Superficial ugly guy..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Lazarus102, May 11, 2014.

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  1. Lazarus102

    Lazarus102 Member

    I don't look good, I've got a nasally sounding voice, I've got a couple different personality disorders. To top it all off I don't find a relationship with someone that is unattractive to be appealing to me. Trying to find someone that is visually appealing and has a compatible personality and that actually likes me in return is pretty much impossible... I mean I'm not looking for a beauty queen, just a girl of average beauty, one that doesn't make me go "ugh.." when I look at her.
    I know it's a total pot calling kettle black scenario but that's what I'm stuck with.. I find it difficult to even start to look for someone that fits the profile that I'd like because of a couple reasons A: people tend to be a 180 degree version of themselves when they're met in real life as opposed to talking to them online. B: I feel off just straight up asking for pictures off the bat cuz I don't want to start things off with "hi, I'm superficial ugly guy, will your looks be good enough for me? oh sorry, but this is all I have to offer." But on the other hand I don't want to hurt the other person by holding off on asking for pics then sidelining them after I find out their looks are not good. I mean admittedly I'm a bit superficial but I'm not a total dick. I would rather hurt myself than to hurt someone else.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2014
  2. CD110

    CD110 Well-Known Member

    While I can't offer any advice, I'm kind of scary-looking myself and being afraid of rejection, I wouldn't dream of rejecting someone based on looks. It would be completely hypocritical. Not to mention hurtful and selfish.
     
  3. Lazarus102

    Lazarus102 Member

    While I agree with you entirely, it's not a cognitive reaction for me to go "pft, fuck that shit, she looks nasty!" It's more of an internal response to someone/something that I find unattractive. I can try to force myself to go through with it anyways but the entire time I'd be going(in the back of my mind) "er.. I don't want this..". Fact is I'm not happy with the way that I look either, I rarely look in a mirror and when I do I'm not happy with what I see. And with something like a life partner ya kinda want someone that you'll be seeing every day for the rest of your life to be visually appealing. I mean just because I was born ugly does that mean I should be limited to only unattractive people as an option?
     
  4. Cattapillar

    Cattapillar New Member

    When you find someone who you really connect with it won't matter because you'll see them according to how you feel about them.
     
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    The answer I think lies in working on yourself in order to make yourself attractive to prospective partners - given the cards you know you have been dealt - making the best of them and not accepting that they have permanently shackled you to "disadvantaged". Try not to foresee scenarios with rejection as the inevitable outcome. Dress thoughtfully and do basic hygiene - (not too much aftershave - a signal you're trying to compensate for something :)) - and put yourself into social places with the idea first of all of having fun/a positive time for yourself, first and foremost. Look out for opportunities, but don't necessarily try to engineer any until you know you have more confidence than you've had previously - and please give any girl the tons of space she needs initially - no girl will fall for anyone wearing a metaphorical sign that says "desperate". Blessings and strength :)
     
  6. Lazarus102

    Lazarus102 Member

    "The answer I think lies in working on yourself in order to make yourself attractive to prospective partners" That'd take thousands of dollars in surgeries that I can't come close to affording atm.
     
  7. NickA8326

    NickA8326 Active Member

    I used to have a similar problem, I used to get called ugly by a lot of people, then I stopped eating bad food, I became an organic vegan, and now I look way healthier and younger than I used to, no one calls me ugly anymore, and I get hit on almost every time I go outside, and all I do is be sad in my house and play games and only go outside once a month or so, so if I can do it, then so can you. All you have to do is stop perceiving food as pleasure, food is meant for nutrients only by evolution, don't fall for the market scams that turn food into pleasure so they can make money off of you and make you stupid. Look up the bad effects of high fructose corn syrup and the SPECT brain scans of the damage of caffeine. Walk on a treadmill or outside for 60 minutes every other day, and you should start getting healthier physically and mentally in no time like I did. You can do whatever you want, just be healthy, I just wrote what works for me is all. Your diet & exercise = most of your mind and body's current state except for your genes and environmental factors of course. Make sure to drink water and eat greens, they are like nature's magic.
     
  8. CD110

    CD110 Well-Known Member

    Well, food enhances my pleasure at my favorite activities. If it's part of what makes life good for you, the trick is to have a more active lifestyle so as to reduce opportunities to eat 'junk'. That'll make those moments when you do sit down with a good game and some candy bars all the more special. It's just a cruel joke that the stuff you're 'supposed' to eat generally tastes like utter shit. Just another throwback from prehistoric times when you had no choice but eat the nasty-tasting stuff, but needed some impetus to go looking for fatty stuff as well. Now that they're all abundantly available, that instinct is counterproductive to say the least. And unfortunately, you have to deal with it since every biscuit you eat equals like 15 minutes of exercise - best to keep it out of your system altogether than waste your time trying to work it off. Exercise is like 1/10 of the effort of losing weight.

    But back on topic, yeah, if you're gonna be picky despite falling into the category of people that are often snubbed, the least you could do is be in top shape. Personally, I'm not elitist about prospective partners' appearance but I'm still working on my body as a gesture of goodwill, so to speak.
     
  9. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    That's not what I meant, Nick. There are deeper ways a guy can make themselves attractive to women, not just the superficial. Looks are not everything for a woman, and if they are, it would mean you would be continuing on in superficiality. What is required is a change of mind-set, Nick :)
     
  10. Lazarus102

    Lazarus102 Member

    Really? I wish being fat was my only problem but I'm not fat at all. A couple pounds more weight around my waist than I'd like(since I been workin at McD the last few month) but not really fat at all. At least if I was only fat then I wouldn't need surgery to look better. Workin off ugly on the face takes surgery. regrowing hair takes surgery(laser hair transplants) and from what I've heard that doesn't always work so well either. Dental work takes a lot of money. I'm 3k in debt and working at McD for shit pay and they keep giving me shit hours even though they know that I need full time. I've been running the debt treadmill for 3 years now and nothing improves it. Anytime I get a chunk of it paid off I end up getting screwed and have to use the bit I paid off just to stay afloat. Honestly the thing of not being able to find love wouldn't even bother me so much if I wasn't so perpetually fucked financially speaking. That and being an anti-social individual stuck doing customer service jobs. Forced to endlessly help people and be nice and get next to nothing in return. For someone that's received so little, it's torture...
     
  11. Lazarus102

    Lazarus102 Member

    "That's not what I meant, Nick. There are deeper ways a guy can make themselves attractive to women, not just the superficial."
    To me it seems that's more true in movies than in real life. In fact a few times I've gotten the whole shpeel about how I'm not that bad looking and any woman would go out with me from other women then just to be a smartass about it I ask them out and got excuses in return. Basically meaning ya my looks aren't bad, and any OTHER woman would go out with me >,<. Really, I wish people wouldn't be fake and say fake shit just for the sake of making themselves feel better. And did I mention the nasally sounding speech, cuz that shit is no joke. If ya heard me speak and I just spoke a couple basic sentences and you didn't know me then you'd come to the instant conclusion that I'm retarded and that in itself is a big turnoff for most people. I think that I would literally give my left arm just to sound normal.
     
  12. NickA8326

    NickA8326 Active Member

    I simply just don't care about food taste anymore, it's better for me that way, all I care about is the nutrients. But I understand the concept of doing whatever is right for the individual.

    I doubt that your voice has anything to do with women being attracted to you, especially if it's simply just nasally. I knew someone who dated a guy who sounded like someone from the Muppets or some type of weird sounding puppet show, and he has tons of kids with multiple marriages and girlfriends in his past, it had nothing to do with his voice. All his EXes ever complained about him was how he is selfish and emotionally disconnected.
     
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