Supporting my girlfriend

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by SCG, Sep 6, 2010.

  1. SCG

    SCG New Member

    Hi everyone,

    I'm not really sure if this is the right palce to put this and if I offend anyone I am deeply sorry but I am in need of some advice.

    So my story is this. I met my current girlfriend a few months ago and we fell in lvoe at first site. At the time she was lviing with her ex boyfriend with whom she co owned a local business. She had moved home with her parent in a different city and was intending to sell her share of the business, pack her belongings and we could start our lfie together. When her ex boyfriend realised that their relationship was definitely over he committed suicide in their shop and was discovered by her and their friends the next morning.

    As anyone can imagine now she is having a very hard time dealing with this situation and I am doing my best to be supportive but just don't know what to do. We are currently living in different cities and before this had happened were planning for me to move to be close to her but now obviously circumstances have changed. Our relationship has been strong but over the last week has been a bit rough. Obviously she is feeling like it may be to soon to dive into this and that she understandably needs time to heal.

    I am jsut wodnering what to do. Does our relationship stand a chance? how can I help her get through this? Are we doing the right thing? Her parents and all of our friends that have been told are supportive in our relationship but I don't want her to feel that she has to forget about this person or that I am pressuring her into anything.
  2. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Being together for a few months is still a 'young' relationship, you know? It's not like you're married...
    I think she needs her family to support her for now-- and just a little bit of space from you.

    For now, she's probably feeling stopped in her tracks... and it would take awhile for anyone to get over the shock and the guilt and heartbreak from that horrible event in her life.
    It might be better to take things a bit slower than what was planned-- because she is more than likely not mentally ready to be with you right now.
    She will be- you just need to wait and be there for her when she decides she's ready to pick up and go on with her life again.

    I'm sure her family will let her know that it wasn't her fault and it might be a bit too personal if you were to tell her things like that... so- be her 'normal' conversation guy for awhile.
    Try not to talk about sad things-- keep conversations light and the way they normally are between the two of you.

    I know you desperately want to help her, but the best way to help her is to give her a bit of time to grieve and sort things out.
    That is my opinion on the subject, although I don't personally know much about your relationship with her.

    The only way you can know for sure is by asking her.
    Assure her you're there for her and you will wait if she needs some time.
    She'll come around. It's a tough time for anyone...
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    Hi SCG...this is a terrible time for you both but especially your girlfriend...
    I suggest you let her be the lead and what she wants is the most important thing at the should be there if you can for her if and when she needs you..
    each person grieves differently but she needs to do it in her own way and her own time....
    knowing your'e there for her must surely be a comfort..I think it's a wonderful caring thing you are doing asking for advice here.
    take care
  4. lifelover

    lifelover Well-Known Member

    It´s really her choice. If you love her you will respect what she wants.