind of situation, just because everybody takes it differently. I know it sucks, but you can make a joke about it, like you feel in a cactus, I never had the courage to make a joke that deep, but you are strong. You could say they you would rather not talk about it, because its not really any of there business.

    Hope everything goes well, and stay safe.
     
  5. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    battle scars sounds first wordly

    people sometimes look and go: don't do it again
    like that'd change it

    i think what most require is something/someone motivational and persuasive, non judgemental to stop it
    appears you got the latter covered
     
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    perhaps if you would like to say they are your battle scars, the statement could be your sorting device. Those who are able to understand and "get it" will. Those who are not able to understand will not. If someone asks further and it is an unconscious question you could always reply as RESTurtles suggested and say " I did battle with a cactus". I know its scary to show them. But when I saw someones scars, they were a bit of her voice. I knew she had been through a hard time. And I was glad she was able to not hide her scars. I did not know her. But still I was glad she was able to show the scars.
     
  7. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    i have spent the past 2ish years not worrying about people seeing my scars and honestly i think i might have had like 1 person comment on my scars in that whole time ive seen people looking but i think alot of the time people have the manners not to ask about it.
     
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