Survived alot lol

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by devil_sora, Mar 15, 2007.

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  1. devil_sora

    devil_sora Member

    Well I guess the first time i tried to kill myself was when i was about 10 - 11 years old...
    I jumped off the balconey of my families house. I got up, walked away...
    My younger brother saw it...
    then the next time I was 13... I cut myself.
    Then when I was 14 I tried to kill myself in my classroom.
    So I was sent to live with my father in Sydney...
    Then while I was still 14, I tried to overdose...
    Then when I was 15 I tried slashing...
    Then I met someone... and i loved myself... I did self harm a little bit but not dying...
    Then I lost that someone due to my bipolar.
    I cheated because of my Bipolar...
    I am un-medicated...
    I refuse to take the medication.
    and when I was 16 I tried again to die...
    Since that time that I cheated... no sex just touching...
    I have had several attempts...
    I was in the mental ward for three months...
    Also Self harm was on a daily basis just to know that I was alive...
    what am I... am I human?
    I don't think so...
    I have done many horrible things lol
    I have not cheated since then but i have had alot of boyfriends, when one brakes up with me I would quickly have another... or if we broke up for a short time I would have a few...

    Is all of this why he calls me the devil :)

    in anycase i guess all up i have survived around 18-20 attempts... so my next one musent fail laa :) any tips?



    -sora yori
     
  2. MrDepressed

    MrDepressed Guest

    My tip to you would be to keep seekin the help, dont look so down on yourself and if others look down on you than dont even give them the time of day (which I think might be the hardest of the three, for myself anyway).. You seam to be a person with humour, seein the lol's and the smiley in your thread, I hope that you can keep that with you and I sure hope that there are no more attempts... but I do understand havin had depression since being young..
     
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Sorry to hear all that hun. I really wish you would seek help. Bipolar can be (in most cases) easily treated. If you ever wanna let anything out you can messahe me on here or MSN anytime. I feel for you hun. Sorry you have been in pain so long, I know it isn't easy. I hope you hang on hun.. :hug:







    xxxx
     
  4. devil_sora

    devil_sora Member

    Thanks Mr Depressed,
    i guess so... But what I did was very horrible andcannot be forgiven...
    I allowed another man to touch me...
    That can never be forgiven not just by others but mainly myself...
    I was depressed before I did it...
    and then after I did it I just wanted to die...
    so for the past 3 years or so i have been devising a plan to die in a way that my family will not know where I am... or what I have done...
    I have been turning them against me since 1999.
    I keep my brother at a distance...
    I only make friends with forigners whom I know will go back to their countries someday...
    That way when I go only a bare minimum of people will know...
    I have planned it out well...
    I guess I am pretty humored... ^^ I make alot of people laugh...
    But I guess sometimes there are people who are ment to be born again...
    I think that 2008 is my year to be re-born. I was born on the 24/08/1988
    so 2008 is a good year.
    20 years is enough of life :)
    hopefully when I start out again I can be a better person...
    as for now all I am is a devil, whore, bitch and naiv...
    So when I am re-born I can become a good person...
    These are my dreams...
    I have only cheated once in my life but still that makes me feel so dirty...
    I need to clean myself with Jesus's blood...
    But to do that I need to be refused entry to heaven and sent back here by the grace of his blood alone can i be re-born and saved...

    :) have a nice day MrDepressed,

    and P.S Carolyn I will see you in MSN ^^~*
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I hope you are able to find the way to be reborn and feel good about yourself and stay here to help others learn. TC and stay safe. :hug:
     
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