Sunday might be the day

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by reggie123, Aug 5, 2011.

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  1. reggie123

    reggie123 Member

    I've had 14 months of torment now. The noise is my head is as bad as ever. There is no cure. I need peace. I can't watch TV, read, listen to music, or anything really. All there is is tinnitus.

    The only way out for me is to try to go peacefully. I won't say how I'm going to do it. I just wish I didn't have to. If I could wake up tomorrow and be the person I was just a bit over a year ago I would be happy as a lark.
    I was depressed, without a mate, had OCD, and a host of other anxiety disorders. I remember a couple of weeks before this began wondering if I was always going to be as miserable. It seems the answer was no. I was about to be a lot more miserable than I ever was.

    I'm very sorry for those I will hurt. I can't see another way. My life is nothing but torment. Everyday just like the last. I will die eventually anyway....after many years of suffering. Why not cut to the chase?

    I am filled with regret. I didn't take care of my health for years. I was depressed. I drank, smoke, and didn't eat right. I don't know for sure if this contributed to the ear condition I have, but it's a safe bet that it did. When my hearing started going out I had just parted with ways with a girl I cared deeply for. I was drinking to dull the pain. That might have been what brought me to the point of no return as far as my ear condition is concerned.

    I've studied theories of life recurrence. That it might be possible that a person could come back in the exact same circumstance, and have a shot at making different life decisions. I of course don't know that this is true. It is a possibility. There really is nothing left for me in this go-round.

    I realize that suicide isn't something that should be encouraged, but I'm spent. There is no other way out.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I cannot imagine what it is like for you. I had to read about tinnitus to get an idea of what it is.

    I found it interesting that the article said sometimes anxiety and depression can make tinnitus worse. Perhaps you need to address the depression as well as the tinnitus. Maybe try some yoga, meditation, relaxation therapy, exercise...Anything that helps you focus on something other than the tinnitus, if you can.

    Also, have you considered seeing another specialist. Even top specialists might overlook something. A second opinion might help.

    Please don't give up. Thinking of you. :hug:
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I also have tinnitus from a medication I took 4 years the time, my anxiety was so high that the choice was this everlasting ringing and a reduction of the anxiety or crippling, most of the time, I think the air conditioner or some such machine is on, and it is the ringing in my head...when I am laying down, it is worse...I do keep a fan on low near my bed to mask the noise, and that works sometimes...mine does not sound as bad as you are experiencing, but wanted to say, I truly understand what it is like to be without difficult...J
  4. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    There's a new medication out now for tinnitus, I saw the commercial for it on tv the other day, but I'm sorry, I can't remember the name, but ask your doctor about it, maybe it'll help. If it's that bad, have surgery done to relieve your symptoms, don't give up your life because of something that might be treatable or even cured.
  5. reggie123

    reggie123 Member

    Thank you so much for your replies.

    Unfortunately, there is no cure for tinnitus. The "cures" that are seen on TV are scams. I've researched this intently for over a year. When you have a sudden hearing loss (as I did) your brain goes crazy and creates a noise to replace the signal it no longer receives. Herbs, vitamins, et al do nothing to change that.

    I think this "incarnation" or "iteration" is a done turkey. I'm tired. I've had my chance and failed. If I thought there was hope I'd continue on. I just don't see any.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: I have tinnitus too. Like Sadeyes said, I don't think mine is as bad as you've described. Mine's worse at night, and I've been known to keep a fan going all night sometimes to mask the noise.

    Not all treatments are scams; it'd be worth going to another specialist to get their opinion. It's also true, as someone else mentioned, that depression, anxiety, and stress can make tinnitus worse. So maybe seeking treatment for depression could help in both ways.
  7. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    No - there is no cure - but the experts feel that they are VERY close to it and its the brain which triggers things not the actual ears - some nerves in the brain perhaps. Millions of people with tinnitus look for cures at first but all you got is strategies to cope - I'm sure you know most of them and have read about this.

    What actual level do you have - a jet engine or waves - air conditioner or whistling?

    The tinnitus varies - each different noise has its own 'mask' and if you hear waves you can sometimes cope by visualising waves.

    I know a few people with it - mild mostly.

    You have depression also remember which will make your condition worse - not least because your mind deals in negatives so obviously you concentrate or ruminate on the noises.

    Are there any tinnitus forums your way?

    We have them in the UK for certain.

    Good luck Reggie - sorry to have not replied before mate. I did mean to but you know how it is here sometimes.

    Anyhow - nice to make your acquaintance and I admire you sticking this out on your own with little if any support.

    You need support with this - and with depression!

    So stick around - join the UK tinnitus forum perhaps also.

    They will know exactly what you feel - I can only imagine.

    I know depression though. My old buddy from way back!

  8. NJ_CB

    NJ_CB Member

    Your post caught my eye because you said Sunday might be the day. Do you get stressed really easy? I dread my job and interacting with people and pressure to complete tasks and it all, predictably, comes to a head on Sundays. So I spend my whole weekend dreading Monday morning. It is like a countdown to doom in my head.
  9. reggie123

    reggie123 Member

    Thanks for all your comments.

    I've been to the best boards. Talked to people who have had the noise for thirty years. I talked to a former head of the American Tinnitus Association (won't say which one) and he has commented that he doesn't think a "cure" is anywhere on the horizon. It's all "getting used to it". No thanks. I've had enough s--t in my life without having this lopped on top of it.

    My tinnitus can't be masked. It's a Heinz 57 variety of sounds. Most predominantly like a bullfrog on steriods or a monster truck inside my head.

    The reason why it should be Sunday is because that's August 7th.

    The day my Granddad (who I admired...heard a lot about...but never knew) was born.

    Time for the next go round.
  10. cutiepie132

    cutiepie132 Well-Known Member

    I also have depression due to my illness. I know what your going through. I had a bad day yesterday, could have hurt myself. It made it worse because my daughter seems to think I should be able to turn this illness off anytime I want, like I'm not really sick at all. I was already depressed over feeling worse. Having thoughts of giving up have been crossing my mind something awful. But I am not going to do that, I am going to keep going to see if things can get better, and you should too.

    Do you have any idea what is causing the tinnitus? That is what you need to find out first, to see what your options are for treating this. Don't give up when there could be something that could help you. At least explore those options first. When your in a state that this is unbearable for you, you need to make that clear to your doctor, there is no reason why they shouldn't do surgery knowing this.
  11. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    All noise has the most predominant sounds...I found a fan that mirrors those sounds...try to sing out loud the loudest sounds in your ears and see what machine can mask it...what is the risk? Maybe a good nite's sleep...J
  12. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Friend and Antiquities Friend Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I may be way off here and pardon me if so.

    My mother developed crippling tinnitis in late life. She went to doctor after doctor. They decided it was stress and put her on anti-anxiety drugs and the tinnitis, although it didn't go away completely was bearable.

    I have tinnitis myself. When it first came on it was awful. Doctors never said why I had it. It is worst when I am tired, at night or am stressed.

    I do hope you reconsider, I hear you when you say how crippling this is, but as someone said, there is always research and there is the depression element as well. Also my mother's experience, for what its worth.

    If you would like to chat I am usually around, either chat or pm, feel free.

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