suppose to meet with therapist tomorrow/considering mentioning paranoia

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by betteroffunknown, Mar 14, 2016.

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  1. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    This is extremely difficult for me to talk about, and I'm terrified at even mentioning this - especially to my therapist. I've NEVER mentioned this to anyone before!!! Actually sharing it right now is a first - EVER, but not sure if I should even suggest this (or open this door) with my therapist tomorrow.

    Seven years ago I went through something that for me was EXTREMELY traumatic. I can't seem to convey just how traumatic it was to me to professionals, or they just can't seem to grasp it, and because of that it's felt as though it's been minimized by professionals.

    However, what I haven't told one single professional is that I've carried a strong sense of paranoia since. I got in trouble for something that I didn't knowingly do, and as such live in constant terror of something similar happening again. I also am horrified with the idea of it being found out (which could realistically happen cuz I have a record cuz of it now.) The fear began as definitely serious but more mild in nature, but over the past couple years has grown into downright terror for no valid reason.

    Recently I have been dealing with a person who is trying to make me out to be some horrible person that I'm not. While it is a fact about this person doing this it isn't helping my already pre-existing paranoia (terror); it's simply adding to it even though it's justified.

    I realize paranoia is usually unjustified, at least in most cases, but I can see how that is beginning to happen with me. However, until recently I wasn't afraid someone was out to get me; just that the trauma that happened would be found out, would be misinterpreted, and no one would be willing to know the truth. Now, it feels like my entire world is going to come undone, and I'm going to lose everything I've worked so hard for over the past few years.

    I'm EXTREMELY leery of mentioning this to my therapist!!!!!!!!!!!! On some level I think it would be wise to share it, but on the other hand I'm not convinced I should open that door with her, either.

    Just not sure what to do. I'm not trying to make a mountain out of a molehill, but things are beginning to feel more extreme than ever before. It's reaching the point where I'd be totally content not even leaving my house anymore. It's becoming that paralyzing!!

    Any suggestions?
  2. Williamstuckinarut

    Williamstuckinarut SF Supporter

    Hello :) I am not sure I understand what the issue at hand is, may I ask you why you are afraid of telling your therapist? There should be a confidentiality agreement in place, do you suspect it might be broken if you tell what happened?

    As a rule of thumb I guess you should tell her about this trauma and how severely it has impacted you over time. Once you start overcoming it you might reconsider its severity. I did exactly this to myself. To keep it short, I suffered an injury that put me in bed for months, it took me years to get it out of my head that a limp was not what defines me. I was so obsessed with it I was almost forgetting to recover. Now I've no idea what you have gone through, just a thought that crossed my mind about my own PTSD.

    Hope your appointment goes amoothly, keep us posted. Take care,
    betteroffunknown likes this.
  3. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    Trust is kind of an issue with my therapist atm. I felt at one point she was being dismissive; she said she was simply setting boundaries. Still not sure I followed her reasoning behind that. I'm all for boundaries, but I'm just not sure her and I are on the same page (so to speak) right now, so I fear it's going to be taken out of context I guess.

    I don't know why I'd fear it being taken out of context when I'm having difficulty explaining it all as it is, though.

    Guess I fear more of a lack of understanding from her. She seems kind of colder since an incident that took place about a month ago. I took a break for a few weeks cuz of it, so her and I have only had one session to discuss things.
  4. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    I definitely think you should tell her about it. If she doesn't know she can't help you, you know? And from what I read I can tell you do need and want that help.
    If you think it would be difficult to say the words out loud, you could print out your post here and give it to her, she should be able to talk you through it and eventually get you to open up about what exactly happened; and thus help you deal with the paranoia.

    I am sorry you're struggling so much though, but please allow yourself to be helped!

    betteroffunknown likes this.
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