sweet death

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by emilykatie101, Jan 6, 2006.

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  1. emilykatie101

    emilykatie101 Well-Known Member

    sweet death is calling me tonight.
    heart is broken, i was insecure and i ruined everything with my true
    love. he wont forgive me, wont ever take me back.
    he is so perfect, so loving so kind and i tried his patience
    one too many times.
    i would give anything just to hear him whisper in my ear one last
    time how much he loves me, how much i mean to him.
    i just got insecure, eating disorders ruined my life and its just a picture.
    i let the pictures ruin everything, i'm so sorry sweetheart.
    i felt like i was being attacked, like you didnt trust me. i read it wrong, i thought you were breaking up with me. all of my hope is gone, i had hopes of a forever with you. im just too fragile, i have no one to turn to. my soul is empty without you. i made a mistake, and im going to pay the price for the mistake. im going away forever. i wont bother you again, i love you so much. i hope you will be happy, and learn to trust someday.
     
  2. emilykatie101

    emilykatie101 Well-Known Member

    lol, that sounds so pathetic.
    well, im off to kill myself now. im so happy, this is true happiness for me.
     
  3. andromeda

    andromeda Guest

    I don't think it sounds pathetic!!! But the fact that your second post says "this is your true happiness" is quite sad! How can your 'true love' have made you happy, if 'this' act you want to commit is in fact your true happiness?
     
  4. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    Emily, dont give up. Stay here and talk to us. Is there any way you could contact him, telling whats going on in your life. well, anyways, its 1-6, uve made it this far, keep going hun:smile: , love, beret
     
  5. Isa

    Isa Well-Known Member

    ***mod-edit*** sarah

    i really hope your still with us darling. cal x
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 8, 2006
  6. Jodi

    Jodi Staff Alumni

    emilykatie,

    I do hope you are with us still, please lean on us, lets see if together we can get through this difficult time you are having. Please read up on our forum for people with eating dissorders, you can find support and people who truly understand what your going through. I hope we hear from you soon, please dont be afraid to come back because of saying that was it, many of us have said those words, but some how fight to see another day, let us know how you are, were here for you!! BIG BIG HUGS!!

    -Jodi
     
  7. Alone613

    Alone613 Active Member

    I wish it was such a simple thing for me to hear being told how bad it is to kill myself, and then suddenly, it would all be gone. All I need is an emotionally hard bang on my head to bring me back again. The anxiety, the panic, the feeling of being deserted just doesn't go away. It stays. It gets worse. I honestly believe that I am forcing my lungs to breathe and my heart to beat. If I didn't consciously push myself to keep alive, I truly believe I would just simply die. And that is made considerably worse by the fact that I am constantly being told how much my grandchildren love me, and depend on me to bring even the slightest bit of sane "Gramma's Love" into their lives.

    I am so tired, so exhausted. All I can do is hurt myself or pray that God takes me. And there are times when I can't even do that for lack of strength. I don't know why God breathed the air back into my lungs when I was already dead, why He let those people shock the life back into me. My grandchildren love me and that is a lot,and it is what has been keeping me alive. But I can't spend every hour of every day with them. Work is terribly difficult because it takes up a lot of emotional energy also. When I come home at 4:00 PM, I fall asleep and don't wake up until 10:00 or even midnight - with no drugs.

    I've been dead.
    It was a quiet NOTHINGNESS -
    A vast black hole that was
    neither warm nor cold. It was
    so much better than the life
    That has been thrust on me,
    A life of feeling like dirty old rags,
    Thrown out in the trash with the garbage bags.

    When I'm all alone in my apartment, I wonder how, after 38 years of marriage he walked out on me. Two and one-half years later, I wonder why he doesn't pursue a divorce that he wants so badly. I am in limbo. I can not go out and find any other company [male], and I am feeling sicker every day. Suicide. Such a word that comes hissing out of one's mouth as if it were a snake - a poisonous snake.

    I don't know why I am alive. This is not a life. It is a hell on earth, a misery, a torture chamber. I hardly think that hurting myself is so bad in the face of all of that.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 14, 2008
  8. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    I see you joined the forum 3 years ago.

    You must've been fighting for a long time.

    It takes real strength to do that.

    I hope you can find more strength to carry on. :hug:
     
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