surviving, getting better just to get worse again.

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by cillaporcelina, Dec 11, 2008.

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  1. cillaporcelina

    cillaporcelina New Member

    I'm new to this forum but em.. I didn't know where else to go.

    I tried killing myself several times and the last time being 2 years ago when i swallowed <mod edit-gentlelady-methods>. i was found and was in intensive care for days.

    After this attempt I was yet once in therapy and the theraist was really really good. i started feeling better. i moved abroad to get away from it all. it helped a while. but only a while.

    lately i'm starting to feel worse again and have no one to talk to or turn to and i'm too scared to tell anyone or see the GP. I don't know what to do so i found this forum.

    it's nice in a way that there are other people out there like me but it also breakes my heart that we are so many feeling so shit.

    I guess my afteraffects are that, wellf irst of all the amount put me in intensive care, i couldn't walk properly for weeks due to weird after effects of pills, therapy and antidepressants and seeing people mad and dissapointed.
    and the fact that i woke up alive.

    anyone else out there that bounced back but finding themselves feeling really bad again?
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 19, 2008
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum
    I have never attempted, but I can identify with feeling that low, and I know there are a lot of memebers here who have attempted and come back. I'm glad you're with us :heart:
  3. perfectempire

    perfectempire Active Member

    Like you, I took about that many pills (140) 5 years ago and had trouble walking again after spending weeks in the ICU. I found a great therapist, got better, and now...

    Let's just say I know exactly how you feel.

    I'm planning but don't know if I can go through with it. Especially at this cheery time of year (I don't want to make people cry during the holiday season).

    I lost many of my reading/math abilities and my "internal thermostat" doesn't work properly. I also can't be around loud noises (blender/vacuum) without seeing colors and people walking by that aren't there. I cannot clean my own home or make my own smoothies!!!
  4. cillaporcelina

    cillaporcelina New Member

    I was lucky in getting a full recovery. I'm not planning, i'm just trying my best to hold on.

    I don't want to die, but i don't want to live either. this in between is the worst to handle. it's weird taking a decision and then waking up.
  5. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    you will find it will be an up and down life with depression, its been over a year since i wanted to commit but i am still here.
    its a long hard fight with good days, great days and shit days.
    once you get used to things with the help of meds / support its about finding an even plane of existance.

    keep on fighting
  6. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I hear you here. I've been in coma for a while after my attempt and ended up in a wheel chair for months afterwards. Depression lifted slightly after they put me on anti depressants but I am falling backward again and dare not admit to those close to me.

    Sooner or later i'll have to admit it to my shrink as i dont want to mislead him as i want the proper care and avoid ending up again where i started this year.

    Talk to someone hun and dont worry about it. You and all of us can be helped if WE decide to reach out for proper help from specialists.

    Bless your heart hun and 'welcome to sf'
    granny xx
  7. cillaporcelina

    cillaporcelina New Member

    Thanks Granny. xxxx:heart:
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi Cillaporcelina,

    Welcome to SF. I am glad you found us :hug:

    Why are so so afraid of telling your doctor about how you are feeling? She is only there to help and cannot help unless you are open with her. Please give it a try, it might surprise you :hug:
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