Supposed to be some huge step forward

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LotusFlower, Dec 11, 2009.

  1. LotusFlower

    LotusFlower Antiquities Friend

    So I am supposed have made some huge step in theapy this week because I cried. I cried about my childhood and all the abuse. I cried because it hurt so bad. I cried because it sucked ass and the people who were supposed to be there to protect me weren't, or turned a blind eye. Normally I dissocate any time strong feelings come up, and I didn't. I have no idea what to do with all this pain and sorrow I feel. I have no idea what to do with all the hurt. Besides self harm. I am supposed to get up and go clean some before my inlaws get home from work but I don't want to get out of bed. I just don't know what to do with all this pain and the knowledge that my life sucked and my whole childhood was full of abuse, verbal, physical and sexual almost my whole child hood right into my teens. I normally just push it all back but it is like some kind of wall has been lifted and I can see some of the stuff and some of the details. I don't want to. What is happening to me, Why am I not dissocateing I don't want to deal with this. I don't feel ready. I am so scared and feel so alone.
  2. loser

    loser Well-Known Member

    I do not know what your therapist is doing.
    When past is dug up it leaves person very vulnerable.
    The feelings are so complex.
    And feelings can overwhelm.
    Demands are being made on you at time of crisis.
    Your own survival must be your priority.
    If other people get bit put out that will be minor.
    You come first.
    Put yourself first.
    If you have any calming technique - deep breathing, music whatever use it to give yourself space so you can set boundaries to protect yourself from pain hurt responsibilities and focus on what is right for you.
    Please take care.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your therapist should be helping you deal with all that pain that comes out I am going through the same thing and my therapist is able to draw the pain out as well. What he tells me to do is acknowledge the pain the breath really slow in count of 4 hold for count of 4 then release breath count of 4 relaxing every part of your body one part time continually breathing like above. Also stay grounded realized the pain will soon go away It is okay to stay in bed if thats what is needed to help you cope. Sessions can be very tiring taking all your strength away. If sleep is what is needed then do it. Talk with your therapist on how to cope after difficult sessions okay. I am still having difficulty with it as well so much pain self harm not good trying to use alot of distraction methods i am glad to see you are moving through you pain i am still disassociating and it is very painful. glad you can talk about it here
  4. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    You're not alone. There are other people here who can relate to what you're feeling and help you through it by lending an ear. I can't say I understand the pain you're going through, but I can say that you can't spend the rest of your life running away from your past and your problems. Facing up to things and what happened may seem daunting and hard to deal with, but there are ways to get through it. Like Violet said, try talking to your therapist about ways on how to cope after a difficult session or at times when you're reminded of what has happened.

    I wish you luck, and there a plenty of ears around willing to listen to you. Two of them being mine. :smile: (Okay, okay, maybe I mean eyes!)