Super Angry this Morning

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by NeverM1nd, Oct 3, 2016.

  1. NeverM1nd

    NeverM1nd Active Member

    My temper is keeping me from moving forward in life. I tried to get up and simply get to work today...not so much. After finding out I will likely need surgery for gallstones, I am on edge about everything. Given that I work from home, there is no PTO option for me. My youngest son's dad used to send some money while in the army. 2 years ago he just stopped with no explanation. He contacted me a couple of months ago saying he would be leaving the army and wanted to see his son. Still NOTHING.

    It's like he dangles this mess over my head bc he wants my attention then pretends like I'm just crazy and worried about him when I finally snap on him. I just sent him a message telling him I will find him and take him to child support. Sadly, I'm lying. I have no clue where he is or how to find him and likely still wouldn't do it if I did.

    He got married while we were together, by son was born after. The wife has made it no secret that she hates us both and wants my child to suffer although she also admitted that he has never been faithful and that he would likely cheat again, just not with me...real psycho. She stalked me trying to find out the details of our relationship even though they were in the same house and he wouldn't tell her anything. She even called and told me about all the money he spends on her and her kids and how mine would get little to nothing. A real rotten wench. Yeah, I know some of you will blame me for being involved with him, but that's not even the issue. They had a pathetic "open" relationship when we met. He basically moved in and took care of my oldest for 1 1/2 years before marrying her so why would I think they would ever go that route. Once I figured it out, I tried to move on with my life, but he just kept playing on my vulnerabilities. Knowing that he was literally the only friend I had, he would call and tell me he loved me, beg to see me, say we could just be friends, etc. ANYthing to get me back. After shunning him for months, I caved. And here we are. He pretends to be blameless but his plan was to have 2 families all along. The problem came in when he told the wife. Although he seemed to foolishly believe that she was a saint who would accept my child with open arms...and even she messaged me at one point saying something similar, her true colors came out in no time and she began goign thru his phone, checking every message, and calling me to tell me how he doesn't care about my child and she would've kicked him out of my stomach had she known I was pregnant (a real class act!). I had to change my number at least 3 times. The last of which, I never even gave it to him bc he was clearly too dumb to keep it away from her and only made excuses for her behavior after the fact. She even used some type of app to make it look like I called them first whilst in Germany to justify her calling and leaving yet another creepy message in the wee hours of the morning. On the other hand, HE was mad bc he expected me to play the role of happy mistress. Once I demanded the respect me and my child deserve, he began to ignore me and the support slowly dwindled down to nothing...with no real explanation.

    Now he's back and trying once again to suck me into his web. I have told him to paypal the money if he chooses. So far, nothing. I will eventually sue them...I just can't handle the stress at this point. I am LIVID this morning. In most situations, this is ideal. I was NEVER trying to "steal" him from his family...if that's what I wanted, I would've told his wife the truth of the matter. Instead, realizing my role in it, I just admitted to the baby and proceeded to be labeled a homewrecker. The wife had a goal of ruffling my feathers and getting ALL the details of our relationship, but only succeeded in one aspect. I know she's still stalking me somewhere...just doesn't have my contact info anymore. It's really like I became the scapegoat for 2 ppl who were never happy and shouldn't be married anyhow. I did everything to try and make things right on my end. It's like they both won't be happy until I'm crying on the phone to them about how much I need them to help with my son. I'll die first. My mom raised me to be many things I hate but I weak woman is definitely not one of them...
    Anyhow, rant complete. Thank for listening. *sorry if there are typos, I'm honestly to upset to proofread*
     
  2. NeverM1nd

    NeverM1nd Active Member

    Not sure how to delete this...I'm gonna unwatch this thread at this point. Everyone have a better day than me!
     
  3. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Wow...that's crazy, and yes she is a real class act...talk about trash. Can you try to move on without his support? You said it's been 2 years...can you try to remove those people from your life? I'm not a mother and have no intention on ever being one, but wouldn't your home life be better off without all of his false promises and her wacky behaviour?
     
  4. NeverM1nd

    NeverM1nd Active Member

    Hi, Frances. Didn't think anyone would respond this fast, I still haven't logged off for the day. I am trying to move on without it...but the thing is, I sometimes need it and that's usually when he emails me with his broken promises. For instance, school just started and he said he would help out with supplies. I have another child, also had to renew my registration on my car and a few other things, so the extra money was ideal...but of course, he never gave me anything. My goal is to make MORE than enough money so I don't need his help ever...but that is a work in progress and my kids are the ones suffering the most in the meantime. Although I always give my last for them, they could be so much better off if they only had fathers who care. Sounds like my life...and THAT scares me more than anything.
     
