I've been planning again...And I just can't decide on a method, it's really frustrating...but while I was wondering if there somehow was a 'safe' way to kill myself, I thought about what things would be like if I failed. And while I find that a part of me really wants to die, just to end it all, and maybe start over in another life someday, somewhere...I also thought that maybe a part of me hopes to survive. Somehow I can imagine myself surviving an attempt, waking up in the hospital...and suddenly seeing the world, my whole life, in a completely new light. As if a near death experience would somehow change me in such a way that I could suddenly see a chance for me to live. As if surviving a suicide attempt would give me the strength to carve out a future for myself. That thought bothers me immensely. I know it's totally naive; you don't survive a suicide attempt and everything is sugar and rainbows. And I'm rather scared of what would happen if I failed, too...possible damage and whatnot. I don't know how I came up with this crap, and I'm rational enough to know what a stupid thought this is...but I've just been wondering if any of you ever felt that way? Somewhere, deep down in your soul, hoping you wouldn't succeed in killing yourself? Hoping you'd survive and everything would get better and you could just enjoy life? (Suicide attempt as start into a better life? :blink: oh man, I must be drunk...) Someone please hit me and tell me it's a dumb thread...thank you.