Survivor emotional effects

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by completelyconfused, Aug 10, 2012.

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  1. completelyconfused

    completelyconfused New Member

    Hi all,

    Not sure if this is the right forum, but I didn't see anything for this type of subject on the site, and surely didn't want people to waste time reading my posts in the super serious forums. Essentially I have found myself in a bit of a weird situation and was hoping someone could shed some light on this.

    I have been involved with a girl on and off for around a year. She unfortunately had her fatherr commit suicide many years ago and the fall out left her family in absolute disarray financially and emotionally. We are both in our late 20's and honestly she is like nobody I have ever met. She will show you such a caring, energetic, amazing, cheerful side when we are together. Then a day or 2 after we are apart (we live about 90 miles away from each other) she all of a sudden changes in to this person who hates me, who resents me, and who will do and say anything to have no part of me. We will literally go from sharing the most intimate of details, making love, etc to..... her ignoring me, hating me, and just finding any excuse to run away.

    The biggest factor in this behavior I can think of has got to be that traumatic experience, and I just have a few questions for anyone that feels comfortable answering them, or may have some insight. I wonder if this is even is the reason for these hot and cold feelings, but then usually after like 2 months one of us makes a move and the proccess repeats itself again.

    I am in a position where I finally just want to lay in to her, to tell her how poorly this affects me and hurts my life, but I just don't have the heart too.... she is such an amazing person, but so completely unstable that I do not have any clue what the affects of a tongue lashing would even have on her.

    I guess the questions and insight I am looking for is:

    If anyone has gone through this type of experience whether they dated someone, or were a surviving family member, could share their experiences so I could maybe better understand what is going on.

    If this is a common pattern of behavior for someone who has gone through a traumatic experience.

    Why the hot and cold all the time? is it an ego thing? an abandonement thing? I really have no clue.

    If there is anything I will ever be able to do to help.... or if I should just walk away.

    She has also indicated to me that she has never seeked full counseling even at the advice of friends and family members. To me it just seems like she is bottling up the pain, and is afraid to trust anyone (especially a man). I have had very in depth conversations about this with her and she seems open, but its like every time we get closer or connect further, her isolation from me increases. Should I just leave her alone? or try to endear her more? I am completely lost.... hence my name.

    Thank you for all that reply, and I apologize if this type of post is prohibited, I did my best to avoid the crisis type areas.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    NO getting angry will not help but definetly have a calm conversation stating how her behavior is hurting you. You need to get her to accept professional help ok because that is only way she can let go of some of the pain in a safe environment. in a safe way. Has she been diagnosed with a mental illness The best thing for you both is for you to get councilling on how to deal with her behavior and for her to get help as well seperately.
  3. completelyconfused

    completelyconfused New Member

    She wont even talk to me..... Perhaps a letter with flowers or an email?

    also... how does one go about bringing that subject up.... I have no experience...
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    A letter stating how much you care for her and that you are concerned about her happiness Perhaps asking her what it is you can do to help her not be so angry at times
    It could be she has a mental illness i don't know bipolar but if you can get her to see a therapist then she can get the help she needs to get stable
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