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survived but dying inside

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Chadaho, Jan 24, 2014.

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  1. Chadaho

    Chadaho Active Member

    I have survived a few attempts. Today I was just released from the hospital. Not real sure surviving was worth it. My girlfriend says she just can't take any more. Who can blame her. I've been completely out of control. I can feel my anxiety building up and still can't maintain control. The doc's finally gave me meds to help but seems to late. I'm alive but may as well be dead. My happiness died with my relationship. Used to think love was enough but love was killing her. Lonelyness will probably kill me. I've got meds now so it probably won't be intentional. Much more drawn out and pain full. What's the point of surviving if you lose everything in the process. Lost my best friend, my job, will lose my car. Probably die on the street somewhere. fitting end. Can I really say I survived or is it just taking my body longer to realize it may as well call it quits? Kind of like surviving an earthquake just to starve to death under the rubble.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If your meds kick in and make you more stable your gf will see that and perhaps come back hun You can always apply for another job ok i hear you the struggle to regain strength stability is hard but you are not alone ok Keep talking to us here you can get back on that path again of life you can one step at a time though ok you just got out of hospital
    Hope you have some supports set up for you in community if not look into what community has to help you hugs
  3. lautanner

    lautanner Well-Known Member

    I felt that way too....that there was no point in being a survivor when there was nothing for me but LOSS. You are FEELING the loss. Loss is so heavy, it's like a big pile of bricks. I won't say the things that sound like lies right now ("It will get better. Give it time, etc.") But I will say this: You have to be alive.
  4. jennilm1816

    jennilm1816 New Member

    I think the "letdown" period after a failed attempt is a reality for many people. Now, not only do you have all the issues that led you to suicide in the first place, but then you failed at your attempt, so you feel worse. I am so sorry you are going through this. I think you will begin to feel better once the meds kick in. Just hold on a little while longer, ok.
  5. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Life is tough but you pull through it. Isolation is tough but you need to get support which will get you through it.
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