Just cannot go through this loss and pain again. Relationship breakup sends me to the the edge. 6 longterm realtionships end with the person rejecting/leaving me. Triggers so much self hatred and pain that I cannot take it another time. There are those who love me and I love, but I cannot get through this pain again. I know there is so much in life to be grateful for, but I can no longer feel the gratitude or the goodness. It is all black.