Surgery failure - post for everyone

Hello Everyone,

As everyone will know i went in for surgery on monday morning.

Today i found out that the operation has been unsuccessful as i was reporting more pain than normal in my head. This was confirmed when i got my blood results back. I was told before hand the operation could makes thing worse instead of better, it seem's this has happened.

When i got the results back i hit an all time low, i am finding this very difficult to deal with. No one understands much about this condition and i am scared of what is happening to me and my body. All i want todo is live on to help others and make people around me happy. I live for nothing else.

I have no underlying message to deliver in this message, i have am loosing hope everyday of my life because my health is out of my hands.

It's strange because i was making myself something to eat tonight and while cutting some bread i thought about stabbing myself in the heart to end this pain. I imagine i would die quick and one would be able to save me. I want my body to die and my mind to live on. I wish i could change my body with someone elses and live a normal life, free of pain.

Kind Regards,
Your Friend

 

Megazoid, I'm really sorry your surgery didn't work out. Please take care of yourself our friend.

 

wierd you said that,.. lastnight I put a knife up to my heart and started to press it against my chest,just to see how it would feel to do something like that,it left a small bruise and slight cut ( but I'm on blood thinners,so a small cut bleeds alot)

I dont think I can do it in a messy way,I dont own a gun,I dont like cutting myself and waiting for myself to bleed to death wouldn't be the way I wanna go out,..I think pills will have to do it for me. :mellow:

 

As I well remember another user here saying, pills will also most likely be a very painful and horrible way to kill yourself. Sure it may not be as messy as a knife, but it can be every bit as painful, especially if you survive and are put in a hospital where they have to pump your stomach, or give you the horrible charcoal therapy. Its almost always never a quick and easy way to know, please just realize that.

Yes, here's the thread, please look near the bottom from the lost post by Depressica Suicydal about her experience at getting her stomach pumped after a failed suicide attempt by pills.

http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=19879&highlight=black+pants

 

Damn Mega I am so sorry it didn't work :sad:

I wish there was something I could do or say that would make this situation better, my heart goes out to you. :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

And excuse me guys but didn't think your posts were appropriate for here. Mega has just received a blow on his health front...some support please !!!!

 

OMG Mega! :'(

Is there anything more that can be done?

I'm so sorry. Life is so unfair.

 

I am still grasping out for hope at this stage, it's caused a blow that's difficult for me to describe in words but I must fight on. I was supposed to celebrate my mothers birthday tonight but had to pull out due to the massive effect this has had on me.

Two options are still available, both have significant risk factor's involved. I can either have the same surgical approuch done again but with more attention to detail and further risk of damage. This is difficult to comment on at this stage, i will speak with the doctor again on monday morning.

The other option is have an alternative surgical approuch (micro-surgical). The difference between them both is that one uses an embolization technique and the other uses micro-surgical technique (this is more invasive). The micro-surgical technique will require an actual surgical technique rather than a "key-hole" like approuch. This has many more dangers for someone in my situation with a weak immune system.

I am still trying to come to term's with the fact that this is happening to me, i will sleep on it for a while but i know in my heart i will never be the same again. I will need to accept that now.

 

I'm gonna pray like I've never prayed before that something can be done Mega, this is too sad for words :sad: :sad:

 

I don't know what your diagnosis is but I definatly can feel for you. When our body lets us down it is scary and the helplessness is overwhelming. I do believe that prayer does help and no, I am not a religious fanatic but I will remember to pray for you. Please keep us informed.

 

There's nothing we can do but wait to see how everything turns out for Mega. I don't know what your chances are physically, but I would say your spirit is strong enough to get you through almost anything. Often times, it is a strong mind that is the most important in recovery. Good luck, and keep in touch.

 

My thoughts are with you and I hope you are able to have success with whichever treatment you choose to undertake. Hold on to that hope. Take care. :hug: