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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Scum, Aug 20, 2010.

  1. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm not trying to get better anymore. It's too late. There's no point.

    So stop trying to fucking make me!

    Stop fucking battering me with this that and everything.

    You don't give a shit about me, this is all about you.

    Fuck off and leave me alone.
  2. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    No one can make you do anything, but yourself. Once you realize that you naturally have the capability to get better, and stop listening to the lies that you will never get better you will see progress. I did that is how I know. Peace be with you. Its not too late till your dead; then it is too late. Blessings..
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I understand Scum.....that's all....
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you do IV. *hugs*

    Daphna, it sounds like you're making some assumptions about me from your post (or, at the very least, one). Please don't, because you have no idea about me at all.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hope you have some days of peace take care
  6. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Thanks Violet. Likewise. :)
  7. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    No one gets it unless they have been in this position. So few people have.

    People don't hear, and brush over it and make it out that I'm just 'depressed', not that I'm being 'realistic'.

    People make me feel shitter.

    And that. Is why I don't talk anymore.
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I've never been where you are, but I can put myself in your shoes and think about how I'd feel if I was in your situation. It'd be frustrating as hell to keep talking when people appear to be listening, but they're not really hearing what you're saying ... not taking it in, brushing you off and not taking you seriously.
  9. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Thanks Buffy.

    * * * * *

    For a long time I've been all everyone else hates in someone.

    Now I'm all I hate in someone.

    What good ammunition for more self hate.
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    What's happened to change things, to cause you to have more ammunition?
  11. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I was just reading a very old thread from here and just realised what I've become.
  12. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    What do you think you've become?
  13. CalifradMT

    CalifradMT Member

    This self loathing we feel about ourselves stems from an event possibly from even infancy maybe. An event in which we were treated cruelly, unjustifiably, or maybe we were laughed about, bring amusement to others which they watched as we suffered and rather than help us, they found our plight worth sitting back and watching. Or maybe we were sexually exploited and then discarded quickly with disdain and disgust a million times or once.

    Self loathing. Inability to express anger, justifiable anger. Swallowing it. Again and again. Those in place who would protect us possibly caused the harm or aided and abetted in some fashion or simply choose to look away - it was easier that way, they won't remember, they are too young.

    Beatings are one type of abuse but there is more so subtle that it goes unnoticed when under the care and supervision of a mentally ill mother or father, or relative or adult - No food, too little food, cold water, water too hot, a squeezed arm, with the sense that the grip will never stop tightening until we are crushed completely. When will they let go. What did I do so I know not to do it again. Where can I go to get away from this. Without them I will do but with them I may die too.

    I am sorry this is all happening to us. It is very distracting to say the least. It has cost me dearly - cost me love. I have isolated myself. I don't know about your. Anger is the correct response but it comes years to late and then against ourselves or anything without our grasp at the moment.

    thankfully I did not have kids.
  14. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry that life has treated you cruelly. I'm thankful that I have a priviledged childhood. I'm truly sorry yours has left such long lasting scars on yours.
  15. CalifradMT

    CalifradMT Member

    Thank you for those words.
  16. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm going to listen to this song.

    I'm going to go over to you.

    I'm ging to wrap you up in a cuddle.

    I'm going to beg you to live.

    And you're going to go away because I'm crying.

    Please don't leave me.

  17. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm not sure what happened or what your post is about, but this part really caught my attention;

    And you're going to go away because I'm crying.

    I hope that wouldn't happen ... that nobody would go away because you were crying.
  18. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member



    Now I want to die.

    Really, this is only disappointment and perceived failure, but it makes me want to die.

    To overdose.

    To do horrific things to myself.
  19. Decode

    Decode Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure what to say scum just *hugs* i hope you don't hurt yourself and i really hope you have a happy day tomorrow.
  20. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    Thanks Decode.

    * * * * *

    A friend is not someone who contacts someone only when they want something.

    Stop kidding yourself that we are friends, and realise that you have been using me because of a particular knowledge I have.

    I don't have that knowledge anymore though.

    Woe for you.