  5. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    If I were you, and honestly, I was in that position for about a year. Not as serious as you, but my bf was pretty abusive in the past. I sunk my whole disability into our life together so that he wouldn't have to work. I had that fairy tale dream that we would live together, fish every day, have a nice dinner, watch movies and snuggle each night with all the pets at our feet, lol...anyway...I became dependent on his $400 contribution each month to pay bills. At the end of each month, he would instigate fights with me and threaten not to pay me, so my credit rating would suffer. He knew how to get to me. I realized that I couldn't handle that stress, so I pinched and pinched my pennies, so now I have some emergency funds on my credit cards "just in case" so I don't have to rely on him. I think that he's proven to be a deadbeat...I wouldn't rely on him, even if he says he'll give you money, I would assume he never will and lo and behold if you actually see the cash. And remember...you can't change ANYONE. You can only change how you react and how you decide to live your life. xx
     
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  6. NeverM1nd

    NeverM1nd Active Member

    UGH. I guess you're right...but I REALLY don't want my kids to turn out like I did. My oldest definitely has some behavior issues and the only reason I can think of is no father. This kid has a great support network (WAY BETTER THAN MINE!), is smart, athletic, etc...doesn't want to do anything worth doing. It's frustrating. I've tried program after program, mentors, etc...only dismal improvement. My youngest is SO GOOD! Just like I was. I changed around age 11...I spent the whole summer in my home town...my father lived there and did not see me once. At that point, it dawned on me that he didn't love or care about me and since then, I don't think anyone has. It ruined me. I do not want that for my babies. It makes me feel more hopeless than anything.
     
  7. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I don't think that having a father in a kid's life is really all that bad...I mean...there are thousands of kids who live with single parents right? YOU can be the whole parent for them! Maybe a "big brother" program? Any male friends who might have a good influence? See...now this isn't my territory because my 6 "kids" are made of fur lol...maybe some other moms on the forum can give better suggestions and relate more! But yeah...screw that deadbeat guy...promises promises right? You're a strong woman, like me :)
     
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  8. NeverM1nd

    NeverM1nd Active Member

    Yeah, but my kids are my weakness! My town sucks! They do have some programs but nothing that I've been impressed with thus far and nothing I would send my 6 year old too. He asks about his father and my heart breaks. I have told him he loves him and he's in the army. Sooner than later, he'll realize it's a cover up. Yes, he was in the army...but he'll meet kids who know their army fathers and the facade will be ruined. IDK. I know plenty of grown men, in this community especially, that are still screwed up due to no dad. The poverty rates are high here and I'm sure the absentee father rates are as well. I just wish I could go back and choose someone else. SMH.
     
  9. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I'm always the one who sees the bright side, no matter what, even if it's hard to do and I know it can be annoying ;) But I keep telling myself on my worst days that I just cannot change the past, cannot predict the future, and only can enjoy the present. It helps me with perspective and helps me find gratitude in what I have right in front of me. Life will always be a struggle for me, but I'm making the best of it, and trying to enjoy each moment.
     
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  10. NeverM1nd

    NeverM1nd Active Member

    LOL> Usually I am annoyed by that, but you actually gave me some concrete suggestions, so, I don't mind as much. The thing is, I used to be pretty optimistic too. I suffered a lot, and at an early age. I always told myself it would work out...but now that I'm older, I feel like it hasn't, and maybe never will. That's why I'm trying to help myself. I am definitely becoming bitter and fear I will end up giving up on any semblance of a happy life and just settle into being a pot smoking shut in...I'm not too far off as is. :confused:
     
  11. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Okay, well shut-in is NOT an option! I don't like to say this because people find it depressing, but I only found true happiness in my mid-forties. I felt like you do, I was bitter, I had no guidance, I was lied to by men...it was hopeless. I just kept waking up every day and trying everything I could to slowly take baby steps to make my life better and one day it just hit me that it was working. I hope you find a way, you have a right to happiness. xx
     
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  12. NeverM1nd

    NeverM1nd Active Member

    Thanks for that. I definitely feel like I deserve it too...but I'm starting to wonder. Most ppl my age can't relate to even 1/4 of what I've been thru and ppl run to their rescue at every turn. For instance, My sister had her first tooth removed (mind you, I had to have EVERY baby tooth surgically removed and many of my back teeth have been removed as an adult) and my mom stayed with her to take care of her for 24-hours...even though I had an operation scheduled for kidney stones the next day. Guess who stayed with me to help me out? "God". Term used loosely...it's just not fair...
     
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