Support Thread ((Arthur)) Attn; Dubby, John, Hank - but open to all

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by 41021, Mar 9, 2013.

  1. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    I didn't want to post this over in ((Art's-Eric's)) thread out of respect, and due to it being a public section of the forum. John and i were talking earlier about how it's not ok to talk about suicide. We were referring to the general public, but even here, at times, it can be difficult. The Loved and Lost section of forum serves it's purpose, but it's public. I don't feel comfortable at all in the public forum sections. I wish we had somewhere specific to post for support as a group - Remember, we are not in this alone...why do i feel like that's something Hank would say. I do realize there are areas for individual support (now is not the time to discuss this though - not in this thread please).


    Even among the general public, when suicide affects many people, often there is some sort of supportive response. I'm simply starting this thread, should others feel the need for additional support on a group level...after all, I always thought we were family here *tears and we have just lost an important member of our family...just as you all are. I also want to acknowledge that there may be some here, who feel deeply affected, even though they may not have known ((Arthur)). It's ok for you to reach out as well.


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    This may come across a bit confusing as there are a couple people I am quite concerned about, and i think they could use some extra support right now. So originally this was for them. Gawd knows i am useless at lending support atm.


    I really don't know what to say, or where to begin. *tears i know how i feel. I know my concerns for each of you. I just don't know how to put to words, without sounding terribly selfish. Can't use the same words here, that one would with those who are not intimate with suicide. Most of us who have been there on the edge, or are standing there now, would call BS. and yell; Spare us, please!


    I'm on edge, i think there are a few others who are as well. I lost someone recently, i was very close too. I'm still raw and barely coping. Now ((Arthur)) has left us, and i know i am not the only one feeling that empty space. John and I were discussing this earlier; getting close to people, sharing thoughts/feelings we could share with few others, caring about someone, and then losing them. For some, there is a routine that is now broken ((John)). I've heard others express feelings of guilt. I know. I know. look where we are. I have to argue though, it is after all a pro-life site (i know i know we've also had that discussion too :sad: ) I feel like everything i want to say is all tied up in knots of arguments. I'm just stuck with a tangled mess inside of me and no way to express it.


    I can hear the arguments. No matter what i try to say to you, i hear the arguments in my head. I know the responses from each of you, i've heard them before - yeah, i actually listen when you talk, i pay attention. Anyway, they are similar arguments i myself have used.

    Look, I know my feelings do not matter in the scheme of things. I just want you to know, that i don't want to lose any of you. I know Dubby, Hank, John, and a few others, you all have been having a rough time as it is, and I am more so concerned about all of you now. I don't want losing ((Arthur)) to be the push you needed. It scares me. I just hope we find the strength to be there for each other, lend a bit of comfort , and to support one another, and more so, to be open to accepting that from each other. I also worry about you isolating or shutting down...now is not the time to do that.


    Anyway, I love you all in my own special way. I care about each of you. I don't want to lose you. I know my words/feelings are not worth much...but i had to let you know ((gentle hugs))


    sorry this has all come out as a jumbled mess, it reflects the state of my head/heart.
     
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    i thought of Art like a brother and i grieve like i lost a brother. he was kind and gentle. like all of us he only wanted to fit in and be happy, something that some us cant accomplish. even though he was in constant torment he brought a decency and gentle spirit to chat and made all of us a little better by knowing him. whenever he signed into chat was a happy time. he and i talked about death alot, it was all that seemed to bring us calm. now Art's torment is over. His agony has ended. I can only hope knowing that will ease my guilt and inner torment. Godspeed my brother in your new journey. There will never be a day that goes by in my time left here where i dont remember the joy you brought to me. I love you Art.
     
  3. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    aww john, *tears ((gentle hug)) my friend. I love u.

    I agree. Very gentle spirit with some profound things to say. Glad i had the opportunity to listen. I wish more ppl could have heard some of that wisdom. He did have a way of logging on and uplifting, even when we were at a our lowest.


    ((Jen)) You were also on my mind when i wrote the original post...i couldn't figure out how to edit it.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 9, 2013
  4. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    he was the best.