Survived an OD

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by badboykane, May 12, 2014.

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  1. badboykane

    badboykane New Member

    Not going to go into detail about my life but its to do with a recent relationship breakdown and kids involved.

    When the relationship first broke down 6 months ago I went out to hang myself but for some reason I went back into the house and didn't go through with it. Although in my mind I was ready and fully prepared and knew I would be gone in the next hour or so.

    My sister was kind enough to take me in and look after me which she has done wonders for me but it just wasn't enough.

    I thought things would get better but some obstacles along the way prevented me from getting on with my life and being able to get over things.
    I have been diagnosed with severe depression due to the events happening 6 months ago and it has slowly got worse over the last 6 months, I am still unable to come to terms with things.

    Yesterday all became too much for me to handle and take on board, lunchtime I decided it was time to go.
    I took a very large number of pills in that mixing a large amount of <Mod Edit:Music:Methods>

    My sister found me laying on the bed fitting and unresponsive, she called the ambulance. When they arrived I was immediately taken down to the ambulance and my sister wasn't allowed in the ambulance as I had to be resuscitated. Once I was breathing again they forced me to drink some charcoal and then rushed to the hospital where I was placed on a drip. I came round late last night. I was released this afternoon.

    I have to see my GP tomorrow to arrange medication for my depression and also now have to regularly see a member of the mental health team for counselling and general talks about my issues. I have been labelled as high risk as the likelihood of me attempting again is fairly high.

    Had my sister not called the ambulance when she did and had they not forced me to drink the charcoal I was told I wouldn't have made it through the night.

    Do I regret it? No not really, I wanted to die yesterday or I wouldn't have done it.
    Will I attempt again? Probably as my life is still the same obviously being only a day later and I still feel the same. When or how I don't know as I didn't plan this one in advance.
    Do I think with the right help I can get through this? I really don't know.

    The problem with me apart from my severe depression is that what I want out of life is never going to happen anymore and I don't feel I can live with that. Maybe the help I get may solve this but I am unsure and not hopeful if I am completely honest.

    I wonder if anyone else has had a similar experience and if you have managed to get on with your life, I just don't know what to do anymore.
    Now I have been through this I'm not even scared anymore which is the worry that next time (if there is a next time) I may not be so lucky.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 13, 2014
  2. redrobin62

    redrobin62 Active Member

    I also survived an OD but it wasn't because of a relationship. I was just tired of life and going around in circles. I failed everything I tried and saw that I was going to have to spend the rest of my life doing what I hate - nursing. It's been a while since I've been suicidal. Depressed? Yes. All the time. I take meds but they don't seem to be working. I feel that, somewhere along the way, I'll make an attempt again but next time I'll be successful.
  3. badboykane

    badboykane New Member

    Thats my worry, next time I'm going to be successful.
    My relationship although Id jump at the chance to go back home to my family isn't going to happen, because of that Im never going to live with my kids again. I can't bear the thought of my ex getting someone new and them taking my place, I know my kids will always be my kids but another man in their life with mommy certainly feels as if I'm being replaced. I don't know if there is someone new yet but my suspicions and clues lead me to believe there is and in turn that gives me no hope ever of getting my life back to how I want it.
    My ex didn't even seem care when my sister told her what I had done. All I got from her mom and brother is abuse when they don't even know the full story of events in the last 6 months and that makes things worse for me as for 12 years they were part of my family and instantly after a separation I am the bad guy and everyone is up against me.

    Recently lost my parents too (not death but through arguments of me defending my kids and their mom), all I have left is my sister, my kids rarely now and a couple of real close friends. Everyone else just show interest because they're nosey and want info on whats going on.

    I know my kids should be at the top of my priorities and truly they are, but its so hard to put other stuff to one side when I am feeling this way due to no fault of my own, Im not feeling this way on purpose, I don't want to die because I am seeking attention but the ex and her family think I am doing all this for sympathy and attention which is not the case at all.

    I don't put intrusive thoughts in my own head, they come all the time and I want rid of them but am finding it so hard. The only time I am remotely happy at the moment is on the day I see my kids, all other worries are then out the window until the minute I have to return them to their mom.
    I can't carry on like this, she knows it and uses it against me which again adds to my stress levels and helps the intrusive thoughts to invade my mind easier, hence the event of yesterday.

    I feel I just can't get out of going round in circles and that I'm always going to be in this situation due to how much I love and miss my kids (as well as their mom whom I have no hope with now).
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